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Is this nagging/being critical?

readingandlearning's picture

If I approach the subject of skids misbheaving I am told I am nagging and being overly critical to the point where I get the silent treatment or anger outbursts from my SO. Keep in mind the things I have brought up 

-skids interrupting adults and talking back

-skids controlling household tv daily for hours to the point where no one else can watch it

-skids complaining at meals if their food isn't out after waiting five minutes to the point where they make comments while thumping down their forks in a restaurant repeatedly saying things such as "where is my food?" loudly which SO thinks is them being funny and I should relax and enjoy their "humor".

-skids not saying please or thanks unless reminded constantly then getting an eye roll when they are told to say them.

-skids not tying their own shoelaces and walking around with them untied unless SO ties them for them (they are 7 and 10 and know how)

Is this nagging? Is this being critical? Am I being a whining spouse?

 

Thisisnotus's picture

I just try to ignore it because I have a huge list like yours. It’s very hard to ignore but I’ve gotten pretty good at it. If we are at home I just don’t stay in the same rooms where skids are.

hereiam's picture

Your SO is immature and has anger issues.

I wouldn't live with a man whose children were allowed to act like that. Wouldn't date him, either.

2Tired4Drama's picture

What kind?  If you are approaching your SO in a rational way regarding his kids' behavior, and he responds with an angry outburst I think you have bigger problems than smart mouthed skids.

Don't know the length of your relationship but I wouldn't plan on  making it permanent if I were you.  The fact that your SO can't take any kind of criticism regarding his kids does not bode well.  Many, if not all parents, are NOT going to change their attitude towards their kids no matter how often they are faced with the truth.

If your SO won't allow you to communicate with him about things that bother you, then this relationship will continue to be a challenge and may go from bad to worse.  These kids haven't even reached their snotty teen years - imagine what that will be like?  

And by the way, you got lots of good input a day or so ago when you wrote a very similar post to this one.  What part of our input don't you understand?  

 

MissJulsie's picture

Sorry readingandlearning but I have to agree with 2Tired4Drama .... This post is very similar to the last post you put up. Your other half sounds like an arrogant, selfish, narcissistic, pig-headed, stuck-up, immature and self-absorbed IDIOT!!!!  He is also disloyal, disrespectful, takes more than he gives, and isn't living in the real world. He needs some massive wake up calls, and an enormous kick up the bum before anything is going to begin to change.

There are some who subscribe to the theory that "people never change". I totally disagree. People DO change..... HOWEVER they generally need to have something happen to them, that totally pulls the rug out from under them. 

To answer your question in this post, NO you are not being naggy or critical.  Your SO has just developed a muscle for deflecting you and fobbing you off, and it's a force of habit that's been reinforced again and again everytime it has worked. People use avoidance tactics in relationships when they'd rather mask what's really going on....rather than have to confront what is too uncomfortable.  It's a bit like people who don't open their mail if they can tell it's going to be bills that they are trying to avoid paying.  However, your SO needs to realise that just like the people who avoid paying their bills, the day will come when he can't keep this act any longer. Electricity gets switched off. Cars break down. Houses get repossessed. Lawns get overgrown. Dirty kitchens get rats and cockroaches.

So my question is: are YOU going to be the one to stand up for yourself and pull the rug out from under him? Or are you just going to dwindle along and waste the best years of your life in shitty relationship purgatory, and live to bitterly regret it in years to come?

This pathetic loser and his little horrors don't deserve the best years of your life. They won't thank you for it, and as this relationship will most likely fail at some stage down the track anyway, they'll most definitely turn on you and say that you were the one with the problem all along.

Get out. Break free. Go and see the seven wonders of the world. 

markwvualum's picture

Your spouse has anger issues that will not go away on their own. Even if he does not get physical this is abusive. Also his kids are snotty, brats likely due to their upbringing. Can you imagine what the teenage years will be like if they are like this now? To answer yoru question you are not nagging/critical. A nagging critical spouse is one who complains about things like what their spouse/their kids are wearing, their weight, their looks, their interests, etc.(basically things that are healthy and you want to change them and do not like it). What you are bringing up are behaviorial issues that need to be addressed before these kids turn into total nightmares, if they aren't already. By your SO labelling you as critical he is telling you to be quiet and that you are the one with the problem, not his parenting and not his kids. This is abusive also. Do not fall for it.

tog redux's picture

OK, so - no more cooking for skids or going out to dinner with them. Get your own TV for yourself and put it in another room, watch TV there. Do not correct the kids, if they interrupt when you are talking, walk away.  Don't remind them to say please or thanks, and it won't matter because you will no longer do anything for them, anyway.  Let them trip on their shoelaces and fall down.

And then save up some money to leave this jerk.

Cover1W's picture

Pretty much this. Nothing worked with my DH until I stopped and he had to deal with it. 

Rags's picture

It is infuriating when failed parents who have raised feral spawn get all butt hurt when someone points out that their crotch droppings are rude little assholes.

No, it is not nagging or being critical. And no, you are not being whiny. It is pointing out facts and evidence of DH's status as an abject failure as a parent.

Keep up the good work.  Maybe someday your DH will grow up instead of being a whiny brat.  As for the Skids, it is probably too late.