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Hypothetical - if the little swimmers aren't working...

bd-sm's picture

First off, I want to stress that I'm not TTC. Anyone who knows my situation will know how dead against having a child with DH I am, and how good my reasons for that are.

DH has been pushing, and I've sent him for a sperm analysis (since he's over 45) and said we'll talk about freezing from there.

Not long until we get the results.

I'm being a monstrous bitch here, but I'm sort of hoping that the little swimmers aren't working.
DH lives to lecture me on what a perfect, dedicated stepparent he'd be, and how if the roles were reversed he'd instantly love my children like his own and give them every dime he earned (and that's why I should give him my whole paycheck and babysit and clean up after skids). I know for a fact that that's a crock, because I once floated the idea of donating eggs and the idea of there being children out in the world that were mine and not his practically gave him a stroke and was forbidden.

Steptalk, dream with me, about how the "guess we'll have to use a sperm donor, and I know you won't mind since you're always telling me how you wouldn't care one bit if my babies weren't yours" conversation would go.
I think I'd laugh myself to death watching him try to backpedal.
I'm not having a kid with this guy regardless of genetics, never in a million years, but god I would love to have that talk. *dreamy sigh*

Ninji's picture

I've always wanted to be a Foster mom. I read books about it and I've watched tons of documentaries and things on youtube. My DH was ok with the idea...Until we moved into a 4 bedroom house and it's actually possible now. He threw a fit about it. He only wants his bio kids in the house.

It was an eye opener for sure. It's ok for me to purchase a 4 bedroom house in skid school district (40 minutes from my work) for his kids but it's not ok for me to help other kids.

Maybe you can suggest being a Foster family until you are "ready" for kids? }:)

z3girl's picture

I went through this. My DH and I battled infertility for 4 years. I figured I was the problem (irregular periods) but the dr also insisted on having DH's sperm tested. Turns out, he was more the culprit than I. The dr told me I had a less than 3% chance of having a child with DH, even if I was completely fertile myself.

DH refused to do anything about it. I googled everything I could to see how to improve sperm count and he was ok with taking a ton of different supplements everyday. Nowadays I can find general men's fertility supplements on Amazon with everything I had to buy separately and gave to DH!

DH told me point-blank that he would not accept me using a sperm donor. I had all sorts of information on different banks and websites, etc, but he told me that he would not be involved at all.

We now have 3 sons conceived naturally.

I would not have children with someone I didn't intend to stay with though.

Acratopotes's picture

I would simply tell DH - you are 45.... age 60 you are still going to pay for a child, and nope not interested in having a pension thieve in my life,

for your sake I hope DH swimmers all failed the swanning class and drowned...