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OT-Should I accept the request for review of CS for BD10?

goincrazy.com's picture

My bios father has never been a part of her life, when she was a baby it was when it was convenient so I cut him off real fast and told him to stick to a schedule and be a father or don't be around at all. He chose to not be around. When she was 1, I filed for child support. They found him ineligible to pay bc he was only working part time even though he made more then I did and he lied saying he provided diapers, clothes and formula :jawdrop:
They asked if he could volunteer an amount to pay to help me out and they said even $25/month. I was irate, he must have felt bad bc he offered $200/month, and was not ordered to pay back support for the past 18 months. He never paid, EVER. My bio is turning 10 at the end of the month. Every year I get a form saying I have the right to request a review of child support, I never did bc I'm afraid if I take the step to review our case (even though they can't "locate" him to enforce his payments) I'm scared to death he will reappear and pretend he is some changed person who all the sudden wants to be a part of my daughters life. I know child support and visitation are different I'm just afraid of opening a can of worms.

He currently owes $14,000. He cannot get his license and if and when he files taxes any refund will be directed to me, however, he has other people claim his kids and and gives them a cut of the money so I have never gotten anything. I have paid and raised her by myself always having 2 jobs and FDH has helped me more then anyone ever has the past 3 years and is a father figure to her.

What would you do? I don't want bio's dad coming out of the woodwork but something is telling me after 9 years it's time to review this case.

What would you do??

Anon2009's picture

He has other kids? I'm sorry to all those kids, including DD!

It may be worth accepting-maybe you could find out if he now is working.

goincrazy.com's picture

Yes- Sad situation

When DD was 6 months old he got a "one night stand pregnant" She has her 1st child from a previous relationship at 14 and had already lost her parenting rights. He had to take full custody and go to court or the child had to go into foster care. A few years later he fathered another child by her. I know for sure he has 2 children by her and it's been years since there has been any contact so at this rate I'm sure he has atleast one more- thats the word on the streets LOL (really though)

kathc's picture

^^^^^^^^^This^^^^^^^^^^

If he tries to play FOTY he'd need supervised visitation at first since he doesn't even know her. You can also probably request he attend parenting classes, which he most likely won't do, as a condition of establishing visitation. He's unlikely to show up for the scheduled visits so when he doesn't show up you can file to have it terminated because he's refusing to participate.

Patsy's picture

If it were me no I wouldn't go for the review. As long as I was able to support her without his help I would never want a POS man coming back into our lives. I'm not saying that is right, but that is what I would do. There is a chance it might go well for you. You get the help financially that should have always been there and they might not address visitation. Then there is the chance he could decide to fight for his right to see his child for the sole reason to get back at you. Either way this guy is always going to be a POS no matter how you slice it. All these years running from support is deplorable and he should be in jail, but is that going to help you or your child?

Patsy's picture

I feel it is both parents responsibility to do what they can to build a relationship with their child. This man has even had other people claim him and his other children just to keep money from his daughter.

goincrazy.com's picture

She knows her bio fathers name, if she asks questions I answer them. I do not talk badly about him and she doesn't remember him.
When you walk out on your child, intentionally dodge paying child support and continue having other kids and not bothering to call and see how the child is doing when the number hasn't changed I REFUSE to go above and beyond to make sure she has a relationship with him. He doesn't care so why should I go out of my way??? When my child is older and decides she wants to meet him or get to know him that is her choice and I fully support that, I would want to know my father.

At this point I believe he would do more damage then good resurfacing in my daughters life which is why I'm hesitant to do anything or respond to the CS letter.

Cocoa's picture

what does your dh think? does his money help support dd? I know that the consensus around here is to hold bm's who don't pay child support's feet to the fire.

goincrazy.com's picture

He says it's up to me..........I KNOW he would rather not chance having bio dad come around which is pretty unlikely at this point but you never know. This happened to one of my best friends and I'm traumatized for her. So messed up after 12 years of not doing shit you can pay a monthly fee and see your teenage kid who doesn't even know you.

I'm really on the fence about it but I don't think I'm going too. would it be nice to get? Absolutely, but I've been doing it this long.......

goincrazy.com's picture

Also yes, FDH does financially contribute and supports my daughter- by choice.

Rags's picture

I would nail his worthless ass to the wall and put him in prison as a deadbeat. But that is just me.

If you keep regular CS reviews on the record and continuously try to nail him for CS and arrears then CS will increase, his arrears will increase and eventually you will own his worthless POS ass. Since he is not paying anyway and is benefiting from not paying the least you can do is demonstrate to your DD that you have held her BioDad accountable for his deadbeat status.

You may even be able to leverage it all so that he can not benefit from his choice to not step up.... ever.

That is what I would do were I you.

goincrazy.com's picture

I would love to Rags but the system sucks moldy balls. Last I heard he was homeless and at a shelter...he is obviously in the system and they can't locate him???

I would love to increase the amount just so he eventually has to realize he does have a child that he shit on and he has to pay but after the original child support hearing I lost faith in the system and I'm scared to death he's gonna join some state "I wanna be a dad after 15 years" group and will fight to see her. This would completely devastate me