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Picture of Ex Wife in Wallet?

helena_brass's picture

Soooo the other day when my boyfriend pulled out some money, I noticed that he had some pictures in his wallet. I only caught a glimpse, and while it appeared to be his daughter, something about it irked me. I looked at his wallet while he was in the shower, and it was his ex wife. There are no kids in the picture, just her.

Now, I know my boyfriend, and I don't really think he harbors any warm, fuzzy feelings toward her. In all likelihood he just never bothered to remove it (it looks pretty old, and it's in a foldout picture holder that also has old pictures of his kids and some insurance cards that are several years old). Still, it bothered me. It BOTHERS me.

Part of me doesn't want to say anything because I feel ridiculous being upset over a picture when I know that I have nothing to be concerned about. It's just a stupid picture. Another part of me is highly annoyed because it's not like he doesn't open his wallet every day. I don't know. Am I overreacting?

Couldawouldashoulda's picture

I don't think you are overreacting at all. I would just talk with him about it. From the sounds of it he may have just forgotten it was there. If you don't talk w/him about it, I think you are gonna end up w/resentment building up and then when that toothpaste cap gets left off. LOOKOUT!

Triggerfishgal's picture

Personally, I would wait until he is in a good mood, then casually mention it to him. Don't tell him you looked in his wallet, but do tell him that you saw the pic when he opened his wallet the other day. Tell him it bothers you, even if it seems silly to him. Likely, it will be as you said, he just hasn't thought to throw it away (some guys just quit *seeing* stuff after a while, like your nose adjusts to smells). If he asks why it bothers you, do the "shoe on the other foot." How would he feel if he saw a pic in your purse of your ex? That usually puts it in perspective.

My ex-husband did something very similar with the gf before me. He had her pic still in his drawer by the bed, one where he kept our, ahem, "bedtime products." I asked him how he would feel if I kept a pic of my ex-bf in MY bedside drawer, and HE had to see it when he reached in. Pic went into a shoebox in the closet super quick.

helena_brass's picture

Thanks guys. That's really what I needed to hear. I think I'll mention it tonight if he's upbeat. I don't want it to go round in my head until I make myself loopy.

purpledaisies's picture

I agree sounds like he just forgot it was there, i'd just mention it to him that I seen it and if he could just take it out. More than likely he will. He probably doesn't even realize it is still there.

skylarksms's picture

DH and I went through a ritual "cleansing" of all things like this. He sent back to BM all of the pictures of her and her and the kids and asked her to do the same with the pictures she had of him.

She never responded. Ish. I hope her new hubby loves finding pix of MY DH!

forever2's picture

You are totally NOT overreacting. Its his wallet. He carries it everyday and sees it everyday. Even if the picture means nothing to him and he hasn't bothered to take it out, he should have enough brains to know it would bother you. You have several choices. My first instinct was to suggest that you simply throw the picture away yourself. But then I changed my mind because then you would never really know why it was in there. I would ask him about it. Make him tell you and if it is there because of some feelings he still has, he will squirm. If he forget its in there, that should be apparent by his reaction, like being caught with his zipper undone (oh crap, I didn't realize...). It will also tell you a lot about how much he respects you to see how long it takes him to get rid of it after you mention it. Do you still find it there in two weeks (he is throwing it in your face) or does he rip it up and throw it in the trash as soon as you confront him (he feels bad for your feelings and is listening). P.S. If he tosses it in the trash while you watch, make sure you go back later and rip it to shreds! Otherwise you may find it 5 years later in his underwear drawer.

distorted reality's picture

You should have a picture of yourself ready when you talk to him. That way you can make a joke about being an upgrade, lol. He should be carrying your picture.

helena_brass's picture

Haha I thought about that, but I don't think I have any recent pictures. I blame digital cameras. Everything is on the computer now, so we never have prints. I don't want to give him a picture I printed myself from the computer. Blum 3

Maybe next time we're by one of those photo-booths in the mall or something I'll suggest we take one...for the wallets. Wink

distorted reality's picture

"Maybe next time we're by one of those photo-booths in the mall or something I'll suggest we take one...for the wallets."

Awesome idea!

caregiver1127's picture

Take out the picture and put it away - don't talk to him about it - don't bring it up - just take it out and if he brings it up then you have problems. If he forgot it is there he won't even know you looked through his wallet while he was in the shower and you don't have to admit that you did.

TheBrightSide's picture

Like Wink

step-mommy dearest's picture

I went thru this... it took him almost 3 weeks to remove the pic...
he said he wanted to keep it for his BioD and just hasnt took it out.. finally after a blow up fight.. he took it out. well he said he did.. i havent looked! i trust him

hope it turns out better for you!

helena_brass's picture

UPDATE:

I picked a moment after leaving the grocery store to bring this up (like I'd just seen it). He said it was an old picture and, indeed, he had just never cleaned out his wallet. We were in the car. When we got home he threw it away. I am satisfied. Smile

Triggerfishgal's picture

:):)

caregiver1127's picture

You know I have heard the I want to save this picture of my ex and me for when they grow up. My husband did kept a few pictures and when I asked him I said "Don't you think she has her own copies and can give them to SS. He said you know you are right and then threw them away. Usually in a divorce you pick what you want as far as pictures go and the other spouse does as well. I don't see the point in keeping each others pictures. My SS is not that into pictures anyway and I don't think he ever will really be into them. He has plenty of pictures from his mom and him and his dad and our family - I know he has 1 or 2 from before the divorce and I am not sure what his mom kept but I am sure it was not any pictures of DH. Why is it always the men that keep the pictures and not the women or at least any women that I know?

overit2's picture

Well when we split I gave my ex his pics w/the kids..there are some that are combined still and i have those stored away-I also have my wedding album. I shudder and don't want to get near it. But I also felt at the time to save it for the kids.

Thing is I don't think they'll care to ever look at it honestly-I mean they chastise me for having married him in the first place....so I'm sure they don't want to be reminded either.

But out of sight out of mind-there were plenty of pics of the kids with both of us-I divided those-they didn't feel right to throw away honestly. The kids are a part of both of us and so to throw that away felt like I was dismissing who they were in part?

But no pics of the ex in my wallet-gross! lol I agree guys forget about it.

My bf was showing me pics in his wallet the other day of his daughter when he found pics of an exgf (nothing provacative or anything). I called him out on it...they only dated a few months and there is no big attachement-it was a short lived romance no "in love" feeligns....he just forgot. And that's the extent of his memory...I asked him again 2wks later if he removed them and he had still forgotten lol. Oh well. Maybe I'll ask him to hand them over next time i see him.

i wouldn't even ask him to throw them away-because I realy dont' care...just dont' carry them in your wallet dude.