Living together after separation
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Hi me and DH are at the point of having to live together until the house is sold as I run my business from here but this includes SS 17yrs who is the reason for the break up of our long marriage. Anyone else having to do this? How are you coping with it?
Now you can completely ignore
Now you can completely ignore him and telling his father to clean up after his kid when he gets home. Just count the dollars saved by not renting to sooth your anger.
Thank you Orange County. I'm
Thank you Orange County. I'm quite scared to be honest as I have never been in this position but everyone is telling me to stay put. SS came in tonight with a big triumphant (my dad chose me over you) grin on his face. I just wanted to scream get out you evil little weirdo but rose above it. I am going to save every penny I can for my future.
Just ignore him and look
Just ignore him and look toward the future. You will be much happier and if you focus on that, it doesn't matter what SS does. YOU will win. YOU are winning.
Thank you on the fence. Well
Thank you on the fence. Well thankfully DH is playing ball. I told DH that I didn't want SS to be in the house when he wasn't there so I got up this morning and SS had left the house when DH had gone to work. SS was probably not happy doing that at 6:00 when he was still watching tv in his room at 1:00. He usually waits until he hears me cleaning my teeth and go to bed then he sneaks downstairs to raid the fridge and whatever else he did during the night. He even set his alarm for 3:00 and we found out because it was going off again at 3:00pm. He wasn't leaving the house during the night as the security lights would go off and the dogs would wake us barking. So the late nights meant long lay ins until midday. Now he has to sit at his dads work until his dad forces him to get a job as he walked out of college. DH has admitted to me that he can't tolerate him lazing around (but it's ok when he is at work and SS is at home) so I doubt that won't last long. They clash and DH has always given him money to well, just get away which SS has used over the years to his advantage.
well well well. i guess
well well well. i guess there is price to be paid for getting sm out of the picture. in time dh will hav a spoiled, lazy son on his hands. too bad you wont be around to be the fly on the wall to see this.
Hubby now is offering me cups
Hubby now is offering me cups of tea and I feel like he is expecting everything to go back to normal especially as it's our wedding anniversary tomorrow. Please give me strength not to go back to being the doormat
just me now, your dh is now
just me now, your dh is now feeling guilty that he let himself get castrated by his son into divorcing you.
dont give in. be strong. the guilt he feels is obviously not enough to reconcile with you.
make sure you lock up all of your possessions. you are not a family anymore and dh and ss have no need to have access to your things.
i lived with my ex husband
i lived with my ex husband for 2 months after we decided to separate. no children involved, but it was still very awkward.
my ex was very good to me in some ways in that he let me live in the house for "Free" (we were quickly able to put the mortgage and utilities into his name once i knew i wanted out). in exchange, i still did the cooking and picked up after myself. i was able to focus weeknights on packing since i had a move date, it was a busy time at work, and then weekends i spent reconnecting with the friends and family id lost touch with during the 3 years we were married.
but boy did he watch me. i was definitely under the microscope and he was always wanting to know who i was talking with and where i was going. move day could not come fast enough.
I had to live like this for a
I had to live like this for a little over a month before I could move out. It was a very difficult situation. Between the "a big triumphant (my dad chose me over you) grin on his face" from both of H's adult sons to H's deadbeat friend living with us with the same evil grin. To pass the time, I stayed at work longer than I needed to even if I just played on the internet. I would stop by friend's house before I went home. I would pack. And if I had to I locked myself up in the bedroom as soon as I came home.
H would also offer me cups of coffee or to make me dinner. Asked if we could still date or can I have a hug. Crap like that. He was trying to be oh so sweet to me, but if anyone else was around he was a complete ass! Talk about someone giving up something he wants and loves to make selfish brats happy!
Having said all that, you need to stay strong and stay focused. Life is so much better once your out of the psycho mess. And soon after you have found your peace you will little by little hear about the karma that is biting all of them in the ass. Like what I am witnessing now
Thanks calypso To be honest,
Thanks calypso
To be honest, if it wasn't for my business that I run from here then I would have left . I don't like dramas or confrontations and will find it really hard tip toeing around each other. He told me after making me a coffee that he has no intention on telling his son that he can't be here with me alone so I said that I will in that case! So he has just stormed off with an overnight bag. Did your ex make it obvious that he was keeping an eye on you?
oh he sure did. the worst was
oh he sure did.
the worst was when he went away for a 3 day conference. he told me "if you have anyone here in MY house while im gone ill know about it". and it was true because he was a police officer in town. it was courtesy for them to do extra patrols by the homes of officers who were away to keep an eye on things. i enjoyed this perk during the good years (in fact on one vacation they hit our entire street and stole GPS's, etc. out of cars, but ours were intact because we didnt have any of that stuff in our cars) but for these 2 months it felt like prison.
Thanks for your reply
Thanks for your reply frustrated lady. That month must have felt like a year for you and well done for coping. It's only been a few days since DH told me he had chosen his son and we will be selling the house. He comes out with big threats but I've always got scared to start on my own as my youngest of 3 has now got married and has a family so I usually back down and put up with all the crap from SS again. It's one big vicious circle. So here I am stuck in a home with SS that hates me and DH that I feel uses me. There is no way I can fit a lock on my bedroom door as there is no room to fit one and my office is access in and out of the house so I have no privacy. There isn't even a lock on the bathroom door. I just want to run
{{{{Hugs}}}} You'll get
{{{{Hugs}}}}
You'll get through this. Take one day at a time.
As for locks - replace the door knob with a key lock. It's like 6 bucks @ walmart & you can do it yourself. All you need is a screw driver.
I do understand how you feel.
I do understand how you feel. When I left H it was the first time in my life that I was alone. Now I had been single for 6 years prior to meeting H, but I also had children. Now both my kids branched wings and have their own families (like a stable child should). The last 6 months I lived with H his 22 POS son lived with us plus his 52 yr old deadbeat friend. Now since I moved out H kicked YS and friend out so he could move his 25 yr old son in along with his baby momma and her kid from a previous relationship. Did I mention this son is worthless too?
My point is I thought I would be miserable living alone. Well I am not. I enjoy my time alone. I enjoy not having to fight with anyone. Basically I am totally free. H can't say the same. He is still living in stress hell.
Can you join a gym or something? You need so kind of outlet just to escape. As things get more real to your H that you are leaving, things are going to be more stressful.
Thank you simifan that's a
Thank you simifan that's a great idea. The handle is the type you push down though so will it still work if I replace it with a knob?
Hi frustrated lady. There is
Hi frustrated lady. There is lots around here that I could escape to but without giving too much away, I am scared to leave my business in case it gets sabotaged as I need it for an income. It's going to take me until September to be able to walk away.
My XW and I shared our house
My XW and I shared our house for a while after she filed for divorce. The plan was for one of us to move the other side of the house (it was a MIL plan) until the house sold. She worked nights and I worked days or evenings at that time so we were pretty much never home together.
She lasted only a couple of months then moved out but I let her know I would sue her if she failed to provide for half of the house payment. She gave me half of the payment for nearly 6mos until we leased the house. What really pissed her off was when I changed the locks after she moved out. She was no longer living there and had no business or need to access my home after she left.
That ended the house related XW issues for the next year. We had leased it with an option to purchase but our tenant decided she wanted the house without paying the remaining balance of the purchase price so my XW decided she wanted the house. Our agreement was she had to re-fi the house and get me off of the mortgage at which point I would sign a quit claim deed and she could have the house. I heard nothing from her for 3 years then I got a $10 cashier’s check and a quit claim deed in the mail. I sent it all back to her. She called ranting that I had agreed she could have the house if she paid the mortgage. I played the recording of our original conversation to her and told her "Half. Send me a check for half when you sell it." She had not refinanced and I had been on the mortgage the whole time, she had payed me no rent so I wold get half. End of discussion.
A few months of banshee ranting from my XW and finally GrandPa Sugar/Baby daddy sent me a check for half. She had left me for her geriatric Fortune 500 executive sugar daddy that she was pregnant by when she moved out. So, he paid my mortgage for nearly 4 years and I got half when they sold the house. Not bad. }:)
I suggest that you stay the course, save your money, and move on to a new life when the house sells. Have you listed it yet?
If not, call a realtor and get a sign up NOW!!!!
Good luck.
Thanks rags. Oh how they
Thanks rags. Oh how they change into monsters when you arn't under their control. I'm glad you stuck with it or it could have really knocked your confidence knowing she cheated yet still come out trumps. Good for you!
I tend to go through mood swings during the day. Tearful one minute, then angry then feel like running away to get away from the drama of it all but I think you are right that I should stick it out. I should go out too as recently advised because what's more important? My business or my mind. It's all insured anyway so what's the worse that can happen hmmmph
Thanks step down. I got
Thanks step down. I got offered a coffee last night then we had words and because I wouldn't back down, he stormed off all night to I don't know where but SS didn't come home either.... Which was nice! A friend advised me to do just what you are doing. Just live like a room mate to some fella that has a son. I'm searching on eBay at the moment for a lock for my bedroom door. I want a combination lock so that I don't have to hide the key because SS will find it. I'm going to move my desk up there too then other than SS drinking out of my milk bottle with his VERY unwashed mouth or taking a bite out of the cheese, there isn't anything much that him and his father can tamper with. I'm not bothered if he kills the rest of my house plants with bleach. I will wait until he gets bored scratching my car paintwork and breaking the mirrors and lights then just claim on the insurance in one go as vandalism. Maybe I will even turn the CCTV cameras around and aim one on my car. Anything in the house that gets broken or damaged will get claimed for on the house insurance. I feel so much stronger today than yesterday. Maybe because it's our 9th wedding anniversary. Oh nooo here comes the emotions. Maybe I'll just hide in my room and get rid of this lump in my throat.
Lock is now on bedroom door
Lock is now on bedroom door
Yep. Now that you guys have
Yep. Now that you guys have agreed that it’s over, ignore both of the bastards. Come and go as you please. Do what you want and how you want. I just left my skids and dh a month ago.
Summer loving how was the
Summer loving how was the living arrangements for you? SS has gone away for the weekend so it's a bit easier. DH is trying to do all the jobs that I normally have to ask him to do. Mow the grass, put the bins out etc
Well, my situation was a
Well, my situation was a little different. Go read my original post titled "Need to vent/Evil SS. In my case, my situation was becoming dangerous for my DD8. Once I made my mind up to leave, I stayed in the house for about 3 weeks so I could save money to move out and didn't say anything about it until I left. If my dh were to confront me now on any of the issues we have/had, I will tell him exactly what I think of him and his spawns.