If you think it's bad now, wait until they are teenagers. Talk about Hell on Earth.

Go find a man without kids and be happy.

They are young, too many years until they are on their own, to be this miserable. And that is not a sure thing, either. There is not enough wine, I'm afraid.

Hahaha I found this site the same way you did...

Why do we get ourselves into this mess? Why is it so bad that we resort to googling "I hate my stepkids"?? Lol

lol, I also Google I hate my stepkid!

I just googled it again for shits and giggles and found a post of mine on another website from 2008 titled "HELP! I'm starting to hate my step kids." It wasn't a step parent site so I got beat up pretty bad.

One man with young kids was contemplating getting married but said I was such a heartless bitch he decided not to marry her in case she turned out like me! Haa! I thought there was something wrong with me until I found this website. Now I see I'm normal. And, just think, I may have spared some lucky gal a misery filled life as a stepparent. }:)

Just DON'T do it!! Good choice! Yay, I will live vicariously through people like you who are wise enough (and brave enough) to walk away. I know it wouldn't have been easy at all for me to walk away from DH but knowing what I know now, I would have just kept him in my life as a friend, boyfriend, whatever, until his little jerk-offspring was old enough to not depend on me as a "pretend" mom she can walk all over and manipulate.

I would have even lived in my own place until this kid was gone. Instead, I gave up my job and my LIFE to live with this shit. Don't do it, Angela65! Everyone here is absolutely right. It only gets worse! And issues will arise that you never even thought of! I never thought about extended family criticism, how much say do I really have as a pseudo-parent, guilt, paying for a kid you don't particularly want/like, etc. Not to mention BM's ever-present phone calls, texts, and BS.

DH gets pissed at me for "letting one person, a little 9 year old, make my life miserable." Well fuck me--it IS miserable with the 24/7 presence of a dark cloud living under my roof!

I know exactly how you feel. I hate my step son so much that I am staying at my sisters house (alone as my sister is away) while the little sh*t and my SO take over my house. The sad thing is, my SO and I's relationship is so horrible now because of the issues with SS and BM. I'm
Also have a special needs daughter and have a high risk pregnancy. If I was a priority in my partners life I would not be alone right now. I dont have advice except don't get to the point where you escape and let the skids take over the house because you'll resent them and hate them more. Even though I'm pregnant, I'm gonna have to break up with this man. I've never been so miserable in my life. Good luck!

Google is a beautiful thing. I as well googled "i hate my step kids" .....now if only BM would google, "how to raise children that are not heinous bratty social mongoloids"

As someone else mentioned, the kids are so young (though it doesn't seem to get much better based on the Teen and Adult Stepchild Forums on here) that I'd just walk away. Lot of years left of dealing with this. Your SO may be trying now to be better with your kids but sounds like a case of too little too late PLUS he should be working on doing better with HIS kids. Like you said, it's usually the DH/SO/Parents that create monsters out of Skid situations & it's harder to change the Parents than the kids! So your DH is not going to suddenly start parenting his kids or working with the BM in a way that makes it easier for you and him to have a relationship. He will in fact get worse AFTER marriage because he'll really consider it part of your responsibility too. Don't marry him. Date him from separate homes if you wish but don't marry him.

Humans have emotional needs, just as we have physical needs. Some of our emotional needs are to feel accepted, appreciated, important, valued, cared about, understood. When we don't feel enough of one of these, we have an "unment emotional need."

regardless of whether it's right to judge a kid, if kids' need come first, it doesn't matter. If you cannot deal with his children and his attitude now, don't put yourself in that situation. Be kind to yourself, so you can be more grounded, happier, making better choices for yourself and your children. We all deserve to have a fulfilling, productive, happy life, we all deserve to be respected, loved, cared for.

You can find a single guy, divorced guy or a single father, as long as he cares about your needs. The problem is not his children, the problem is HIM. He hasn't made any efforts of listening to what you have to say. Lack of respect, lack of care is the problem. Dump the guy and find yourself a hero.

Good luck to you

5 and 8... try 11, 14 and 17.. Ive aged 15 years in the last 3 years lol... but deep down i love it.. i suppose each person is different!

Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if I had had the courage to leave. I think you need to have an honest look at your bf and decide if you think he has the will or capacity to change, if not, leave. My dh has made a lot of progress but I still find being a sm to be so so hard. You reallyy need time together as a couple. If he is unwilling to make the time then you know where your relationship sits as a priority to him.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if I had had the courage to leave. I think you need to have an honest look at your bf and decide if you think he has the will or capacity to change, if not, leave. My dh has made a lot of progress but I still find being a sm to be so so hard. You reallyy need time together as a couple. If he is unwilling to make the time then you know where your relationship sits as a priority to him.

Angela65, I'm with you here. You have been given so much good advice on this and deep down your the only one that can make this decision. We are alot stronger than we think and we can have a great life as well with out the complications of other peoples drama. This is your decision but if you are not happy and life is hell, get out. You deserve better than this and so do you children. You need to put them in front of everything you and them. I wish you all the luck and I hope things turn around for you but with my experience and I'm still going through it, it only gets worse. hugs

Angela65, I'm with you here. You have been given so much good advice on this and deep down your the only one that can make this decision. We are alot stronger than we think and we can have a great life as well with out the complications of other peoples drama. This is your decision but if you are not happy and life is hell, get out. You deserve better than this and so do you children. You need to put them in front of everything you and them. I wish you all the luck and I hope things turn around for you but with my experience and I'm still going through it, it only gets worse. hugs

Well, if you do choose to marry someone with kids, at least you'll be going in with full disclosure and will know what to expect. And you'll know to detach right away to protect your heart from being shredded. And to keep separate finances. Most of us didn't know what kind of a shytestorm we were stepping into until the hook was set. I would submit to all women that is it crucial to keep your education and income producing skills up-to-date so you can always take care of yourself. And always have a back-up plan. If you do this and it gets too bad, you will be able to walk and feel strong enough to survive. If you are too dependent on a man, or if you let them destroy your self-esteem, they will all tear you up. Know your options and listen to your intuition. Know when you've had enough and when to leave if you need to. Don't make the same mistakes a lot of us did.

When i first started dating DH he told me he'd been on a few first dates with ladies, but once he told them he had a kid they never went out with him again. I remember saying at the time, "hmm, that's weird! Well their loss is my gain!". Now i wonder if anyone of those wise women had been on this site before they started dating him!

Forgive me if I repeat anothers reply or close to, I rather not read reply's before giving my two cents cause it could change what I say. Speaking only from what I lived through, being a step parent is the hardest thing I have ever gotten myself into. I would highly advise anyone not to go through it unless the partner they are with is worth going to hell & back for. Step parenting can be a test of love in many ways. Not everyone is cut out for that job.

Being the kids are only 5 & 8 yet the problems are this bad already, it does get worse before it gets better. The bright side, they do grow up! You can't change most of which unfortunately but you can look out for your best interest & your offspring. I don't know how many kids you have of your own or how that situation unfolds with all involved, you need to look out for your kids & you first. As for what the community thinks about it, its none of their business & they won't matter in a few years from now anyways. Step parenting/step kids is about people learning how to disengaged. I'd like to learn of your situation before I say to much & hear where you stand, how/why you feel why you do, & what you vision happening down the road with or without your partner.

Hope it doesn't sound too lame! Best of luck

So funny so many have found this site the same way

I will never be in another relationship where there are stepkids involved and I've told my BF that.

It has been the hardest thing I've ever done.

We just passed our 5th anniversary, we're not married, and some days I simply wish I could walk away.

Wish you well. Follow your heart, sometimes our heads can rationalize away our real feelings.

I just ended a 2 yr relationship. I couldn't deal with the Disney parenting, inability to communicate w/ exw drama, princess parenting when it comes to his daughters, never being first...the usual. We had differences that I could overlook, but that topped with all the drama from his past life (exw/kids) made it not worth it. I thought I would suffer until the kids were grown, but if you read in the adult skid section, it never ends! LOL We did not move in together...that's how you get trapped! I'm really too busy raising my kids to have a relationship anyway, but I'm sure if SuperDude came along I would make time. Do what you feel is right and listen to that inner voice!