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Messy family moves in with very clean girlfriend

lisamarie73's picture

I've been with bf for 3 years. I have no kids, a few animals and own my own home. I like a clean house without clutter. (Not ocd, but clean) His part time kids are messy messy messy. He is too. Are there any tricks I can use to get them to clean up after themselves? I am the only one who picks up after myself. He won't say anything because that's how they live. BUT they moved into my house. I need to get through to them that they need to keep it cleaner, and I will stop nagging. Already tried talking to bf. He says he will, but never does.

Cover1W's picture

I moved in with DP who has SD11 and SD9 50%. SD9 can reasonably clean up. She has even asked me how to clean a cast iron frying pan (ok but don't drop it on your foot!). DP and SD11 are hopeless. Messier than I could imagine. It's crazy. Persistence and living with him 1 year to make inroads to him being even a teeny bit aware of clutter and mess. I mean, he will leave dirty glasses and coffee cups EVERYWHERE. His clothes pile up in the couch. I'll help him a little more than SDs, cause he helps me with things and I love him.

SDs I don't ask them to do much unless it's clear the table if their stuff so we can eat dinner (DP then often does this for them to my consternation) or something like that. Most other stuff I will just toss in their room or put into the attic area once they are gone. If it's not essential they don't need it. I leave their dirty dishes and kitchen messes for DP to clean up or for him to get after them.

It's REALLY HARD to walk away from but you have to. Talk with your partner and decide what you cannot live with not cleaning. Then he has to back you up on those spaces. Everything else is his deal to sort out.

Raggles's picture

I left SO and skids. They are so messy and dirty my sanity i was losing. I like a clean house no problem with untidy now and then but dirty clothes cups etc no way.
After 2 days of me leaving- his house looks like a pig sty! They wont ever change no matter how much you try!
Good luck....

Shaman29's picture

It's not going to get any better. You moved a messy family into your home. You knew they were messy before they got there. They were not and are not going to change their ways. Nagging or discussing with your BF is not going to change anything.

You need to decide:

1. Can you live this way?
2. Can you stay in a relationship with Oscar Madison, when you're Felix Unger?
3. If you can't live this way, are you prepared to kick your BF and his kids out of your house?

IslandGal's picture

Unwashed dishes, cutlery etc - dump it on their bed.
Unwashed laundry - dump it on their bed
Scattered toys/games etc.. 1 warning - then it goes in the bin.

No cooking, cleaning etc for them - disengage and keep your sanity, if you can!

onthefence2's picture

Not sure how old the skids are but this might work. Turn everything into a contest. For example, give them each a grocery sack and the person who brings the most trash back to you gets X (their currency). Leave a list for them Friday night that they will see upon waking that has specific chores that they need to do (their dirty dishes, laundry on the floor, trash around the house, etc.) and the first to complete the list gets treated to a movie or something. Oh, include dh as well Smile You won't be able to change them but you might be able to challenge them. I know it sucks imagining rewarding people for behaviors they should already be doing. But it would suck more to be angry about it all the time. If they are smart and it's the right currency, they will clean trash from each other's rooms before others can get it.

Mikhaila87's picture

I just had a sit down with my partner regarding cleaning the house. I do most of it. Not all he does have a random blitz of the house every now and then lol. I am a messy person however I am a clean person. I like a clean house, it doesn't need to be spotless but clean and kind of tidy. It has taken 2 years to get the skids anywhere near human standard. I have simple requests.
1. Respect your bedroom, no eating or drinking, keep it a messy but it has to be clean...xbox was removed when BD realised the state of it.
2. I will clean your clothes IF they are put out...I will then dump them back in your room in a pile...you sort.
3. When finished with a cup or plate put it in the kitchen with the rest of the dirty dishes. Not scattered around the kitchen, and left overs in the bin
4. Toilet seat down!
5. Eating properly. Still working on this one, will get there
6. Hands off the walls!

You have to keep enforcing the rules, they are kids they will forget. My skids have it very easy with BM. Hardly any rules so I understand its difficult to come to a house they see as uber strict. You just have to nicely enforce the rules. They soon learn.