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Sexual Inappropriate behavior – Is the parent also at fault?

chele1972's picture

Requesting opinions... but please no bashing.

If a child (female 3 years old) goes for weekend visitation and during that time it is found that there was Sexual Inappropriate Behavior with another child (male 10 years old) at that residence, is the parent in charge at fault for not monitoring the children sufficiently?

The male child in question has previously been banned from the school bus for the same Sexual Inappropriate behavior.

Was it the parents responsibility, knowing the previous behavior, to make sure there was no "alone" time between the children?

I know the child having this behavior needs some sort of help, but is it only the child's fault?


chele1972's picture

Parents were outside... Holiday weekend
Many kids were there. 3 year old was inside by herself watching cartoons when 10 year old went inside with her.

chele1972's picture

10yo pulled his pants down exposing himself to the 3yo and asked her to touch him.

Another child walked in and saw this, and went to tell.

The 10yo response when asked why by adult... "I don't know"

chele1972's picture

Parents of 3yo were aware of bus banning.
Parents of 10yo were also in attendance.

All parents concerned (present at the time) are deeply sorry that this happened but do not take any responsibility for the action itself.

Their response is there were too many kids playing to watch them all, and they are sorry this happened.

They gave the 10yo a spanking and had a stern talk with him.

They called to alert the other parent of their finding at 11 PM. Very upsetting to know your child is still there and there is nothing you can do about it.

chele1972's picture

Odd for Texas I know, but in this case the father has custody (I am the step-mother). The mother has standard visitation and it was her weekend. As a mother myself I would have reacted very differently than she did. I would have never allowed my girl of any age to play unsupervised with a child already known to have a history of sexual inappropriate behavior. To much of a risk in my opinion.

She simply does not feel that she is in any way at fault, which is what makes me feel even more uneasy as it leads me to believe this could happen again.

I am not sure since there was no actual contact if legal action is viable option.

robin333's picture

Oh Fruit, it doesn't have to be stern. No need to hurt the feelings of a budding sexual predator.

ESMOD's picture

It seems like a 3 yo needs to be supervised... period.

I don't know if just based on the first school bus incident that the boy should have been labeled a predator. I mean, we don't know the details.. the relative ages and number of kids involved, whether it was the first time etc.

Now, it certainly seems like this boy needs counseling and behavior correction. He also needs to be supervised by his parents until whatever is going on is under control.

Again, I don't think a 3 yo should have been on her own anyway. There are too many potential risks that she could have encountered. She could have gotten into some poison, drowned, wandered off etc. At minimum, an older RESPONSIBLE person should have been tasked with taking care of her. (maybe a teen cousin etc.. preferably one who hasn't been banned from buses!)

ESMOD's picture

I guess what I meant was that based on the first incident (depending on the facts of that incident), I am not sure I would have 100% labeled the boy a predator at that point in time. Now that there has been a second incident, the kid obviously doesn't need to be allowed access to younger kids (or even any kids for that matter) until they figure out what his problem is.

ESMOD's picture

IMHO, it is a real stretch to try to pin the blame for the molestation of a 17 year old on the fact that her parents divorce made her sad. The adult who was 100% responsible for her being subjected to the crime was Jared, not her parents. It's not like they traded her to him for drugs!

His trying to blame the parents is tantamount to the person trying to blame her SD for her father's rape of the child! Adults are responsible for their actions... period.

Jared may have taken advantage of a situation where the child wasn't closely supervised, but again, that doesn't absolve him of any amount of fault.

It's not like we can make a linear connection that if my divorce causes my child pain, they will be molested.

In the case of a 3 yo, the world can be a much more dangerous place. I mean, we would call CPS if you saw a 3 yo outside by itself. A child that age doesn't have the ability to care for itself on ANY level. It's not just that the parents risked molestation, but any number of hazards that a 3yo could face unsupervised. If you add on the fact that there was a child present who had a known behavioral issue.. well, yeah, those parents should have been more vigilant.

Willow2010's picture

Totally BMs responsibility and fault.

Should the 10ys olds parents kept the kid away from other kids? Absolutely. But in the end….BM should have taken the steps to ensure that the 10yo would not be around her kid for even one second.

If I was dad…I would call the cops to have this on file and then make BMs custody supervised. Ugh….what an idiot.

hereiam's picture

The parents of the 10 year old, knowing about his behavior problems, had a responsibility to supervise him, so that he did not harm other children. If they didn't want to watch him, because they wanted to mingle and have fun, they should not have taken him to the party.

The 3 year old should not have been unsupervised, whether a predator was at the party or not.

notarelative's picture

Adults can be blamed in a variety of ways and degrees, but the real question is what happens now.

My opinion is that a spanking and a talking to is not enough for a repeat incident. Someone needs to notify CPS so that the older child can get the help he obviously needs (and protect others from future abuse)
Someone, and it doesn't have to be someone who was at the party, needs to call CPS and report the incident and mention the previous incident at the same time.
Dad needs to talk to his lawyer and get a court order that prevents the BM from bringing their child to family functions if the older child is present.

Thumper's picture

WE have a duty to protect children and the most vulnerable of people (of course animals too) Plain and simple.

OP what ever relationship that you may have to this 3 year old and I am assuming there is a connection, PLEASE do not allow this child near this boy.

The 10 year old boys parents failed to divulge critical information to anyone with children attending the event.

DUTY to PROTECT above all things.

I would be fuming mad AND I would never go to their home again. When people whom we 'think' we have a relationship with, enough to enter their homes for a picnic or celebration---fail to report this stuff I ask myself what else should I know that I DONT know.

chele1972's picture


Rags's picture

If not criminally liable it is certainly possible that the parents of the perv can be held civilly liable. Call CPS down on them like stench on crap and see if your attorney will sue them for damages. Getting this perv in the system and the parents on the radar screen of the authorities will help protect other young children from the depravity of this monster in the making.

If you are successful and nail them for enough maybe they will think twice before breeding again and polluting the human gene pool with more of their spawn.

The parents of the perv should have controlled their spawn.

chele1972's picture

No, BM had her husband call at 11:30 PM to explain what happened. I recorded the conversation. Not sure why she didn't call herself or why they called so late at night.

chele1972's picture

After reading many of your suggestions this is the action that was taken.

Was able to have the 3yo seen yesterday by her regular pediatrician. At this time the Dr found no evidence of actual physical contact, which was very relieving news. The Dr gave us the option of calling CPS ourselves and reporting the case # back to her today or she would call. We decided to call ourselves.

We called and opened a formal case with CPS, they took all our information and said they would be back in touch with us within 3 days.

CPS involved the city police which is where the 10 yo resides so they came to our home last night for a visit to collect more information.

We called the county sheriff office because the residence the offense took place was in the county not city limits. They came for a visit and assigned an investigator and case #.

We notified the BM that we had taken the 3yo to the Dr and that authorities had been notified. She did not respond to our message.

We have reached out to our attorney and are waiting for him to call us back. Next scheduled visitation is tomorrow so not sure we can put anything in place fast enough to stop that from happening.

The 3yo has 2 other siblings that we have custody of (boys 9 & 11). They are already in regular bi-monthly counseling because of the divorce (which was 3 years ago). Their counselor (a woman)agreed to see the 3yo today just to make sure there was nothing further the 3yo needed to talk about.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to respond. Your insight was very helpful and I really appreciate it.


hereiam's picture

I'm glad that you are doing something about this and so relieved that the little girl was not physically violated.

chele1972's picture

BM will not agree to skip any visitation as she does not see that she was in fault in any way. She stands by her claim that it was the boys fault not hers.

Thus the whole reason for the post, I wanted to see if I was the only one in the world that thought she was as much at fault as the boy and his parents for not protecting the 3yo in the first place so this would not happen.

chele1972's picture

I am on the fence. Since CPS is involved DH does not want to break any rules that might make it seem we are not being compliant with the legal orders. We will be asking the older siblings to keep an extra eye on her. Since it is just for a 1 night visit hopefully they won't have any company.

hereiam's picture

Newsflash to BM: three year olds need to be supervised. Period.

What parent in their right mind leaves a three year old alone in a house?

ItsGrowingOld's picture

Do you know if the 10 y/o is in therapy? What is his home life like?

In some cases, sexual acting out in children can be an indicator of the child being abused physically, mentally, sexually, emotionally, etc.

Personal story; my dad was a sexual predator and sexually abused 2 of my brothers, me, my mom and possibly one of my older sisters. My 2 brothers abused me as well. My brothers, after leaving home at 18, did not go on to abuse others. They are both recovering alcoholics and relatively productive members of society. However, neither one is married. The abuse, I feel, messed them up for life Sad

chele1972's picture

Sadly an update:

CPS came and did interviews with the 3YO and her siblings (brothers 9 & 11). CPS also visited with the 10YO and his parents. CPS also visited the Bio Mom and Step-dad at their house.

We received a call last night from the case worker. Exact phrase used: "Out of Home Perpetrator".

Because there is no proof that the 10YO made physical contact (all that was reported and proved was that he exposed himself to her) and the act did not take place at the home of the 3YO or the 10YO (it was at the grandparents). It is a case of Out of Home Perpetrator and could have happened anywhere you are in public.

It is therefore out of the jurisdiction of CPS and they will not be investigating any further.

If we want to proceed and try and get the Sheriff to press charges on the 10YO we can (Indecency with a child), but we were made aware that in TX if you are under the age of 11 they will not normally proceed with those charges.

The 10YO will not be required to have any counseling and the parents are not required to notify anyone around him that he has previously done anything wrong.

Pretty much... Have a nice day, but we are not going to help you protect your daughter from future assaults.

I feel like we were slapped in the face. I brought up to him the fact that both the parents present knew of the previous offense on the bus, but that did not have any relevance to this case he said.

Not mad... just sad Sad


ESMOD's picture

That doesn't preclude your DH from going to court and mandating that any visitation the child has will not have any contact with the 10 yo right? If there is concern enough.. maybe even requirement of supervised visitation given the mother's prior knowledge?

chele1972's picture

No it doesn't, and we are in contact with an attorney. That is a slow and very pricey process.

We have a meeting scheduled next week... but I am not very hopeful.

We have already spent over 20K just changing custody from Bio Mom, to DH, and she tested positive for drugs.

It just seems hard on dad's in Texas.


CANYOUHELP's picture

I would ask the attorney to please get an emergency order in place before the next visitation; this is doable, given the circumstances. At this point, your daughter is a lot more important than attorney fees; I know you realize that because you are writing here.