Hi, I have been a member for a while, but this is my first post. I don't want to make it too long, so I will try to keep it concise. My 2 stepson's mom is incarcerated for murder. The two boys witnessed the murder. The 8 year-old already has lots of behavior problems, especially at school. He takes medicine for his behavior issues. He was just expelled from school, so now hw is at an alternative school. In the last month, I have had to leave work 5 times to pick him up from school. It is hard to reach my husband and i am next on the list.The principal even caleed today because he got into a fight. They want to put him on half days. He also wets the bed at night--pretty much every night. ONE of the problems that we are dealing with is that there mom has told them that she will be out on 4/18 on home detention. Apparently the 8 year-old has been telling this to his teachers because they called me yesterday at work to see if it was true. There mom has put them through SO much! They move constantly have been to a ton of school, she kept them from my husband, they saw her kill a woman, they were molested 2 summers ago by her husband's son, they watched their uncle stab their stepdad 7 times (he survived), watched their other uncle and a group of men beat up their stepfather, and have seen their mother fight numerous times. Everybody knows that it would not be a good idea for her to get them back. My husband has full custody right now, but I'm sure if she were released that she would try to get them back. (he was sent home yesterday, too) She has pretrial next Wednesday. I talked to the prosecutor yesterday and he did not want to predict what was going to happen, but he just let me know that he was prepared. He said that it is more likely that she will get time than not. We used to pay for her to call the children, but we have stopped. The courts just stopped the child support from coming out of my husband's check. It has been going to her brother for 7 months! She was aware of this, although she lied to the judge and said she had no idea where it was being sent. So now she does not talk to them often. About a month ago, she sent the boys' a letter volunteering me to bring them to visit her. She does not communicate with my husband WHATSOEVER. She refuses to talk to him. I was surprised she wanted me to do this considering that she hates my guts. Even when she would call our house, she NEVER once asked to speak to my husband or I in regards to the children. I was even more surprised when we went to the custodty hearing and she asked me if her other son (by a different father) had came over the previous weekend. Then she asked howe her 8 year-old was doing in school. Then she asked if the children had talked to me about bringing them to visit. I was shocked for sooo many reasons. My husband was sitting right across from her and she wouldn't even ask him how their children were doing. And during the custody hearing she calimed she had no problem with their dad having them buts aid she didn't want him to have them if it was only for money! The "money" that she is referring to is the child support that he was trying to have stopped so that he could take care of the kids. I have been pretty much covering everything. She also stated that she wanted them in a "stable" environment and that somebody really should work part-time in order to deal with the 8 year-old's behavior issues! It was laughable, our home is the most stable environment he has EVER been in. My husband was really offended. Not to mention, we had sent our attorney to the jail 9 days prior to we got the emergency custody hearing to have her sign the custody papers, but she refused because according to our attorney she said that she would not sign because she would be getting out next week and because we would not accept her collect calls! But in court she appeared as if she had no problem with the cutody being granted to him. I, too was offended that she tried to suggest that my husband wanted them for the money. As he stated in court, it does take money to raise children. He was paying c.s. for them and still trying to take care of them. We are not rich, simply people who work for a living.
We have the in home-based counseling and our counselor (and the school) thinks that we should not take them to see her until the kids are more stable menatlly.
We are both at our wits end with the behavior problems form the 8 year-old. I know that it will take some time...
At home the 8 year-old is fine. He is really sweet to us. He sometimes will take me he loves me and makes me pictures. The 11 year-old is standoffish toward me. But he makes good grades and is not problem in general. I think he especially is ready to go back with her so that he can continue doing what he wants. I have been in their lives for 6 years, so it not like I am a stranger.
But I will be so devastated if she was able to get out and just get custody back. I have invested a lot in these kids.
I know this is probably disjointed, but I am rushing so that I can go pick up my son and my stepson from school. There is alot more to this story--such as the fact that her sister was arrested and charged with the same crime (she spent 6 months in jail) but she was released 2 weeks ago because she was not the actual shooter.
I feel tired (physically and emotionally) and discouraged. Any comments, suggestions, or thoughts are welcome.