SS he would be better with his BM
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So I've been caring for my 2 SS for 14 years and their BM has been in and out of the picture for the whole time until about 6 months ago. My kids go there on weekends and most school breaks. She allows them to do most things they want, gives them money, and buys them almost everything they want. Recently my 15 year old told me that he feels more comfortable having his friends and girlfriend go to his mom's house only and that he would have a better life living with her. This crushed me because I've been mom forever and now I feel like i'm being thrown to the side. Is this normal? What should I do? How do I not make him feel bad for feeling this way? Advice from other SP would be great. Thanks.
All teens
think the grass will be greener. Especially with a permissive parent. Assuming you are giving him age appropriate freedoms and aren't being too strict or demanding, I wouldn't even entertain the notion of him living with someone who has been in and out and who wants to buy his love.
I would discuss the girlfriend and friends issue. Is it because you and your spouse run too tight of a ship or is mom letting inappropriate behaviors happen? If it's too tight of a ship then negotiate some rule changes, if mom is allowing things that shouldn't be allowed then address that.
Yeah
We allow him to have alot of freedom in which he doesn't take. I believe it's because if we find out he was doing something outside those freedoms, like all teens do, he won't be punished but at his mothers home he is allowed to do whatever with no consequence.
They always love there mother
now adding that Mom is buying him,,,,,anything he wants,,,, make it real comfortable for having GF over, most likely not having to do anything, house work, home work. Why wouldn’t he want to be by his mother,. I wish she would take me in. That a good deal to me. Hard for you to fight this, you will never win, expecially at 14 all is on his mind is. GF and video games. Maybe at 20 and 24 he will see the light.
This is standard issue teen
This is standard issue teen behavior. You have to let it roll of your back and not obsess about those words.
IF BM is the "fun parent" who it sounds like is more of the "cool aunt" than actual parent, OF COURSE a 15 yr old will feel like this! You are doing everything and providing the structure, home and life that he has. He will grow up a little more over the next few years and appreciate you for all you have done.
Keep rocking the mom-thing! It sounds like you are doing it right!
Recently my 15 year old told
Better life --- no chores, no responsibility
Friends at mom's house --- unlimited video games, no bedtimes
Both friends and better life comments are typical teen. Mine were sure my rules were ruining their life.
Girlfriend comment suggests supervision is lax at mom's -- change mom's name to grandma....Dad needs to have the talk again with his son.
Just agree with him and then
Just agree with him and then write him off. Let him know that this is a one way move.
When SD20 was 15 or 16 she
When SD20 was 15 or 16 she decided she no longer wanted to live with us due to our rules and she wanted to move several states away to live with BD. We told her that was fine but she had to ask him.
She did so and he was ecstatic that she wanted to live with him, until he found out that he would have to pay for everything, food, clothes, health insurance, etc etc etc, he has never had to pay any of those things. All of a sudden he changed his tune and told her no she couldn’t move there, she was crushed and we had to explain why. To this day the kid still treats me like crap even though she learned this lesson back then, doesn’t seem to matter who actually is there for you and takes care of you BD is still the best and Major always gets the crappy end of the stick. Gotta love Step Life lol !