New Here and Just Venting
I'm new here and just needed to find an outlet to vent on. I don't have any friends or family that are step parents, so it's very hard to find someone that can relate to my situation. I have been engaged for about 5 months and my fiancee and I have been together for over 2 years. We have known each other since grade school and always were close friends. We grew apart when we both went to college, she had her son during this time. We reunited about a year after her son was born and we have been together since then. I have been in my future SS's life since he was one. With him being extremely young when I was introduced I kept my distance and waited for him to be comfortable and initiate to want to be around me. I still do this as I never get in his face and always have to be playing with him or needing his attention. Basically I am there when he needs me. I love him so much, he really is a great kid. Just like any other parent I get frustrated at times, especially with the eating!
My reason for coming on here to vent is the BD. BD is not mentally stable and has other various problems. My fiancee and BD were never married. He does not communicate very well at all with my fiancee and if he can't communicate with her, why would he put forth the effort to have a relationship with me? I really went out of my way in the beginning to show him I cared for his son and wanted to reassure him that I was a good person. Things were well for a little while, but I could tell he wasn't comfortable with the entire situation (its been about two years now since I've been in his son's life), but thats fine. I no longer go to drop off or pick up SS. I keep my space and distance. I offered to help him get a job at my work, so he could move close to SS. I've done this, but he continually disrespects me, goes out of his way to ignore, sends my fiancee inappropriate text messages that have nothing to do with SS. She has told him to stop and that if he doesn't stop she'll get the court involved because its on the borderline of being harassment. I have made the rule BD is not allowed in our home. What do you guys think about that? I know its probably not fair, but I have to put my foot down somewhere and protect my life. He's just not a pleasant person and I'm done trying to make this work with BD as I don't think he has any intentions of doing so. Which is said because SS is very attached to me and for his son's sake should at least respect me. Also, I was not the cause of a break up or anything.
I do not allow BM in my home!
I do not allow BM in my home! When we moved into our new house (SD15 lives with us)she wanted her mother to see her room and at first I flipped out and said no way. Then I thought about it and I let her in that one and only time and I stayed right with them and she was in and out in under 5 minutes. She will never be allowed in ever again. This is my personal space and my husband does not want my daughters father in our house either.
NO BM's in the home!
NO BM's in the home!
I completely and whole
I completely and whole heartedly support your insistence that the BD not be allowed in the home. My boyfriend and I recently had a small row over the fact that he didn't see what the big deal was until I pointed out that this wasn't just his place, but OUR place. It means it is OUR home. As such, it is OUR sanctuary. It is easy not to see what a big deal it is when you are not the subject of being ignored or outright treated rudely. I told him our home was the place where I want to go back to at the end of the day because it feels safe and comforting. Having her be able to invade that space robs me of my safety and comfort, and that is not fair to me.
And then recently she insisted that she was going to put the kid down in his bed. I relented THE ONE TIME and after she put the kid down in his bed (who was not asleep I then saw) she goes storming into OUR bedroom where my boyfriend was sick in the bed to rant at him until I said she needed to leave. She stormed out. She will NEVER cross that threshhold again. I've been in a cleaning frenzy ever since to get her cigarette stench out of everything.
Stick to your guns on that one. Your home is your sanctuary, don't let it be invaded.
Thanks everyone! It really
Thanks everyone! It really helps to hear from other people that are in situations that they can relate to. I find it easier to vent on here than to my fiancee as considerate and caring as she is, just doesn't full understand what I go through as a step parent. She has always said she respects my wish that BD not be allowed in our home, but also stated that if I'm trying to make a point that it won't work. That's the part she didn't really understand was that I'm not trying to make a point because honestly I could care less. I'm protecting my home, whats mine and that's just the way it is and BD will have to learn that. I am pretty sure he has taken the hint that he is not allowed in our home as my fiancee always goes outside to get SS. This doesn't happen too often when SS dropped off at our house (so I don't need to deal/worry about it on a consistent basis) as my fiancee and BD usually meet halfway to drop off/pick up. Thanks again everyone.