i would toss out all the inappropriate clothing. if she cant dress herself respectfully then she looses choices. leave nothing but what is dress code for school and maybe keep a few things that arent for weekend wear but hide them (i did this when i had custody of my sister she loved to dress like a skank). as for the dog if she isnt helping talk to your dh and have him enforce the dog walking with him monitoring it and if she refuses to help or do it correctly you should probably get rid of the dog if you dont have the time for it and try again when your young ones can help out with the responsiblity

if she cant wear an undershirt as an undershirt then get rid of them or be a major ass and sew them to the over shirts lol

Where's her dad? Why isn't he doing something about her clothes and her chores?

Start a Facebook page and call it "Fashion Horror Stories". Post photographs of her in her trashy clothes, and comment on how you fear for her safety if she keeps wearing these provocative items.

Be at the door every day with a camera, and take photographs of her, then post them on Facebook. She will hopefully learn that if she wants attention - she will GET ATTENTION - but not in the way she imagined!

It could backfire on you, but it could also work. No kid at 12 years old wants to be "trashed" on Facebook, even if they are wearing trashy clothes.

Is there any consiquence when she is caught dressing inappropriately, other than changing? You have to find a way to not make it worth her while to try. I would say that she loses the offending outfit, and something else that you think if appropriate (no tv that day, and extra chore ect). Or maybe she loses that outfit and YOU (heheh) pick what she wears that day, and make it something she hates. Maybe get a bunch of baggy, ugly tshirts that you know she will hate and if she tried to be slutty, she gets to wear one of those.There has to be some consiquence that makes her second giluess trying to sneak it past you.

And maybe seperste out her clothes, into school appropriate, and not appropriate...so there no confusion or "but I thought this was okkkkkk" whining to daddy. Or, make her get you or dad's ok the night before, and if she switches outfits the next morning, she's punished.

As for the dog, you and Dh need to sit her down and be very specific of exacly what she is expected to do and what the consiquences are if she doesn't do it correctly. For example....you will pick up the puppy, put her leash on and walk her atleast this far, and you will not come inside until she had done both #1 and #2. If you to not do that at this time and this time, you will have xxx as a consiquence, if you are rough or mean to the puppy, you will have xxx as a condiquence. And write it down, post her rules over the dogs crate. You will have to keep on top of her for a while, but she will eventually get tired of being punished and start doing it right. She will still probably only do that absolute bare minimum she can get away with, so be very specific of what you will accept.

If you let her get away with not having to help with the dog, she's just going to see that she can act like an ass and get out of things she doesn't like by half assing it. And being realistic, there no way you can watch her and the.puppy closely enough to keep her from ever touching or enjoying it. You'd just come off as the crazy nutbag sm to Dh after a while.

Take the slutty clothes away. They just disappear. How is she buying them? All money stops if she can not wear them appropriately.

As for the dog, I don't think kids can be responsible for pets. If you got the dog, it is your responsibility. We have two small dogs and rarely ask the kids to do anything with them. I consider them mine. Kids are too immature to handle it.

Find another chore, setting the table, sweeping, garbage cans, vaccuuming. Something other than the family pet. Not fair to the dog, they will never get the consistency they need to be trained properly.

I think you should keep correcting it for the simple fact that if she sees you do not care what she wears she will wear crap like that when she goes out in public with you and your family. I wouldn't throw her clothes away bc really you would have to spend more money on new ones and if she really wants to dress like that she will just have a friend bring clothes for her at school to change into.

Yes, kids are irresponsible... But its out job as parents to teach them responibility. All of my kids have tasks associated with our pets. I take ultimate responilsibily, and ensure that evrything is done correctly, but the kids will participate. Even my 2 yr old has daily chores (that I obviously do with him). It is not unreasonable to ask a 12 year old to take the dog out to potty twice a day. It's not like she's being placed solely in charge of the dog, or being asked to potty train it on her own.

When we got our first puppy I was in 7th grade, so about the same age, and we were expected to walk her half a mile before school everyday and a mile after school everyday(this task rotated between three of us) in adition to feeding and all our other chores. My moms only responsibility with the pets was keeping on our butts to make sure we did it right. It wasn't unreasonable then, and its not unreasonable now. This kid is 12, not 5.

I still say that you should take photographs of her even if you don't post them on Facebook. You can always use them for blackmail purposes later - when she hopefully outgrows this trashy stage.

I don't know where people get that children are too young to care for animals. Ever been to a family farm?! Jeez we had 3 cats, 2 dogs, and a turtle at one point, and my kids took care of them AND stray animals that came to our house. They have always had pets and have NEVER had a problem with caring for them. This girl needs to learn some empathy. I like the ideas peanutandsons gave. She needs to have some consequences.

As far as the puppy goes,
Please don't tolerate cruelty, roughness, or neglect from your SD, or anyone for that matter. This is a living creature that is dependent on you to meet all of it's needs. Treating it like that makes me so sad.

Teenagers 12 and up, live in a world called "All about me".
I agree with others, don't have lessons be at the puppy's expense. If you see her act cruely again, tell her she is not allowed to touch the puppy. And if it doesnt' stop, give the puppy away to a house hold that will give him what he needs.

My stepkids beg for a dog. I know that I will be the one doing all the work so I always so NO!

As far as her clothing...sounds like daddy needs to get involved. I am a SM of a SD16 and if I tell her something once and she continues to do it, I call her dad and have him resolve it. Sounds like getting on the same page with your husband will make all the difference in the world. This was our biggest issue- not being on same page. Consequences are a MUST. What's worked for me in the past is having a sit down with you, her and husband, explaining what is appropriate and what's not, clearly (have dad do most of talking) and being united with you. Then have dad explain the consequence if she breaks the rules. Then FOLLOW THROUGH. It will be a battle at first, then she'll get the picture.

good luck!

From this point forward, I would only buy school appropriate clothing for her. That's what I had to do with my step daughter. She wears a uniform to school, but its a horrible battle with her in the summers, as she insisted on dressing inappropriate for camp/daycare. So this past summer, she was only bought t-shirts and boy shorts/bermuda shorts. No more tank tops, halter tops, skirts, or girly shorts. She still had a few tanks and skirts/shorter shorts that still fit, but by next summer all she will have to choose from is conservative appropriate stuff.

And I don't actually have a problem with tank tops in general, but they were against the rules at her summer program. And she was rolling up the bottoms of her shorts into bootie shorts. So now she gets t-shirts and Bermuda shorts that she cant roll up.

The clothing issue is only going to get worse as she gets older, so take away her ammunition now while you have total control over her wardrobe. Once they hit 15 and have money of their own and friends that can drive them to the store its going to get a whole lot harder.

My guess would be because she is crate training the dog. Puppy sleeps in the crate at night, and as she is heading out the door to get kids to school, puppy goes back in the crate while home alone. We did the same thing at our house.... When puppy is house broken and can be trusted alone in the house, then they can have free rein unsupervised.

I throw SD's clothes away all the time. When she was 9 she was as flat chested as an ironing board but her mother would buy her bra's. Every single bra ended up in the garbage can. Now she's 11. She swears she's all that and a bag of chips. I make her change her clothes all the time. But I doubt this little girl will be good for much. Her mom is an A**hole and pays her no mind whatsoever.

WOW - you sound like me!! about a year and a half ago......my SD now 15 moved in w/ us FT. I have been her SM since she was 2. DH had an image of her that was so insane!! he pictured that we would just all blend together into one happy family!! ya right! SD had her daddy wrapped around her finger and would spoon feed him her B.S. I tried so hard to shed some light on the situation for months; but SD was very good at what she did. She had DH played; SD even managed to get MY bestfriend on her side!! SD would lie....cheat......steal......smoke.....have sex...you name it; she was doing it! I used to get so mad and try to express my concern.....but somehow I always came out as the EVIL B* Stepmom....it got so bad I told DH that I was taking our other 3 kids and leaving. He finally decided to step up to the plate.....admitting his daughter was not the perfect princess was hard for him. Now I just sit back and let him do all the work. I find that UNLESS it directly effects me, my children, or my home I don't concern myself......that may sound rotten but I don't mean it to. It's just not worth it and ever since I have done this; we get along very well.......all of us. Good luck to you

**p.s. don't you know kids are too cool to wear coats.LOL - I laugh watching her freeze waiting for her bus - her choice........not mine