Sorry, but so do the other 99% of women here...lol OK, I know you hate it. Let it be know most do. sigh... What a nightmare!

I certainly hate being a stepmom. Is this normal or is it just a 50% thing? The only days of the week I enjoy are the ones sks are not at my house. They are young, but I can definitely see myself telling them to get out of my house once they are old enough to say they don't want to be there. They wreak havoc. I too need a psych eval. I keep thinking that I was not meant to live a life this way. But I really do love my DH. He is my best friend. I wonder wth is wrong with him that he had a evil spawn with his pillhead and homeless ex?

I hate it too. You are NOT alone.

90% of the time I hate being a stepmom too. I too knew going in he had these kids, what I did NOT know was the hell that his BM would put us thru. I did not know that one of his kids would end up living with us, I did not know that every thing would get so complicated. Nor did I ever imagine how draining it would be. I am grateful for this blog. It has put things in a whole different light. It has helped me know that NO, I am NOT alone. Blended families are tough. We have to find a healthy balance but only if we really love our spouses. My thought is I want to grow old with this man. His kids will grow, they will marry & move on and it will just be us and I am looking forward to that. Even if it isn't for another God knows how many years, but it will happen. Hang in there. Good luck.

I feel the same way If I could go back in time I would have put my foot down and said there isn't a chance in hell that I will raise your child if you cant deal with that we cant be together. It's not our fault that they have children with these POS BM's yet we get stuck dealing with with all the issues in the end. My mom told me the other day you are going to have to start looking at SS as if he is your own. She's lucky she taught me better than to disrespect her! Our skids disrespect us, don't listen, treat us like crap, act out etc and we just have to accept it. Other people say well they have issues cause their mom abandoned them or they are just rebelling because they see the way you take care of your kids and they dont have that. but here we are trying to help this kid only to get treated like shit. well I feel like I have issues, if its okay for skids to have them because of the situation its okay for me to have them too because I am a person, I have feelings and I am tired of getting stepped on. I am forced to take care of something another woman threw out, I do it because I am a better person than her that doesn't mean I'm happy about it

There's nothing quite like 0% authority and 100% responsibilty as it concerns someone ELSE'S child.

14 Miserable years in the prison yard here......I CANNOT STAND my 26 yr old SD, she's a totally selfish, spoiled, ungrateful, manipulative little twit and I am so glad that she texted me to tell me that "she" can't handle our relationship mentally anymore and will not bother me and wishes I would do the same. I wish i could slurr a string of curse words at her right now but, I'll keep my composure and stay on this website. Thanks to all the SM sisters out there!~!

This is my first post to this site. I am loosing my mind and have no where to turn. When I met my Fiance he was divorced with joint custody to his 7 yr old son. I came into the relationship fully aware that he has a son and I will be the GIRLFRIEND to the guy that has a kid..Oh Boy was I wrong! Now that I look back to a year ago when I met his son..I realize that his mother was just waiting for a way out from her responsibilities. November 2010 I met his son and I took him rollerskating, hay rides, you name it...Over the months after I met his child on the days the mother was supposed to pick him up from daycare..she "finds out" right before she is supposed to pick the child up that she has to "work late". This happened EVERY week! My Fiance works 2pm-10pm every day, so guess who picked him up and was the puppet for his BM..Me! She knows that I would never leave him stranded, so she played him against me and played me, until July 2011 when she moved with her boyfriend to Boston and hasn't turned back or seen him since. In a way I am happy that she isn't around treating me like her puppet, but in a HUGE way I wish she would have just taken him with her. I went from being single wanting to start my like with his father and have our own kids to now being this child's full time care taker. I am resentful to his mother and father who are not taking care of their responsibility! I didn't ask for this and had no idea the mother was going to up and leave..I've talked to my boyfriend many times about switching shifts, but he will loose $300+ a month and we bought a house less than a year ago that we can't afford for him to go to a different shift. To top it all off..I was an Investigator for 5 years with a good paying job and right before Christmas I was let go because I wasn't able to work at the pace I was before getting their responsibility dumped on my lap. I have started to file bankruptcy due to having a Condo in Massachusetts that I was renting out but can no longer afford due to loosing my job because of this child! I moved away from my friends and family in Massachusetts to take care of this child. I had to move to Connecticut to the town the BM grew up in because that is the school the child was attending when I met my Fiance. I care for him but my sister can't understand with her picture perfect family that it is nothing like your OWN children that I want so desperately. I feel like I've given up my whole life for someone that was a STRANGER a year ago. I have so much resentment that my life was ripped from me and stomped to the ground all for this one child that could not look any more Asian like his mother. I'm not prejudice..its just that I have so much anger towards her for the nerve of ruining my whole life because she didn't want to take care of her responsibility! You would think because she was adopted she wouldn't abandoned her own child. The only break I get is maybe a day on the weekend when he's home or his mother has him over for a sleepover. I thought my anger and resentment would get better but I feel it getting worse! I try at all costs to have him in a different room than me because I just can't stand being on the same room if I don't have to. I see red when he does the stupid "make no sense 7 yr old stuff. I grabbed him by the arm in a fit of anger the other night. I feel like I'm loosing control! My only CHOICE was to leave a kid that was already abandoned..I am not a person to ever do that..Does anyone have any advise...?

I completely feel the things you are feeling, I am so glad I have found this forum so I no longer have to feel like a freak!!

I don't know how my anger can get so over the top with him..I know it is all routed from resentment and it isn't fair to take it out on him, but as much as I tell myself that I can't control how mad he can make me..It's so hard to try to raise a kid that his mother brought him up SOOO picky with food and spitting image of her. I can break him of the food habit (even though it has been hell), but I can't change the way he looks..I feel horrible that I tell my niece and nephew how cute they are and want to hug and kiss them, but only kiss this child goodnight because its the right thing to do..

I hate the situation, but not being a stepmom. I love my stepson, it's his mother and her family that I'm less than thrilled about.

I am so glad I found this site. I thought I was a horrible person for the way I felt about my SD. So that's a relief that it's nit just me!! But it's also really really depressing because so far I haven't found any one that says 'it's ok, it gets better with time'. That was my one hope for sanity that maybe one day it will be better. But now it feels like you guys spoiled the ending to my book. It doesnt get better. Thanks for ruining it for me! Oh well maybe there's a twist in it after all. Like maybe one day SD will become SM and be in my shoes. Thank god for karma!

Oh god you have my same life I quess I'm not alone everything you said is what I'm going through SS is 17 his mom checked out of his life I've had him in mine since he was 9 dear god I hope my end is soon I'm counting the days for him to be gone !! Your not alone

Oh yikes! I'm still in the beginning of this step-parenting thing; only at it for a year and it hasn't been TOOOO terrible yet. My biggest issues are with BM.

Should I be preparing for much worse!?

I cant believe how I feel. I love my boyfriend and I don't want to leave but I am the primary caregiver to my s.s and omg he drives me nuts. his mom only gets me 2 months out of the year and every other Christmas. I cant handle it. he is rude an jerk and he is only 5 years old. my boyfriend try's to help and is starting to see how he is with me. i start recording the way he is with me. and his mother just works him up. she calls and its like all hell is opened up on me. I thought I was making a break through. we had a great two days (i took him out and we did lots) then we stayed home today cause I had to help my sister in law (how is also a step mom) watch 3 of the 4 while the 4 Th had a doc appointment. and he's been nothing but a jerk. he leaves on Sunday (I CAN NOT WAIT) to go to his mom's for two months. I've been saying its not hard to be a mom 2 months out of the year when the two month are SUMMER. no rules no routine. I have the hardest job I watch kids from home so I have him 24 7. and I do a lot with him more than his parents ever did his grand parents praise me for how far he has come and how much he is like me. I love him I know I do way down deep but some days id like to just let his mom have him and be done with the head ache. we had had to limit the amount she can talk to him cause its just to much she just gets him worked up and its usually right before bed. I'm hoping that school will help me get a break. I don't know if I want this relationship for life but I LOVE my boyfriend and I know he loves me I know/think Alex does to but some days I just don't know.

I feel like I am in a situation where I am just "here".

Yeah...you can only smile and pretend things don't bother for soooo long.

There's nothing quite like 0% authority and 100% responsibilty as it concerns someone ELSE'S child....I love that quote...That is EXACTLY how I feel...and it is great that there are others who HATE being a SM..I am very bitter. It has gotten to the point where I just want to explode. The fact that I am raising someone else's child was not even a foreseen option when I married my husband..then BAM! Going to court, taking parenting classes to support my husband in his part of the CPS issues...then wow, we had a 9 year old who's BMGM had been hiding..CPS placed her in our custody. It wasn't so bad at first but now she has gone through puberty and manipulates her father..I cannot even correct her without a big blow up by my husband...he used to make her respect me and now she can do no wrong... She acts entitled to anything and everything she wants. And my husband even expects me to entertain her through the summer. I work 7 days a week and I love being away from home. I do not have 'friends'. My whole life has been about 'family' and my kids are adults now. I now have to raise another child...she is not mine and the courts took all of her BM's parental rights away..(that means she doesn't have to pay child support) Yet I see her walking the streets, still turning tricks for crack and I'm on my way to work. My SD has ADHD and is on medication...I am soooooo bitter. And now SD is 13 yrs old. Dresses like an adult and refuses to do even the smallest things 'rules' I have made..and my husband (BF) won't do his part to make her respect me..he does't even respect me..everything wrong is my fault and he says I am picking on 'his daughter'...I am not obsessive compulsive but I expect the same from her as I expected from my own children when I raised them..I am 46 yrs old now, my husband 47 has NEVER raised any of his kids and because I have seen how kids manipulate, behave less than modestly and I call her on it and warn him that I see the signs of her being "fast" he still defends her. I hate being a step mom.

There's nothing quite like 0% authority and 100% responsibilty as it concerns someone ELSE'S child....I love that quote...That is EXACTLY how I feel...and it is great that there are others who HATE being a SM..I am very bitter. It has gotten to the point where I just want to explode. The fact that I am raising someone else's child was not even a foreseen option when I married my husband..then BAM! Going to court, taking parenting classes to support my husband in his part of the CPS issues...then wow, we had a 9 year old who's BMGM had been hiding..CPS placed her in our custody. It wasn't so bad at first but now she has gone through puberty and manipulates her father..I cannot even correct her without a big blow up by my husband...he used to make her respect me and now she can do no wrong... She acts entitled to anything and everything she wants. And my husband even expects me to entertain her through the summer. I work 7 days a week and I love being away from home. I do not have 'friends'. My whole life has been about 'family' and my kids are adults now. I now have to raise another child...she is not mine and the courts took all of her BM's parental rights away..(that means she doesn't have to pay child support) Yet I see her walking the streets, still turning tricks for crack and I'm on my way to work. My SD has ADHD and is on medication...I am soooooo bitter. And now SD is 13 yrs old. Dresses like an adult and refuses to do even the smallest things 'rules' I have made..and my husband (BF) won't do his part to make her respect me..he does't even respect me..everything wrong is my fault and he says I am picking on 'his daughter'...I am not obsessive compulsive but I expect the same from her as I expected from my own children when I raised them..I am 46 yrs old now, my husband 47 has NEVER raised any of his kids and because I have seen how kids manipulate, behave less than modestly and I call her on it and warn him that I see the signs of her being "fast" he still defends her. I hate being a step mom.

I hate it! The only good days are the days we don't have her. When I know it's her weekend to be with us I suddenly find myself in a crappy mood until we drop her off then its a sudden mood change an I feel better. My DH sometimes does not seem too enthused to have her around either. And herself she seems to care less about being with us. I wish we just stopped.

hi all

i really do hate being a stepmom too especially when the stepson get to have guess cloths and mine i have to see what to put in they backs , i have to pretend all the time i cry my self to sleep because i really do love this man but i hate the fact that he has kids else where and before me i hate my life i hate hate hate hate it i wish his kids the stepkids would disapear ......

I have been a stepmom for 13 years now. It's only gotten harder over the years for me. Sometimes I think if I had to do it over again I wouldn't. I never wanted children. My stepson's mother was/is a cokehead partygirl who has NEVER taken responsibility for her child. I have sacrificed so much. But it's never enough. I can't wait until he is finally out on his own. I fear he will be back here as soon as he moves out. His father never challenges his son. He feels too much guilt and the son never puts forth effort into anything. Dad does everything for him and coddles him. I hate the way I feel. I have a lot of animosity toward the son, and especially his mother. (They are very alike, minus the drugs/alcohol.) I hate being a stepmom. And I hate the guilt I have for hating my role as a stepparent.

Choices. It's as basic as life gets. Hate the life you're leading, do something, it's the only life you have. There is no good enough reason to live the life of a martyr and then wonder why you're doing it.

I am very new to all this, but I an already say I am not enjoying being a step parent to a teenager with disabilities. Not at all

“All for the love of a spouse? crazy children, bitter exes, guilty husbands.... all at our expense. I was never raised to live life like this.”  So true, and that is why I asked the question I did the other day: Why are SPs expected to give up ANYTHING for someone else’s divorce?  Why are we always the ones expected to suck it up and take it, take the high road, don’t take it personal, and give it time, etc.?  Why has no one ever asked that question: Why are SPs expected to give up ANYTHING for someone else’s divorce?  Where’s the justification for this? Especially in the year 2020?

In the year 2020 we are supposed to suck it in “All for the love of a spouse? crazy children, bitter exes, guilty husbands.... all at our expense”?  Because I can assure you, other than here, pretty much ever other advice site or discussion site for SPs involves how the SP can make it work and what the SP should be taking into consideration, mainly regarding how hard it is for BM and bio-dad and the kids.

Sure, when you marry someone, you expect to make accommodations, but expecting me to “take the high road” dealing with a be.atch BM, enabling DH and feral child (overstated, I agree), is totally asinine.  I’m being held liable for something I had absolutely no part in.  I’m being held majorly liable.  Not the best analogy, but that is like a mom and dad rob a bank, and dad’s SO winds up being held responsible by the social system, neighborhood and relatives, etc., while mom and dad get off with a slap on the wrist.