Whatever good parenting methods I have, I keep them focused on BS and BD. I don't waste them of SS. There's no point in me disciplining SS as DW is just going to undermine me anyways. Should I suggest some form a punishment for SS, DW just says one of the following:
A) "You are being too harsh. You expect too much from him" Your attempts at good parenting is conflicting with my attempts to coddle him
"I'll talk with him" Oh just shut-up and leave me alone
c) "Oh come on, didn't you ever do that as a kid?" I am deflecting the real problem and making this all about you
D) "Why do you always want to punish him? Why do I get the feeling you resent him? Why can't you be emotionally enmeshed with my son like I am!?!?

Oh man... it's a never ending cycle around here.

I married DW, and she wanted me to be a "fully invested" parent to SD. SD7 treats me like garbage, is generally a huge problem child, and I discipline her.

Cue the "You're being to hard on her" line.

I get sick of hearing that, and decide it's hands off time. If she's causing trouble, I'll just tell DW.

Cue the "You're an adult and you need to act like one, and be fully invested in parenting her."

There is no middle ground, none. If I correct behavior that I would never let my BS3 get away with, somehow I'm being "too hard" on her. If I ask DW to correct it I'm not doing my fair share of parenting.

I only enforced rules that affected the household. For instance:

H taught the skid to use towels instead of pot holders. Apparently leaving out the part where the towel shouldn't touch the burner or coils in the oven. She set numerous towels on fire and also nearly torched our kitchen as well. They usually hid these from me, but I always found the towels after the fact (lousy criminals, both of them). I put my foot down and told them both, skid cannot use the stove or oven. EVER. She can use the microwave and going forward, only use the pot holders to handle hot dishes. NOT MY TOWELS.

Uberskank tried to turn this around in court, telling the judge I refused to let skid eat when we weren't in the house. Judge looked at me and asked if this was true. When I relayed the situation, she turned to Uberskank and said "Her kitchen, her rules. Sounds reasonable to me."

Otherwise, I am a disengaged SM. H can punish or discipline (when she was younger) as he saw fit. It will be on the parents if they are raising entitled brats, who feel they can do what they wish. If the skid effed up and he didn't hold her accountable, then it was on him.

It's not up to me to discipline other people's children.

That has yet to work for me ... I'm suppose to treat them like they are mine until it comes down to discipline them. My YSS8 can't even put his shoes on the right feet. I've been told several times I'm being to tough and I've heard the all kids do that, I'm sure u did that as a kid .. Well yea I did and I got in TROUBLE and I LEARNED NOT to do that. Just called him out of throwing Pizza in the floor of my car ... Got told BS was doing it too ... Well i didn't catch him doing it I caught u so pick it up.. Nope!
I got the I don't have to listen to you or do what you say & my dad doesn't care if I don't ...

I agree with katielee. I stepped in and set some clear boundaries, rules for SS who is now 18. The way I see it, I need to speak up about the things that matter to me regardless of whether this is my SS or DS. When SS moved in with us last year I told him the very first day there are two rules: Be respectful, clean up after yourself. I have enforced this like you wouldn't believe. I have tolerated absolutely no dirty looks, no attitude. I have not picked up after SS or cleaned his room/bathroom. I have been a force to be reckoned with if DH doesn't back me up. I don't care if I'm the evil stepmom. I will be comfortable and respected in my own home.