My fiance won't listen to me because I don't have kids
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I am hurt becuase I am a step dad and I love my girls to death treat them like mines. But when it comes discipline she will not take my advice becuase I don't understand but when speaking to others they said the same thing I said which gets me upset and hurt your take
Your thoughts
Your thoughts
Your thoughts
Your thoughts
Your thoughts
Your thoughts
That is one of the the most
That is one of the the most irritating phrases that people say. I don't know how to change her mind, sorry. People are idiots and parenthood (motherhood in particular) is idolized to a huge extent these days so people feel that only “true” parents get it and they always know what is best for their kids.
I feel like maybe you are a
I feel like maybe you are a little too invested in these kids before you are even married to their mom. You aren't a stepdad yet .
On the other hand, why wouldn't you know how to deal with kids? They are just small humans and as long as you are treating them respectfully, what's not to understand?
That's doesn't make any sense
That's doesn't make any sense we are engaged I made a promise to be in her life, kids are involved so I marrying all 3 so yes I am invested. Smh
That's doesn't make any sense
That's doesn't make any sense we are engaged I made a promise to be in her life, kids are involved so I marrying all 3 so yes I am invested. Smh
The children may be integral
The children may be integral to your wife for the time being, but you are marrying your wife and your wife alone.
To say otherwise is kind of gross if you think about it (are you really marrying 3 women, two of whom are minors and all of them related?) Are you going to work as equal partners with your step daughters through thick and thin supporting each other financially, emotionally and physically for the rest of your life? Are you going to share your life fully with all 3 of them?
You can love your step children, you can help their mother raise them, perhaps you may take on a paternal role. But you are definitely not marrying them in any sense of the word.
Equally as you are marrying your wife and your wife alone; if you find that you do not love your step children, that is ok; if you choose to let their mother raise them and you give minimal support, that is ok; if you never feel like you are a parental figure in their lives, that is also ok.
These children have at least one parent (probably two) and you have very limited legal and moral responsibilities towards them.
Did you use "smh" in the
Did you use "smh" in the context of "shaking my head"? Like, my comment about you not being a stepdad was so outrageous and unthinkable that you have no words and can only communicate your response with body language?
This!: "People stock their
This!: "People stock their arsenals with whatever is available to use since controlling their partner is a heck of lot easier than controlling their children." Or, so they think. . . And, "If you did have kids, she would accuse you of hating her children by the suggestion that she actually discipline them since she wouldn't have 'you don't have kids' to use."
It's a form of manipulation, and it could last a lifetime. None of what she says really matters, because when you marry. you and your spouse are in charge of one household. The main purpose for both of you should be to keep that household running smoothly and working together to do so. For some reason, spouses with children tend to forget that when they marry someone without any children, the partner making most of the sacrifices will be the partner w/o children. YOU, have to deal with and will be expected to suck it up for her kids, ex, other family members and so on. She won't have to worry about any of that from your end so much.
So, you already have the much bigger adjustment ahead for you than she does. For her to be so dismissive of your feelings, she is already letting you know your order in the household will be last. Is this what you want for yourself? She won't change. She wants to have her cake and eat it to. How nice for her that she and her gals get to do whatever they want in the household under the guise of "you don't have kids, so what do you know." Meanwhile, you get to play patsy dad and patsy husband.
Stop posting. KIDDING!! Don't
Stop posting.
KIDDING!! Don't hate me.:)
StepRightOff covered the part
StepRightOff covered the part about your fiancé's words...I want to address (gently and sensitively) whether you should be marrying someone with whom you have such a vast difference in parenting style? You didn't give a lot of detail here so if I'm off base..well..I have no way to know. That's just what I inferred from the little you did say. It may sound extreme...the idea that you end the engagement over something like this. I am here to tell you though, sir, as a veteran of this war (15 years with a woman and her two kids) that you are going to be hurt repeatedly by this in the coming years. That hurt will eventually turn into anger. It will all be stressful. I am not even a pessimistic person. I am an EXPERIENCED person.
Unless you can sit her down and pour your heart out about this and tell her that you are hurt and also scared that going forward you don't know what your role is supposed to be as a stepparent and you two can come to an agreement that you both stick to...maybe you should hold off on the actual wedding. Try to figure out if you will be able to live with this AND be happy. I made the choice to live with it and I honestly can't say I have been really truly happy throughout the years. The wonderful, beautiful and lovely woman that my SO is still cannot eclipse the unhappiness I have over the results of her lack of discipline with her kids and the way my stepson has turned out. (drugs, violence and verbal abuse)
Good luck. I really do hope the best for you and yours.
Keep in mind, you might love
Keep in mind, you might love those girls but they are not yours, you have no business disciplining them... you are not their parent, leave it to the parents...
The problem is often bio
The problem is often bio parents don't know what's best for their kids a lot of the time. Most bio parents spoil and coddle their kids beyond comprehension and make excuses for their child's poor behavior. When someone points out a differing of opinion when it comes to parenting they get very defensive and act extremely entitled and sling insults such as "you dont have kids" or "you're not around enough" (when they aren't even your kids to be raising in the first place) lol.