New to “Family” Life
Hello to all. I’ve recently found this forum and found myself relating to most of the posts and wanted add my own situation to get the great feedback I see in the comments here. Forgive me I’m new and am not sure about what all the acronyms stand for yet.
My girlfriend and I had been together a year and a half at the point of where I begin. She has 3 girls. 18/13/6. The 18 year old lives out of state near her parents. The 13 year old and 6 year old have different BD so the teenager only stays with us half of the week and with her dad the other half. The 6 year olds BD is an idiot largely and not dependable due to his job which is as a driver and out of state often. Generally speaking he takes her Thursday late or Friday and brings her back Sunday morning or early afternoon. Leaving everything in between to us during the busy week. She receives proper child support from the 13 yea olds dad and he is very accommodating and easy to work with. Can’t say the same for the 6 year olds. His name wasn’t on her birth certificate so he hasn’t yet been paying CS just what he can when he can. He also has 3 kids with his previous girlfriend before mine.
Moving on, after a year and a half I decided to get out of the rental game and finally buy my own house. Found a great one on a great mortgage plan. Not long after I moved her and her two girls, dog and cat. The teenager is a girl and a teen so it’s mostly what you’d expect. A lot of annoying things and tendencies but nothing I’d say is ridiculous. Always making half ass plans or weird ones where she’s very vague but that’s between her and her BM anywho. Especially during the summer, late night going in and out of her room often to go to the kitchen and bathroom, opening and closing the doors to those rooms is a bit annoying when you’re trying to sleep.
Keeping in mind I knew a lot of the girls habits but you never really really deal with it until you’re inder the same roof. The 6 year old is a whole other story. I feel she is empowered to be very bratty and I’d almost say entitled. Rarely playing by herself and asking for things constantly. That could be normal for a kid that age but I’m not sure. Asking for things to eat or snacks all day. Wants breakfast, lunch, dinner which is fine but then goes on to demand dessert which should be good for the night. Bed time shortly after dessert but no. She hasn’t gotten “her bednight snack”. Keep in mind she’s had snacks in between all day. Typically her mom will give her that. Sometimes she doesn’t and stands firm on bed time but is very inconsistent so naturally she throws a fit if she doesn’t get it. Just last night after playing for 5 hours after she got home and eating and even getting a nice homemade milkshake for dessert, once it was time for her to lay down he’ll broke loose. Crying and yelling about how she “didn’t even get to play”, which is what she says no matter if she had all day playing or going to the park etc. Once last that, it was that she wanted another snack and was told no by her mom then me later on when she asked for help with her tv. Thinking she could get a snack from me even if mom said no because her BD would do that. When they are together during the weekend he lets he basically do what she wants and gets her what she wants, stay up as late as she wants, etc. Basically just a short weekend hang out, which makes having any sort of structure during the week where the actual responsibilities are pretty difficult. Especially the first couple nights back. After that, she cried, yelling that she wanted chips for a good ten minutes until finally giving up and being quiet in her room until at least 1230 she was still up. Eventually going to bed. She is also very messy and doesn’t pick up much after herself. Her dad is the exact same way. My girlfriend tries to get her to clean it and when she pushes hard enough or threatens punishment. But even then it’s half ass cleaning effort. She has a million very small toys so her room is typically a bomb site most o the time. We make her keep it in her room and not let her leave her toys around the living room floor or kitchen, etc.
Her mom works 6 am- 330 mon-Friday and my schedule is a bit all over the place. This basically leaves everything in the morning to me. Driving one or both of them to two different schools, to the sitter, etc. not to mention the mini nightmare of waking them up when they’ve been up late. With her work schedule she is very tired and usually falls asleep around 9 pm or sometimes earlier. Usually putting the 6 year old to bed before that but not always which isn’t fun walking into after work. Asking me for burritos at 10 pm and moms asleep. A lot of times after arguing with her mom about going to bed for an hour or so she’ll eventually give and get tucked in and lights turned off with just her tv on. Problem is, mom falls asleep, 6 year old is still awake. Sometimes opening to door to ask for something random to eat. I tell her no and moms asleep it’s time to sleep. She either pouts and stomps in her room and plays quietly or goes around the bed to wake mom up and be told promptly no and to “give her a hug and kiss and go to bed”. Which pretty much leaves the rest up to me if she doesn’t go to bed. She does not really listen to me as I’m not lol or dad so. Normally wouldn’t be so bad but I have a vested interest in her getting to bed at a decent hour because I’m responsible for getting her up and where she needs to be on time along with getting to my job on time. I guess I wonder if I need to make an issue of the 6 year old agreeing to be tucked in and knowing mom will be asleep right after so she can stay up. I don’t know that I should be in the place to get up and discipline her or force her to go to sleep I don’t even think that’s possible.
Not sure of what to do as I try very hard but they aren’t my kids nor am I respected as much as mom or dad obviously. I got her saying please a lot more and not stopping everything to get her things or telling her no a lot. But sometimes she’ll go ask mom after and mom will say yes. My girlfriends typical excuse for all this is that she’s a kid or “she’s 6 babe”. I feel she may be getting too babied and has unreasonable demands a lot of times. I have done a lot, living in my house with me, I’ve bought them both bed frames they sorely needed, things for the dog and cat they needed sorely as well. I wasn’t asked to but did it knowing it would make their lives a little better but feel like there may be too much up to me to do around the house and with the kids. I’m sure I’m leaving stuff out but there it is.