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I don't want this to happen

simply_monica's picture

I have no idea what to do. I have two stepsons, one is 12 and the other is 7. I feel absolutely hate to say this, but I honestly feel like I don't love my oldest stepson. It's to the point where I don't want him in the same room with me. It wasn't always like this. I used to adore him and actually took interest in anything he wanted. I was still a disciplinarian.
Yesterday, his mother called and said she and I had to talk. We actually sat down and talked. All the things she said he was accusing us of, just appalled me. It ranged from denying him food to us threatening to choke him for having an attitude. NONE of it was true. His mother didn't think it was true since she noticed he wouldn't be consistent in his accounts. She told me she thought he was saying these things in order to gain sympathy from his mom and grandmother. We've had so many issues about him flat out lying. We had child protective services visit us. We (my husband and I) thought this was a malice attempt from his ex-wife, but the worker said it was our oldest stepson who made the allegations.
His mom dropped the children off today. He refuses to say a word to me, nor I to him. I am beyond angry, I provided for this child. I feed him, clothed him, I take him to school, I nursed him every time he was ill. I mean I knew he had a habit of lying, but I had no idea what he was actually capable of. I have no idea what I can do, I don't want to get in any criminal trouble, I mean my husband had to go through an investigation and was cleared. I have no idea if anyone else has had an issue this bad, but what can I do?

simifan's picture

Hooray for BM for not taking this and running with it. You have no idea how lucky you are. Now here's the questions for the boy's parents...what are they going to do to address his lying behavior, help him understand the consequences of lying, and get him the help he obviously needs.

What I would do would depend largely on the answers to the question above. even the younger one is old enough to know this is wrong. I would not be alone with the kid. It could cost you everything.

simply_monica's picture

I don't want to be alone with him. I've expressed it numerous times. Unfortunately, I am the primary caretaker one day a week, where it's just myself and the kids. I am just wondering if there was ANYTHING I can do to protect myself from any allegations.

silentnites's picture

What Echo said...to a T..What everyone else said too.

You are extremely fortunate that the BM and her mother do not believe his stories. They are not feeding into it. As echo said do NOT be alone with him. If he questions it you can point out that his lying has put him in this position.

simply_monica's picture

Thank you for all the responses. I greatly appreciate them.
The biggest obstacle is my husband. He is NOT a disciplinarian. Even after all these lies came to light, he didn't even acknowledge it. He refuses to punish the children, EVER. It is so frustrating for BM, that she purposely drops the children off early (before my husband is home from work) so I can actually address any behavioral issues. Whenever I get to my wit's end with the kids, I ask my husband, "Why don't you punish them?!!" he always just says, "I've already told him once, I hate repeating myself". I don't understand! I don't get how these kids have no consequence when it comes to their father.
I take care of the boys on my own at least once a week while my husband works. Any time I ever said, "Hey, so-and-so, gave me attitude" he just shrugs and says, "I didn't see it".
It is just aggravating, if I am telling you, I'm not lying, I have no cause to lie. Just because he doesn't see it doesn't mean it isn't happening.
I just feel one day I'm going to end up in jail on a false allegation or what-have-you. I feel trapped. Each time I tell my husband I'm not comfortable watching the oldest, he gets irate.