Skids are Pigs -
Hello - am a 41 yo noncustodial SD with 2 SSs - 8 yo, and 4 yo. Am very tired of cleaning up after them - especially after picking up bag of legos 4 times before they are returned to their BF. The 4yo doesn't make much of a mess (8 yo used to getting everything he wants and all attention from BF). The 8 yo redefines ingratitude - getting everything out of the closet, so that their room is a disaster area. The BF is OCD, and I am sure cleans up after him and lets him get away with anything.
I approached the subject with DW last night. I floated the "one toy at a time" concept - didn't fly. She says to give him an opportunity to clean up, and if he doesn't, then take toy away. Not a problem - but for how long? I suggested a month (they visit every other weekend, Fri to Sun). So, again, I am instantly the bad guy that has to be the enforcer. I would rather just throw the toys away, or give them to the Salvation Army.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Another issue: Last week at supper table with DW, 2 SSs, and one of their cousins - 8yo SS says "You're pretty fat for a 40 year old". I was shocked, then more shocked to hear silence from my DW, then I said "that is very rude, you need to apologize". Then my DW states "Well, our neighbor says the same thing". WTF!!!!
Anyway - I had a discussion with DW, but it doesn't seen to have registered from what I can tell. I did not resort to yelling or violence or time-outs. I feel that the DW should have immediately corrected this situation. I am a bit overweight, but have recently lost 40 pounds with diet and exercise. 8 yo SS is malnourished from his BF feeding him only macaroni and cheese or cheese pizzas and nothing nutritious.
Any suggestions on a better or more effective course of action?
Thank you in advance.
if the toys are left out,
if the toys are left out, take them to the salvation army.
I used the "take away" method
I used the "take away" method with my own daughter. Barbie clothes and shoes and houses as far as the eye could see. If I had to clean them up, they went up for as long as we could stand it (generally about a week).
I have seen other parents offering this suggestion: If you have to pick it up, it goes up until the child does a chore to earn it back. I would set a time limit and if it's not important enough to the child to earn it back, I would give it to a charity of your choosing.
Name calling should not be tolerated-ever. Start out gently, correcting the behavior. Explain why it's not polite and can be really hurtful. If the kid has been called a name they don't like, remind them of it. The only thing I can say is to take up for yourself if your lovely wife won't do it. That's what I have had to do...for both myself and my DH. Unfortunately, kids are just mean little snots sometimes and will act as such and no amount of correcting will stop most of them from being such snots...
Well, welcome to the next
Well, welcome to the next generation of lazy people. I see that more and more. I see people too busy to supervise their kids or to enforce this behavior so it goes on and on . My skids are totally nasty and don't clean anything. Maybe we were a generation of clean people and this new gereration is more lazy and dirty ? I don't have the answer , but , I hate living in a filty home. :sick:
Thank you all for your input.
Thank you all for your input. Bravo Stepaside on the adjectives - the ones you used actually describe the 8 yo pretty well. The 'take away' method looks to be the way to go. Thank you again.