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Normal 14 year old behavior?

may927's picture

My husband and his 14 year old daughter have a very good relationship.  He has appropriate boundaries, is involved but not overly involved in her life.  They rarely argue, and laugh together a lot. When she does get upset with him though, she complains he isn’t listening closely enough to her and will go on and on about it.  She admits he often does listen, but not 100% of the time. This girl talks a lot and will go into details of her social life and what she does when she hangs out duty her friends. Tonight when she was complaining about it she also kept saying that he forgot to tuck her in last night.  I feel like this line of complaining I would have with my significant other, not my father.  Is this normal 14 year old stuff? 

Kes's picture

If you feel your DH has appropriate boundaries, then I would leave it to the two of them to sort out the minutiae of their back and forth conversations. Sounds like she overshares and your DH gets bored, to me. 

What 14 yr old has her father tuck her in?  This is a bit creepy. 

may927's picture

Yeah he said something about the tucking in thing to her during this most recent argument.  I struggle with it all sometimes because it feels like she subconsciously sees him as her boyfriend untilshes mature enough to have one.  

Evil3's picture

Hopefully, your DH does something about the tuck in bullshit now. My SDstb30 lived with us until she was 23 and still would say, "I'm ready Daddddeeeeeee," which was to beckon him for their tuck-in ritual. It was f*cking disgusting.

tog redux's picture

Well, kids seem much younger these days, so maybe 14 is the new 11?  But if you really feel they have a HEALTHY relationship (not a "good" one, which might mean he's her buddy and not her father), and she treats you fine, then I would just stay out of it.

Thisisnotus's picture

Same type of thing happens hear with SD16 and DH. She will literally grab his arm and stand closer to him if she thinks he isn’t listening good enough.....

just last night we were watching a movie in the living room and dh was responding to a text (he has to for work) and SD started in on him to put his phone down and how he said he was wathching the movie but is on his phone.......he swiftly put it down and I was like WTF......and then at the end when the credits were rolling dh got up and she told him to sit down and watch the credits.....he sat right down. Thank the lord she leaves today.....

SteppedOut's picture

Gross

Thisisnotus's picture

Yep! This is new behavior from SD16 it just started this weekend.....she didn’t leave his side the entire weekend.

stepmominhiding's picture

She sound 100000000x more mature than my sd. I could care less about the tucking in thing. Maybe uber just have a close relationship.  One day she won't want that any more.

 

My 13yo sd cries over everything literally she fell from MAYBE 6inches into her chair, and ds cried for 30 minutes over it.  She cries about stupid things like DH telling her to get out of a group chat that people keep hurting her feelings in because he got tired of her complaining about the kids  hurting her feelings. (She went on and on about it for weeks this summer). She cried when DH called her Guinea pig a rat.  She cries SO MUCH.  I get sick to my stomach over it. 

 

I can't understand if she cried if she REALLY REALLY hurt herself.  Like if she broke something or had a deep cut. This child literally ugly cries if she bumps her elbow. Like freaking ugly cries. Not rubs her elbow and says ouch and some tears fall.  She cries like my 2yo nephew when he tripped and fell and had blood pouring down his knees and elbows.  

Rags's picture

If her behavior is interfering in your marriage, then no, it is not normal and it should not be tolerated.  When she starts with her whining and complaining... call her on it, tell her to knock it off and grow up.  She is 14 not 4.  No more whinning about daddy tucking her in or sucking up all the oxygen in the room with her incessent blather about insignificant trivial information.  

Tell her if she is going to share stories she needs to cut to the chase.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Disillusioned's picture

Did you mention in another post that you & your DH have a new baby?....perhaps your SD is feeling a little jealously insecure, and needs to know she hasn't been replaced in her father's heart 

It's frustrating for sure when our SD's get clingly and weird, I wonder if she's struggling with it all, and just needs some reassurance

may927's picture

Yes we had that conversation a couple of months ago.  My in laws have been here the last 4 days and so she's been around more and just seems so needy of his attention, even though she gets more quality time with him than I think a lot of kids get with their fathers.  There's a lot at play I think- the new baby, BM who isn't always emotionally stable, starting high school, both siblings basically out of the house.  I try to have empathy but man if I have to hear "Papa..." one more time before she leaves today, I may go insane.