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Is feeling the rage STILL after the weekend and also I want a monkey pic!! They look funky... so I guess I want a funky monkey

GizmoBarnOwl's picture

First of all the weekend... my last blog explained that SS5 had been a pain in the arse on sat and I had to take matters into my own hands (litterally - I had to carry his screaming ass out of the room!) when SO was out of ear shot and SS was throwing a tantrum.

But the rage I am feeling now came a few days before that. I wonder if any body else gets this.

You should know that due to psycho BM I have been diagnosed with stress and anxiety disorder (as I think many of us have on here)

But this anxiety also stretches to when being anywhere near the SKIDS.
I usually know that I will be spending time with them the week before and so in the few days before the actual event I get REALLY stressed out and go off my food, feel sick, feel low (was even shaking while writing SD8 birthday gift tag because I knew that BM would be judging it later!!)... all that stuff. Is it just me? Do other peoples SKIDS have that affect on them?

Even when driving through their village to get to SO's house I feel sick! and get a knott in my stomach (as I have now typing about it!)

I am DREADING when we move in together and I have to spend EVERY weekend with them! They arent always bad SKIDS. There is usally a tantrum, and some spitefulness, and rudeness at some point during the day, but fortunately its not usually aimed at me so I can just sit and watch them be screwed up and know its NOTHING to do with me, and that my BD8 seems very well ajusted in comparison Dirol

I normally feel better once they are out of my sight. But this time I just cant seem to shake off this feeling of wanting to scream and hit something/one!! I just wish I could feel normal again!!!

Every time I see those SKIDS it just reminds me that my beloved SO contaminated himself by having sex with HER and not only that BUT he allowed it to breed!!!! (Think I need to puke!) Now there are two screwed up lil kids running around who are growing up to be JUST LIKE HER!! (except SS5 looks just like his dad, hes still one messed up pup!! - SD8 looks EXACTLY like her mother and behaves like her quite often too Sad )

Anyway not much else I can say about that except AAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!

So now onto the monkeys! Im loving them! I think everybody should have a monkey pic to reprisent themselves (or how they feel!!)

Can I have a monkey pic too?????

Comments

oncechoosetosmile's picture

YOU MUST GET A MONKEY , fast.
Yes many of our monkeys here go through what you go through.Bringing up kids in general is hard work, dealing with the challenges of a step family especially if the children's BM sucks, is even harder.
And there is no quick solution to solve all problems and make them disappear.But if you and your DH go strong together it helps tremendously.In regards of your anxiety you must look after yourself even more- take some time off for yourself , treat yourself as the best friend, find some strategies to reax, eg meditation.
AND GET THAT MONKEY, now!

Delilah's picture

Got to echo this ^^^^^^^^^^^

You think you are stressed and anxious NOW. Wait till you move in and have no where to run to get away!

GizmoBarnOwl's picture

I have a plan with regards to moving in. The plan is basically to try it and see how it goes. lol Thats the plan. Im hoping that once we get into a routine with the SKIDS and they know OUR rules in OUR house, we might (fingers crossed) see improvements in their behaviour. (and BM might just get lost!!!!) I think that at the moment they are all over the place emotionally and there is a chance that they will learn that our house will be a more stable environment for them. And if not, if a year, or two down the line I am in therapy and on happy pills then we may have to have a re-think of how we are doing things. I think that throwing away the only person I have ever truely loved, just because his kids/BM irritate me would be a bad choice on my part. ...I'll wait until I really start to resent him for it before that happens Wink