I seriously need to vent, so I apologize if this is too long. I remarried last year to a wonderful man - he came into the relationship with one dd and I came into the relationship with 3 dd's. We were together a year and a half before marrying.

I went into the marriage knowing full well that his dd had major issues, but I didn't realize the extent of how bad they really were. SD will be 19 in the winter, and she is absolutely the most immature, inappropriate person I know. She is unbelievably socially awkward, blurting out really horrendous things at odd times, has no empathy or feeling for anyone other than herself, and is the most thankless human being I know. She has the maturity level of about an 8 year old.I am convinced, as is my MIL, that she has undiagnosed Aspergers. Dh and MIL and FIL have begged BM for years to get her therapy, counseling, treatment, that we would pay for it and even take her back and forth. BM refused and replied that the problem was everyone elses, not SD.

That is the main issue with her. The second being she is morbidly, morbidly obese. She is 5'0 and 320 lbs. She is absolutely obsessed with food. (When dh told her we were getting married, her first response was "will there be cake?" Ugh. Attending Weight Watchers and a gym was also an offer made that BM refused.

Two separate incidents have led to my putting my foot down and telling dh that I am not comfortable with her in our house until she gets some help (and he agrees with me). The first: last Christmas season I was sitting on my bed wrapping gifts and dh came in and kissed me playfully. It was sexual and our door was open. He was being affectionate and we were kissing/giggling in kind of a half lying down position when SD comes in the room, bends over, looks at us and says something about a THREESOME. I was so disgusted and horrified that I left for the rest of the day. SD is also strangely obsessed with sex and blurts out things like this at random.

Second issue was last month. SD had called her mother a bitch and BM (who can't be bothered to get off her fat ass and be a parent, and enforces NOTHING for two months and then picks up the phone, calling us and saying she's "done" and to come get SD) so BM told her she was no longer welcome to live at home. So, she stays with us a few weeks. Her mom had taken her iPhone since she paid the bill, and SD was just nervous as she could be without internet access in her hands. One day my 13yo noticed her ipod touch was missing. I knew immediately that SD had taken it. Not only did SD steal the thing, she had been signed into some porn chat thing on it and all these lewd messages were coming in!

That was my final straw. This kid is so fucked up. I don't want her under my roof. I have no hope that she will get the help she needs. While she was here, before the ipod issue, we explained to her our expectations: she look for a job every single day, she studies for and gets her license (she refuses to drive) and she helps around the house. She did *nothing*. The only life she knows is parking her ass on the sofa with iPhone in hand.

I finally bit the bullet and texted BM that I was done. That we have rules in our home and if they are not followed, that person cannot be here. Stealing someone elses property and putting inappropriate content on it won't be tolerated. I told BM that if she had further issues to discuss, to bring them up to dh or MIL, I was DONE.

My dh backs me up, but he is so down and depressed. SD won't return his calls or texts. (My theory is it's because she's probably embarrassed of her behavior, and rightly so.) I told him that she is a legal adult now and nothing will change until she wants to change. But I still feel bad for him.

Any advice? This sucks.