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Selfish Husband..

memyselfandi's picture

I haven't seen my stepdaughter for going on quite some time now. They live several hours out of town and when they do get a chance to be in town, most of their time is spent with Grandma.

Well my stepdaughter contacted me yesterday and we made plans for a girls day out today. At lunch she told me that she really needed some new bras and panties; something she hated doing with her mom since she never gave her time to choose what she liked, etc. Going with Grandma was always a pain since she has to tug on!!

She's 15 and going to be a freshman in high school this year, so I thought I'd take her and treat her a bit. The bra she was wearing was completely stretched out and the only one she had. She also mentioned that the underwear she had was all stretched out and could she please get some underwear also. We'd been down the bra shopping road before going from place to place to place, having absolutely NO luck whatsoever so I figured that since Victoria's Secret was having their Semi-Annual Sale (with bras dirt cheap), we'd give them a shot.

They measured her and she picked out several really cute styles that fit her right away. She's fairly fussy about the way things fit but was comfortable in several right away so I told her she could choose five of her favorites. I also let her choose five new pair of undies along with a five dollar spray cologne.

The total bill came to $168.00 which is rather steep, but it's something she needed badly. As mentioned earlier, the bra she was wearing was completely stretched out and didn't even have any support left in it anymore. Had we gone elsewhere we would have paid probably more and gotten less. Plus the fact that it's so difficult to find teen styles anymore, as most are either padded to the gills, or they're so "Mommish" looking; as she's a bit on the busty size for her age.

My husband had a cow and couldn't figure out how 5 bras and 5 pair of undies could be so expensive, yet he's a guy so how would he know that the average decent bra nowadays costs in the area of $35.00+; we'd gotten them for less then $15 per; AND they were nice bras!!

Coming from a guy who spent $150 dollars for some "Alexa" thing that he can tell what radio station to change to and when to turn the lights on and off; in addition to $200.00 for a suit..phht!!

This made her feel more than a little bad, but I explained to her that she's growing up and should have some decent underthings; in addition to some things that made her feel pretty.

She mentioned that they DID make her feel pretty and that now she had something that was actually comfortable to wear and that kept her lady parts in place and not riding up on her whenever she moved...thus the difference between a cheap bra and a decent bra. These will probably last her for years and something she'll actually WEAR!!

Well my husband has his eye on a gun that's on clearance at Fleet Farm. I told him I'd go yesterday, but he hadn't made up his mind yet; so I reminded him that today I was spending time with his daughter so it wouldn't be today as this was HER day to celebrate becoming a Freshman..and girl's day out. He understood.YESTERDAY; yet today he was all over my stepdaughter and I going to Fleet to look at guns on our girl's day out.

As he further razzed me for what we'd all spent the money on at Victoria's; I gave him the run down and his reply was, "Whatever. You better get your ass to Fleet Farm. I don't care if you have to drive to every one in Wisconsin, Minnesota, and Iowa!!!"

What a selfish baby!! Here his daughter and I were enjoying a wonderful girl's day out and he wants us to put a damper on it running around Fleet trying to figure out what gun he wants!! It was completely childish!! In fact, I'd already told him earlier this week that I'd go on Monday when the store wasn't so busy so that I'd have some time to look around, but I certainly wasn't going to chew up an hour or more of time with his daughter hauling her around Fleet Farm!!

Well, after talking to my stepdaughter and the sweetie she is, she said, "I guess that's long is it going to take?" I tried to call him to find out what he wanted and he threw my call into voicemail. Sent him a text asking what it is that he wanted and we'd head over to Fleet and get it, but either answer his phone, text me what he wanted; or we were going to continue our day.

His daughter even texted him and asked if he wanted us to go to Fleet or not as we were heading out of town; and he told her to never mind..we should just enjoy our day...yeah okay..I knew I'd catch it later if we didn't go.

But the better person in me decided that this was HER day and if he couldn't answer his stupid phone and tell me what he wanted; but rather kick me to voicemail..screw it!!

We continued to have the BEST day and soo much fun!! Later she texted him and asked if she could get a few t-shirts and he asked her if $50.00 was enough. It wasn't PLAIN t-shirts that she wanted but the ones from Hot Topic. $65.00 later for THREE t-shirts I figured, "Oh well...his problem", as we did MUCH better at Victoria's than she did at Hot Topic. MAN that place is expensive even when it's on sale. Buy one for regular price and get the second for 30% off. Each T-shirt is over $25.00, so we got one tank for $26.50 and the second one was $10 with that deal. Since she HAD to spend the entire $50 bucks, she bought another t-shirt for $25.00 with a grand total of $60 bucks for THREE t-shirts. YIKES...made my stomach hurt, but Daddy said...

As we walked out of the store I said to her, "You were a little over $50 on THAT one'd better send your Dad a big fat I love you and thank him. In addition, I think he deserves a really nice Father's Day Card you should pick out and send him.."

As she dug through her purse she came up with $5 and .65 cents to pay for the overage. I just laughed and told her to keep it..and that I was just making a point that she shouldn't really worry about, but to keep in mind next time. To be honest, when she figured it all out before we got to the checkout, she really thought we were within 4 dollars (and I knew better), but wasn't going to argue with her math. It happens.

She was again soo appreciative about our day spent together, especially the bra thing. I told her, "It's what stepmom's do sweetie..congrats on graduating from Middle School and into High School..we're soo very proud of you!!"

Tried to call my hubby on my way home and he's not answering. Imagine that. He can play all cool with his daughter, but he's mad because I didn't go to Fleet and buy his toy for him as he hinted around that that's what he really wanted for Father's Day and his Birthday (as they're weeks apart, so we normally combine them).

To be honest, I HAD thought about giving him money towards it, but that's a done deal I'm no longer doing. He always gets everything he wants 99% of the time, and I do my best to buy him what he wants. A few weeks ago he said that if I bought him a least he'd get something that he really wanted for once...

I thought, "Huhh???!"

My reply was, "The kids and I bought you that really nice hunting bow and arrow set that you wanted years ago and you were really surprised.." His reply was, "Wasn't that all but $35.00??" and I said, "More like $75.00.." We'd been at Goodwill and my hubby told me that there was a really nice hunting bow and arrow set for $75.00. I told him to buy it but he passed on it. Next morning I got up early and got it for him. He was surprised as hell..but his memory failed him when he said we paid a mere $35.00 for it..

In addition, he collects coins and is always looking for a place to put them so he can add to them/create a library of them, etc. I was at an antique store and saw this beautiful chest with apothecary like drawers that pulled out both ways. I thought of my husband immediately and put a down payment on it. For his birthday last year I gave it to him and he seemed to really like it; but then during this chat we had about gifts he'd received from us/me he told me that I'd bought that Apothecary Chest for myself and not for him...which REALLY made me angry. I paid $400 for that and not for me..but for HIM!!

Which brings me back to his statement, "If you bought me a gun for Father's Day/My least I'd get something that I wanted for once....

What a perfectly selfish ASS he is...and seriously??!

He hasn't answered his phone since I dropped his daughter off, as he's in one of his "spoiled brat" modes. He's mad because I didn't bow down to him and do what he wanted me to do. For the last several weeks he's been on this bossy kick, telling me that I don't listen to him.

I told him he treats me like a child and is reply was again, that I don't listen. I told him that he doesn't even talk to his children like he talks to me and he told me that THEY listen. No..they don't, but when they don't, he just ignores it anyway.

I also brought up the fact the he doesn't listen when I ask him not to do something, but rather pushes the envelope trying to get a rise out of me. He'll push back until something terrible happens and then he'll plead the fifth that it wasn't his fault.

He's not my boss, but my husband and this is what has scared me in the past when he's worked in other managerial positions. As he works out of State, when he comes home, he remains in his boss mode and has done many things to take me down mentally. When we have a fight he spews out all sorts of nasty things that he later regrets but I've never heard an apology.

Since that job was soo very stressful, he stepped down to a desk job that was much easier on him; and thus, he became a much nicer person.

THEN he got offered the General Manager job at another railroad. I really didn't want him to take it; even though it was a lot more money. He really wanted it, but my final thoughts to him were that he give it a lot of thought before he took it as I wasn't going to put up with a bossy personality that he may take on with this new position.

That was in January and it was great for awhile. Really great. He was happy in his new position and came home happy. He was home a few months ago and things were really awesome. Now that he's back in the big boss mode with more and more responsibilities as he learns the job; he's turning into that same jerk again. When we talk on the phone, he talks on this crappy headset that sits around his neck and more than half the time I can't understand him, yet am tired of asking him to repeat himself.

A few days ago,he yelled at me to speak English because he couldn't hear me on his crappy head set; so I talked louder and slower. Obviously he didn't like that so he threw an F bomb at me and hung up. Yesterday he called me stupid for not listening to him again; this time regarding something with the computer, of which I know little about. Today he's not talking to me because I didn't follow his rules regarding going to Fleet Farm to get his precious gun.

Day after day I'm seeing that jerk he promised not to be after he took this job..over and over and over again. Day after day he hangs up on me for something childish..and I completely blame it on his new high end position. He's the boss there and thus thinks he can be the boss everywhere.

So sorry for the very long post, but I just needed to vent something fierce. I feel so badly for my stepdaughter and the way he went off on me..while he turned the other cheek and was so completely nice to her about the Fleet Farm thing.

I know darned well he's steaming that he didn't get his own way, but today was HER day and I wasn't going back on my promise. She's HIS daughter and you'd think he'd show me a little appreciation for going above and beyond; caring about her enough to want to get her the things she needed..and nice things at that.

What a selfish spoiled ass!!

steponmeagain's picture

Sorry to hear about this. So glad to hear how appreciative she is and what you are doing for her. With all the negativity on the site and everyone's bad experiences thumbs up to you!!!

Miki's picture

He has shown you who he is.. abusive, with no respect or love and caring for you. Leave. He will escalate this and hit you soon. Someone who name calls, who acts badly and never apologizes isn't worth the love and respect you deserve. Especially after caring for his daughter, he is ungrateful and tries to find every excuse to denigrate and put you down. Leave. Never look back.

misSTEP's picture

The only thing this guy seems to be good at is emotional manipulation and verbal abuse. Why do you stay with that guy?

sammigirl's picture

Very nice on your part. You are a caring person and his hang-up is his problem, don't let it bother you, he will get over it. Let him buy his own gun, or anything else he thinks he "needs".

It's a guy thing and I ignore my DH and he can get over it, and he does.

I think what you did for your SD was very gracious.

Good job!

Don't take any mental abuse from your DH; tell him to back off, or you will back him off and follow thru with whatever it takes to change that nonsense. I took mental abuse for years and finally came out fighting and it stopped. If my DH starts with his mouth, I shut him down on the spot and let him know that is "not the way to get along with me".

neskajy's picture

I wish i was the kind of stepmother you are. Because honestly if someone can be so nice and attentive to someone else's kids, that someone else better be happy!

still learning's picture

Your stepdaughter is very lucky that she has you. I hope she always remembers that.