Newbie here..I am so happy I found you guys!
I started Googling last night about being a stepmom,and that is how I found you guys. As I was reading some of your posts, it is like I could have written them myself. Good news- I am not alone and my situation is not that unusual!
My DH and I have been married for almost 5 years. Step daughter is 13, step son 11. They are not bad, disobedient children. They ARE whiny(stepdaughter) and extremely emotionally needy. Their parents had a very long, drawn out divorce that was very ugly. I am 36, extremely introverted, with no children of my own. I never wanted or even really liked children. Like a fool, I believed DH when we got married that no motherly duties would fall on me. Yeah, right.
My husband's ex wife is a bitch on wheels. My nickname for her in Punkinhead....she has a very round face and head.It suits her, since she is so dumb that carrying on an intelligent conversation is nearly impossible. Punkinhead has blamed me for everything bad in her life. She thinks Dh left her for me..he didn't. He left her, then got with me. He was miserable and had enough of her screaming, bitchy ways. When he left, they were building a new house. He turned the new house over to her during the divorce. She failed to finish having the house built, stopped paying the construction loan, and forced both herself and my DH into bankruptcy. She has written letters to my employer when I worked for the Federal government, trying to get me fired. Which is pretty stupid, since I was carrying HER children on my health insurance. Insurance that she made me change to Blue Cross/Blue Shield, as Aetna wasn't good enough. It was either change it or go to court. Fine, whatever. Punkinhead now lives next to the house that she lost to foreclosure, so she has a daily reminder that she is living in a smaller house.(She is very materialistic). She has remarried to a man that she THOUGHT would let her not work, and live the high life. WRONG.She has 3 jobs now. She THOUGHT her new husband would buy her a BMW...she drives a Chevy. And IT IS ALL MY FAULT BECAUSE I AM A HOMEWRECKING WHORE. She tells my stepdaughter that I am a whore, a slut, a bitch. That I am "evil" and that stepdaughter will find this out about me soon enough. Yet when the kids are sick, or she needs one of them run around somewhere after school, I am good enough to do that. If I am such a degenerate, why does she want me babysitting? At a function of my stepdaughters a few months ago, she called me trash to my face. It took everything I had to keep me from beating her face in. She said it in front of my stepdaughter. My stepdaughter starting wringing her hands, saying she didn't want to see what was about to happen. Rather than upset stepdaughter, I left. And to top it all off, Punkinhead doesn't understand why I won't be her friends, and why she isn't allowed to call me. She has whined to stepdaughter several times before about why won't I be her friend. What an idiot.
Anyways, sorry for the rant.It just felt good being able to get all that off my chest. DH is passive and he just doesn't get it. Of course, he isn't dealing with anyone from my past, so he has no frame of reference. Just wanted to say thanks to you guys for your posts, and I aplogize in advance for any ranting I do on here about Punkinhead lol.
Let it all out girl! I'm
Let it all out girl! I'm sure you got alot left in there! Hows your Dh with all this?
It's funny, you call BM
It's funny, you call BM "Punkinhead" as a bad thing, I call my DH Punkinhead as a term of endearment.
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Rome wasn't built in a day, and my marriage won't be either.
I call my youngest daughter
I call my youngest daughter Punkinhead... and the older one is Peanut. Names that stuck since birth.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
DH is well.....passive. He
DH is well.....passive. He is an extrovert, always sunny and happy and optimistic about the world. He also is very good at not acknowledging things. According to him, I have the perfect life. Anytime I complain about the kids suffocating me, his answer is always the same..." BUT THEY LOOOOOOOVE YOU". Like that cures everything. I have been thinking about leaving. I love him, but this life isn't what I signed up for, not what I agreed to when we talked about the kids before we got married. He is happy pawning the kids off on me when he can, because they loooooove me and loooooove being with me. Piss on how I feel. He works 6 days a week, by choice. He owns his own business, but he chooses to dump the kids on me and go on to work on Saturdays, or back to work in the evenings we have the kids. At one point, I knew more about them and their lives than he did. They would always choose me over him, their mom, or their stepdad. Which is all good and kind, but it isn't what *I* want. He gets defensive and pissy at the mere mention of my unhappiness with them...because their looooove should cure all. I love our life when the kids aren't here, but I am miserable when I know they are coming. Before my dad died, he knew I was unhappy. daddy always pointed out they won't be kids forever, that they will grow up and move on with their lives. That can't happen soon enough.
Have you guys tried some
Have you guys tried some parenting classes or couples councilling?
Couples counseling was a
Couples counseling was a bust. I am dealing with an emotionally immature man who was( and still is) spoiled by his mother and living a very sheltered life. Hard to reason with him, because he genuinely thinks he is always right. His mother still tells him he is perfect, and neither of his parents will EVER tell him if something he is doing is a bad idea. I DO love him, but I am one of those people that even if I love you, I can still see your flaws. I love him in spite of his flaws. Somedays though, I think I am just going to pack up and leave. I have an empty house on a farm a couple of hours away. It's tempting to just leave and go back to my home I inherited when my dad died.
Maybe you should for a week
Maybe you should for a week or two!!! Teach him some responsiblity right?
I feel like you and I are
I feel like you and I are one in the same! I am a 32 year old step mom of 3....I myself have no children and after the nightmare that I go thru with his....I DON'T WANT ANY!!! I hate one of the BMs....yes they all have different mothers (What a fool I am....yes I know) But the middle SS and his mother are from the pits of hell I swear it. I hate that woman and would love to have a heart to heart with her.....away from anyone else so no one could save her from what I would do to her! At first she tried to be buddy buddy with me and I really thought that she and I might become good friends! WRONG!!! She is a manipulative bitch and thinks that she has been so wronged by my DH. If this tells you anything about her....she got knocked up RIGHT when they started dating...like the 3rd date. And she already had a 5 month old son by another man.....she saw my DH coming from a mile away and she trapped him I don't care what she says!( I know it takes 2 and DH is an idiot too for not being more careful!) I hate her so much....I know I should not give her that much power over me but I just can't help it! I feel for you...hell I feel for me too. I can't wait until the day SS is 18 and out of my hair! With what has recently happened though....this might happen before he reaches 18....as he is no longer welcome in our home at the moment.
K-Mot...I bet she was like
K-Mot...I bet she was like Punkinhead. When Punkinhead meets a new man, she "morphs" into a second version of him. I call it being a professional girlfriend. When she met my DH, she supposedly liked camping and hiking and outdoorsy things. Once they got married, her true colors came out. Her idea of camping is in a condo on the beach. And you better believe she squirted out the stepkids in rapid succession shortly after getting married. Stepkids are 18 months apart. After they divorced, Punkinhead started dating a guy that was really muscular and worked out a lot...so she was a gym rat too. When she met her current husband, she all the sudden loved ball games, hunting, and fishing lol. She needs to just be herself and admit to men that she is a bitch who likes to blow money on tacky, ugly things lol. When she got married to her current DH, she wanted a baby. I think he shut that down pretty quick. His daughter is in her 20s and I don't think he wants to be financially bound to Punkinhead for an eternity. Besides, she is at the age when birth defects really start coming into play. I think her husband knows a baby would just be a way of trapping him. She doesn't pay the stepkids a whole lot of attention as it is, and was famous for pawning them off on everyone when they were little. A kid is security (or so she thinks) to her. She honestly thought my DH would never leave her, that she could treat him like a wallet and be a constant money grubbing bitch. He told he how miserable he was, but when he left she was genuinely shocked because she said she was happy and in love with him. She was in her own little world in their marriage. As long as she had plenty of money and could shop, she was happy. When he left her, she showed up at his office one day with all these papers, showing all the debt and bills they had, and told him he couldn't leave because of how much debt they had lol.
Yes, yes I do. Often on a
Yes, yes I do. Often on a weekly if not daily basis lol.
I totally had to google
I totally had to google shadenfreude after you posted this. I had no idea it was even a word... and oh... I am just a little guilty of it }:) ooopppsss.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
"Schadenfreude ist die
"Schadenfreude ist die schönste Freude" lol
Que?? Huh... ??
Que?? Huh... ??
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
Yes this BM also pawns her
Yes this BM also pawns her children off on others EVERY weekend so that she can party and do as she pleases. I am nothing more than a babysitter for her. When it's her weekends to have him....he is at her sister or mother's house. I have caught her in countless lies for the reasons she will need for us to have him extra weekends! And when I call her on her lies, her answer is always the same....I don't have to explain myself to you! No ya don't...but I don't have to babysit for you either! Heaven forbid she not be able to get completely shit faced and doped up every weekend! I could call CSE on her but then that might mean satan's spawn would have to come leave with me and that has DIVORCE written all over it!
She is taking DH to court
She is taking DH to court next month for "Failure to Provide". she claims she didn't get her CS but it clearly states on his pay stubs that the money came out. I am sure it went up her nose and she doesn't remember....she also claims SS every year on taxes. I am currently looking into changing that situation, although I don't even know if it's worth the headache! But I would so love if the court would rule in DH favor and allow him to claim SS every other year...that would put a little dent in her partying at least a little bit. I just want her to know she's not pushing DH or me around...she has done that for years to him....until he met me. One of the very reasons she hates me so much...she's not able to use DH as a doormat anymore! I feel sorry for the poor schmuck she is married to now...he works his butt off and she in ONCE AGAIN..for the 3rd time in 2 years umemployed. And unless it's the job she wants...she won't take anything. Not that she is qualified for more than a mediocre job to begin with. She's is a real head case...I wish my DH had never gotten mixed up with her, as does he.