I have two step daughters, 15 and 13. We have them every other weekend for a night and a day. Both of my stepdaughters are disrespectful, rude and hurtful to me. My husband, their father, has actually tried to stop it, but it doesn't work. He gives them consequences, like taking things away and not allowing them to go out unless it's with him to the store or something, however they don't care. Since they're only here Saturday night and Sunday, it doesn't really affect or bother them. They can go one day punished,and obviously they don't react to any of the punishments. So we don't affect them, but they definitely affect us. They call me names, stare at me like pyschos, break my things then pretend they don't know what happened, use my products, make huge messes in the house... Well basically anything they feel like. My husband tries to force consequences but they don't care, it's only a day and a night. Their mother doesn't care about what happens at our house, basically she said "I take care of them while they're at my house, you will deal with your problems with them just like I do with mine. If you can't handle them, don't have them over, but don't b*tch about it to me.". This was said in the presence of SDs and they seemed fine with it. Of course, DH wants to see them so he isn't going with that option. BM is clearly not interested in changing this. She's not really a deadbeat mother, she works, provides for them, helps them with school if needed, spends time, takes them out, disciplines them at her home.. And I can definitely understand that she doesn't want to deal with the problems in our house. But we can't either. To them, a day and a night of punishment is nothing, but to me a day and a night of their abusive, agressive behaviour is too much. I can't go away for that time because first of all, it'd cost me money that I don't have, and second it would mean they got what they wanted - the home clear of me when they want it to be like that.
I don't do anything for them, basically I "disengaged", but I can't ignore them when they attack me.