Me and My. Not we or ours anymore
Background here is he was married for 16 yrs divorced for 10. I was married 14 yrs divorced 5. Dated for 3 yrs and now married for 2 yr. His ex had an affair, she left and wanted to divorce, he didn't want it. I moved in his house they had together. He has 3 kids 2 which are grown other is back and fourth. I have 2 which live with us. Lately everything has become his or my? Not we or ours! Here are a few examples: DH comes home and says I need to go check on MY garden to see if anything is coming up! I guess I need to go fill up my boat before gas prices jump for the summer! I need to mow my yard before it rains! Here is my other issue. The other day "we" are sitting outside and he says the dog is digging up around that tree and its going to die if we don't move him away from it. I ask what kind of tree is it? He says I'm not really sure "WE" planted it when we built the house!! (I don't think the tree will survive much longer! haha) I never said anything. He didn't catch on what he even said. I have just been sitting back a listening to try to figure out why would he start saying me and my? Anyone else had this to happen to them? Is it just nothing and I'm making a big deal about it.
My first thought, he is not
My first thought, he is not over his first wife yet. Mind you, he may not even realize it himself. It takes a man longer to get over a woman & move on with life than a woman getting over a man. Possibly might not move on from his first marriage. Sounds like he really wanted to work it out & 16 years is a long time to be married. if i were you, I would seek professional counseling & go from there.
Best luck to the both of you!
The only time my DH uses the
The only time my DH uses the word "we" or "our" is when he needs my help with something, i.e., "WE really need to get OUR lawn taken care of."
If he uses the word "you" or "yours" means I need to do something and he will not assist, i.e., "YOU need to make sure YOU buy bologna when you do YOUR grocery shopping." (I typically refer to this as his "YANEEDTA's")
If he uses the word "me", "I" or "my", that means it's his but he needs my help with something, i.e., "I just noticed that MY Harley sure could use a good wash.", or "I guess I need to see if MY pants need to be ironed...... (insert heavy sigh here)"
Have you said something to
Have you said something to him? I only ask because my husband used to kind of do the same thing without realizing it. I pointed it out jokingly a few times. Once he started hearing himself do it and he realized how it made me feel, he made a real effort to change it.
You're living in the house he
You're living in the house he lived in with her? You're a far more mature woman than I.
It sounds like the only
It sounds like the only reasons why he identifies everything around the house as "Me,My,etc" it's because its something that he had invested with ex-wife in the past, and since that they are now divorced it becomes his. I personally would have never moved in a house where there is past memories,and where ex-wife prints are all over the house even if i was remodeled. I simply believe, once two ppl get married,i believe that everything should be a fresh new start and so that both can invest and have a new begining. That way neither party will or should take control of properties, while the investment was equally contributed.
I don't think there's much to
I don't think there's much to really figure out here....
The house, the boat, the yard, etc....they were all his BEFORE he ever met you. They will always be HIS things. The things you owned prior to meeting him, will always be YOUR things. He built the house with his ex....not with you. Therefore "they" built it. Not the two of you. If you were to buy a house together and move in, then of course you should expect that he is referring to it as "your" house.
IMO, I think you're reading into this too much. Us men really don't think about the verbage we're using when talking about stuff like that, and don't think it really should be that big of a deal. The bottom line is he probably just assumes that you have enough common sense to realize and figure out that the house is/was HIS long before the two of you ever got together.
Sorry just now getting back
Sorry just now getting back to the site. I do have to say WE bought the pontoon boat together and go to the lake every other weekend. WE refinanced the house on a shorter term. WE built the garden/strawberry patch. I completely understand it was his home previously. Just since the last few months he has started the I, mine etc. before it was always us, we. My SD will be getting married soon and WE have saved & put OUR money back little at a time to save 3,000 to give them for the wedding. This afternoon she comes by the house and this is exactly what he tells her. When you start getting ready for the wedding "I" have put aside 3,000 to give you for the wedding. Really! What about me!!! So I am thinking "I" will give them a seperate gift from "ME" to them and see what happens? BTW his ex is getting married next month also wonder what she will be giving? Nothing because "WE" "I" pay for everything !!!!!! Really feeling like "I" am being taken for granted.