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Need help dealing with SD emotions........

hbell0428's picture

Okay, for the most part my SD13 and I have a typical Sparent relationship!!
She has lived FT with us for almost eight months; her mother basically chose to stay with her new husband!! (we had to put a 2 year PFA on him after an altercation between them)
Well, over this two week vacation - her BM basically saw her for 5 hours one night and about 2 another...CRAZY
On the last night she told her mom she wanted to stay with her longer; but of course she was told because SD was coming home soon so she had to go. She in turn comes home in a horrible mood (she had been great before; we kinda had a breakthrough!!) it was like starting all over again....She told dad it was all his fault and was nasty.......

I told him not to take it to heart; she will never be mean to her mother (the one that deserves it) because SD knows deep down her BM is wrong; you always hurt the ones you love; but it just sucks that we can't say "What the hell - we are the ones here for you, doing your laundry, being here for you when you are sad, letting you have tons of sleepovers, driving you EVERYWHERE, giving you clothes and money (things parents do) and your mom is being a selfish, lazy piece of SHI*" But you can't say those things and I know this.

Thoughts? Suggestions?

stepmasochist's picture

I'm sorry, but I would say something. Maybe not exactly like that, but I would flat out say to her, "Look, I understand you're disappointed that you can't stay with your mom, but that is neither your father's or my fault. People make choices in their lives and every choice has a consequence. You're experiencing the consequence of your mother's choices. I will not have you copping an attitude with me. I work too hard to take care of you tolerate any disrespect from you."

But, maybe my SD and I don't have a typical stepparent/stepkid relationship.