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Sd's graduation update

Someoneelse's picture

We all went to sd's graduation, and brought DH's (newly reunited) uncle with us.  On the way to sd's graduation, BM text DH telling him that sd requested her save a row for our family.  I didn't want to cause a scene in front of dh's uncle, so i chose to think surely it wouldn't be RIGHT NEXT TO bm, surely there would be a row between BM and us with BM's friends to separate us.  

I wanted to tell DH that we would get better pictures elsewhere, but where "our row" was was exactly perfect for pictures.  

We get there, and no, our row was RIGHT NEXT TO HER. The way our row landed all of us, I was seated directly behind her. Everytime I talked to DH,  or made a joke to DH, she would turn around and laugh. I gave her eye peircing glares everytime she'd turn around, but i didn't want to say something to her because dh's uncle was right there, and i didn't want to cause a scene in front of him. 

I had anxiety the whole time and had to hide it so that the graduation was enjoyable for dh. But when we got home i let DH know that that whole thing was planned. Sd had told dd that DH told her that we'd sit on the complete opposite side of the stadium as BM (which DH said is not true, and i believe that). But then on the way BM told DH that she saving a row for us, and we end up sitting directly with her. 

Someoneelse's picture

Until there is a wedding, or grandchildren, or grandchildren's 1st birthday, or grandchildren's graduation... i told DH i do not appreciate being used as a pawn in this game. I don't like being tricked into things, or manipulated like this.  My anxiety from last night is over, but I'm still pissed 

Notthedoormat's picture

Your belt, if/when it comes up again you have a direct experience to point out when you're telling DH you're not sitting near BM.  

This happened when my SD graduated...we sat with BM because of the baby and we were on the same row with just me between them until I moved to the other side id DH because I was getting knocked in the head by the umbrella we were using for shade. BM kept leaning around me to talk to DH and I was fighting back tears it was so miserable.  

I refuse to put myself through that again, skid,  sgk or not....they aren't worth it.

CLove's picture

I cant even imagine having to deal with that. Luckily at SD24 Feral Forgers graduation Toxic Troll was on the other side of the stadium. Im thinking the same for SD16almost17 power sulk's graduation.

Someoneelse's picture

I wouldn't have minded sitting relatively close to BM, where she couldn't hear my conversations. I really would have preferred to sit on the other side of the stadium, but i get I can't always get exactly what I want, and I have to compromise, which would have been great if all I had to do was sit relatively close, not literally touching her because she kept leaning into my knees everytime she turned around to laugh at my jokes.


Rags's picture

We never had it.

The SpermClan never once in the entire 16+ years we lived under the CO came to any SS-30 event. Not HS graduation, not Military School family weekends, not USAF BMT graduation, nothing.

Then they would work the guilt card with SS any chance they had. They tried to guilt him over the CS they were CO'd to pay. Even when it was at $110/mo then $133/mo ..... for 9+ years.

We had the Unicorn blended family life compared to most.

If they had shown up... I would have done everything possible to put them in the Nose Bleed seats while we were in the front row.



Notthedoormat's picture

Dad and SM.  We have co-parented in a way I think has been exceptionally good for 16 years with few bumps in the road. It's possible with sane adults that really focus on that parenting relationship, on the kids and the kids only.

I could go months on end with no word at all to or from my ex, because it wasn't needed,  to having a meeting at his home or mine about a kid and something that came up. Once business was done, we parted company. I am respectful to his wife and she to me and with that, a distance maintained.  He's her husband,  not mine and I'd never want her to feel threatened by me in anyway,  so I am mindful to make sure she has no reason to ever have an insecure thought. 

Those who think the goal is one big happy family have it twisted because it's only happy for all parties when there is that respectful distance and boundaries of proper behavior.  

My youngest BK's dad is a monster and I only communicate via text with him so I have a record of all communications.  He threatened court, thinking I'd be scared, but I took him back to court and he lost on what he thought he'd gain and then some. I haven't asked for CS and time share is 50/50, but he couldn't stand the fact that I was in a relationship when I met DH. He is the absolute epitome of a spermidiot.  

Someoneelse's picture

I kind of think that BM was hoping we'd skip out on the graduation, and she's look superior because she even SAVED a seat for us. But DH isn't a deadbeat dad, even though BM and SD both lie and try to everyone to make DH look bad.  

la_dulce_vida's picture

ICK. Thankfully didn't have to deal with that. When my daughter graduated from college, I was in a serious relationship with a new parter, but attended my daughter's graduation with my XH1 - different hotels. We sat in the same section to make it easier for our daughter to find us, but I was one row behind my XH. I had one son sitting next to me. He had the other son sitting next to him. Neither one of us included the person we were seeing as the college was nearly 6 hours from the area where we lived.

If you were willing to find your own seating and get there early enough for a good seat, there was no reason to accept BM's offer of "saving a row." I'm sorry your husband didn't see through it and stick to the original plan of not sitting anywhere near her.

I feel very sorry for you that you sat through a graduation ceremony. They are some of the MOST boring events I can think of.

Someoneelse's picture

Thanks! It wasn't as boring as it was agonizing! Having BM turn around to laugh at my jokes, or join in or conversations, when all I wanted was to get away from her, knowing that i was forced to sit with her as part of their game. 

Notthedoormat's picture

In the games is torture in itself.  

My therapist taught me  "coping ahead" to help deal when I know I will have to be near BM.  I use it to plan strategic ways to interupt strolls down memory lane and any other situations I can possibly think of that might arise, but I'm the 1st to say BM catches me off guard too much and I need to work on this! 

I have been brainstorming recently to prepare for an anticipated encounter and I know most people hate to be thought of as boring,  so I've decided to throw "oh, yes, I've heard you mention that before" when the stories start...just insert eye roll!

I remember my mother (a truly lovely lady with so much style and class) talk about how she would put people who tried to act superior in check with the head to toe look (think Meryl Streep doing it in the Devil wears Prada) and as awful as it might sound, bet your sweet ass I'm going to do it when I'm at a loss for words.  And the tilted head with a questioning glare if I'm at a loss for words twice. They say a picture is worth a 1000 words, so I'll give her a picture to carry away in her head.

It's horribly sad to say, but after a few years of BM bull&h!t, I've decided I have to learn to be a better player than her.