NCP should have rights too! Hopefully I can give you an answer soon enough in regards to the PAS. Husbands ex-wife has witheld visitation from him for over a year and half now, only lets him communicate on the phone when she determines he can and she decides for how long..to beat that, on the rare occasions his 6 year old gets on the phone, she is typically in the background running her mouth..has placed in 6 yo ss head that my son has replaced him in his daddys life( he has a new family and son)omg...and the only time he actually talks to his daddy on the phone is when she is not imm. present..example..not in the room with him, even briefly...then 6 yo will jibberjabber with daddy. As soon as bm is present agian, 6 yo ss shuts up agian..This is a big issue our attorney will be utilizing in our modifications and contempt hearing agiants DH ex-wife.. I wish I could give you an answer now but I will update you as soon as we are done in court as to weather the PAS argument has any weight with the judges in their decisions...of course it always depends on the judge you get...
in a nutshell- exwife is controlling the situation does not want the children at the house- (becuase the house used to theirs I bought it while they were going through a divorce) no we were not dating - did not start dating till i lived there 2-3 years later. anyway - she is saying that the kids don't want to come that my children are mean and that his son has said things about my son well this is been going on for almost 2 years and my hubby did back off for a while and started going to get the kids taking them to his moms for the day not like it used to be 3 weekends a month - it went down to 1 day a week for maybe 8 hours and then one overnight- well as soon as she made the complaint about my son she went back for more child support- which is fine- nothing has been changed in the courts with visitation b/c my husband said ok we will do it this way for a while and the children need to go to counseling- well for the last 1 1/2 she has played games taken my ss once and then not again for weeks had the kids lie to him about going-the counselor thinks it is a control thing with her. Well thanks for your reply and good luck.
I read your post and for the life of me, how could the dad expect his kids to want to visit him with the new girlfriend/wife in their old home. I would side with his ex wife, not only is it creepy but tacky and yes a strong example of PAS. Your child is living there, in what used to be their rooms? We talk about PAS but wow it sure goes both ways and all around.
I'd also like to add that the only reason the stepchildren may have an issue with the house thing is surely because BM planeted it in their heads! I'm thinking of my own kids (step and bio) and what their reactions may be.... and I believe they would think it was cool! Kids don't care.... Bitter ex's do!
I'm sure the bm was not thrilled, and surely they could have bought any other house. It really isn't appropriate, kids do have resentments all on their own and that might be just another one on the list. Its hard enough to get all the kids to get along, but when they visit it may not set too well with them when someone else is in their old room. I'm sure the problems she's having is compounded by her buying her dh's and ex wifes home. I think the reality is theres pot shots taken at both sides, and theres other reasons than just the bm's influence as to why the kids don't want to visit. I keep seeing from some of the posts, its the bm and the other side as well. The poor kids are the only ones suffering.
Thank you for your support and thanks for your honest opinion-
I guess after being a single parent for 12 years I found a house that I could make my own for my kids- yes I bought the house and I made it my own-made it our own. When we first dated I asked him and the kids and they were fine- we tried to sell it along with his but mine would not sell and by the time we had a buyer it would of disrupted school which i don't think is fair to my children. The house has now been added on and it is only a shadow of what it used to be. I can completely understand why she may feel that way- but if she cared so much about her house don't go cheating and get a divorce. This is our house. Kids adjust easy and they didn't care it is a control thing and the fact she hates my husband-
It is funny we told the story to counselors and lawyers and nobody had the reaction you did Anonymous. But even if she felt that way is it fair to push your views on your children to the point of alienating a parent- or not letting them have the best of both worlds enjoying the love of two families.
NCP should have rights too! My dh ex lived in their house while they were going through divorce. She was ordered to make the payments until divorce was final and or house was sold. She didnt make the payments, and house was about to go into forclosure. DH and I were already dating at this point and I mentioned to him that my parents were looking for a new home. So, ends up, my parents bought their house, my children and my ss have all gone to see their grandparents in this house...the first time ss walked in he told DH, this is cool, can I sleep in my old bedroom agian..grandparents told him that is still his bedroom and always will be when he comes to visit. However, bm has major issues ...mainly because same neighbors there from when she lived there with DH and now they all know my family and they know DH is married to their new neighbors daughter now... We think its a hoot, bm can stew all she wants....but if it were to start affecting our ss, we know it would be because of her alone.
My husband and I lived in the house that my ex and I had together for a while. It is HOW you deal with it with the kids. If they have a hard time with it, let them talk about it. It is not something that cannot be overcome. I think my husband had a harder time with it than the kids did. But it was what made sense at the time for us and until it sold... we lived there, as a family and were very happy there. Not real sure how that is supposed to be traumatic for a child. Not if you don't MAKE it traumatic. Shame on that BM for putting those thoughts in a childs head. She could have put a positive twist on it and told them that it will be familiar territory in the midst of an unfamiliar situation. Shame shame shame...
On our way back to court in few weeks...
NCP should have rights too! Hopefully I can give you an answer soon enough in regards to the PAS. Husbands ex-wife has witheld visitation from him for over a year and half now, only lets him communicate on the phone when she determines he can and she decides for how long..to beat that, on the rare occasions his 6 year old gets on the phone, she is typically in the background running her mouth..has placed in 6 yo ss head that my son has replaced him in his daddys life( he has a new family and son)omg...and the only time he actually talks to his daddy on the phone is when she is not imm. present..example..not in the room with him, even briefly...then 6 yo will jibberjabber with daddy. As soon as bm is present agian, 6 yo ss shuts up agian..This is a big issue our attorney will be utilizing in our modifications and contempt hearing agiants DH ex-wife.. I wish I could give you an answer now but I will update you as soon as we are done in court as to weather the PAS argument has any weight with the judges in their decisions...of course it always depends on the judge you get...
well this is my story
in a nutshell- exwife is controlling the situation does not want the children at the house- (becuase the house used to theirs I bought it while they were going through a divorce) no we were not dating - did not start dating till i lived there 2-3 years later. anyway - she is saying that the kids don't want to come that my children are mean and that his son has said things about my son well this is been going on for almost 2 years and my hubby did back off for a while and started going to get the kids taking them to his moms for the day not like it used to be 3 weekends a month - it went down to 1 day a week for maybe 8 hours and then one overnight- well as soon as she made the complaint about my son she went back for more child support- which is fine- nothing has been changed in the courts with visitation b/c my husband said ok we will do it this way for a while and the children need to go to counseling- well for the last 1 1/2 she has played games taken my ss once and then not again for weeks had the kids lie to him about going-the counselor thinks it is a control thing with her. Well thanks for your reply and good luck.
Are You Serious
I read your post and for the life of me, how could the dad expect his kids to want to visit him with the new girlfriend/wife in their old home. I would side with his ex wife, not only is it creepy but tacky and yes a strong example of PAS. Your child is living there, in what used to be their rooms? We talk about PAS but wow it sure goes both ways and all around.
You go guinnessgirl!
I'd also like to add that the only reason the stepchildren may have an issue with the house thing is surely because BM planeted it in their heads! I'm thinking of my own kids (step and bio) and what their reactions may be.... and I believe they would think it was cool! Kids don't care.... Bitter ex's do!
I Disagree
I'm sure the bm was not thrilled, and surely they could have bought any other house. It really isn't appropriate, kids do have resentments all on their own and that might be just another one on the list. Its hard enough to get all the kids to get along, but when they visit it may not set too well with them when someone else is in their old room. I'm sure the problems she's having is compounded by her buying her dh's and ex wifes home. I think the reality is theres pot shots taken at both sides, and theres other reasons than just the bm's influence as to why the kids don't want to visit. I keep seeing from some of the posts, its the bm and the other side as well. The poor kids are the only ones suffering.
WOW
Thank you for your support and thanks for your honest opinion-
I guess after being a single parent for 12 years I found a house that I could make my own for my kids- yes I bought the house and I made it my own-made it our own. When we first dated I asked him and the kids and they were fine- we tried to sell it along with his but mine would not sell and by the time we had a buyer it would of disrupted school which i don't think is fair to my children. The house has now been added on and it is only a shadow of what it used to be. I can completely understand why she may feel that way- but if she cared so much about her house don't go cheating and get a divorce. This is our house. Kids adjust easy and they didn't care it is a control thing and the fact she hates my husband-
It is funny we told the story to counselors and lawyers and nobody had the reaction you did Anonymous. But even if she felt that way is it fair to push your views on your children to the point of alienating a parent- or not letting them have the best of both worlds enjoying the love of two families.
Has nothing to do with the house..
NCP should have rights too! My dh ex lived in their house while they were going through divorce. She was ordered to make the payments until divorce was final and or house was sold. She didnt make the payments, and house was about to go into forclosure. DH and I were already dating at this point and I mentioned to him that my parents were looking for a new home. So, ends up, my parents bought their house, my children and my ss have all gone to see their grandparents in this house...the first time ss walked in he told DH, this is cool, can I sleep in my old bedroom agian..grandparents told him that is still his bedroom and always will be when he comes to visit. However, bm has major issues ...mainly because same neighbors there from when she lived there with DH and now they all know my family and they know DH is married to their new neighbors daughter now... We think its a hoot, bm can stew all she wants....but if it were to start affecting our ss, we know it would be because of her alone.
Nothing to do with the house....
My husband and I lived in the house that my ex and I had together for a while. It is HOW you deal with it with the kids. If they have a hard time with it, let them talk about it. It is not something that cannot be overcome. I think my husband had a harder time with it than the kids did. But it was what made sense at the time for us and until it sold... we lived there, as a family and were very happy there. Not real sure how that is supposed to be traumatic for a child. Not if you don't MAKE it traumatic. Shame on that BM for putting those thoughts in a childs head. She could have put a positive twist on it and told them that it will be familiar territory in the midst of an unfamiliar situation. Shame shame shame...
Daddys Gurl-
Life is as sweet as you sweeten it.