I don't like one of my stepchildren
I don't know where to turn. I have lived with my husband for 3 years, he has 3 children aged 8,12 and 14, they live with us full time and have no contact with their mother. I had hoped that we would become a happy family and things would soon feel natural but it hasn't happened. I feel awful but I can't feel anything for the 14 year old, the other 2 I love being around. I hate feeling this way and hoped it would get better over time but it's just got worse. I don't know why I feel this way about her but it's getting worse. I feel so much guilt and I've really tried but it's still there, I just can't take to her I want to be able to feel something for her as I do the other 2 but it's not there. Has anyone else felt this way or am I just an evil stepmother, because that's how I feel right now.
14 year old girls are at a
14 year old girls are at a terrible age. They're really not very likeable. I don't even think they like themselves, which may be part of the problem. Is there any specific behavior she has that gives you a problem, or is it just her existence? There is really no requirement that you love or even like stepkids - you just need to be kind and respectful. Is your husband pressuring you to feel differently about her? Honestly, you can't help how you feel. As long as you treat her fairly, I don't think you're feeling or doing anything wrong. You shouldn't feel guilty. The unconditional love that parents feel for kids doesn't extend to stepkids in most instances. It just is what it is.
I have a SD and SS. I can't
I have a SD and SS. I can't stand my SD but my SS is awesome. I feel awful for saying it, but with each passing day my SD makes me wonder why I married my husband
Hmm I only genuinely like a
Hmm I only genuinely like a couple of my boyfriend's kids. Although to be honest my fondness rotates based on who annoys me the least that day. You already go above and beyond by helping to take care of her lol
Thank you for your replies.
Thank you for your replies. I think I expected to eventually feel about my stepkids the way I feel about my own children and grandchildren. The problem with the eldest is that she is nothing like myself or my daughters were at that age. She does have a few problems which my husband is very reluctant to accept. To look at her briefly you would just see an average teenager but she isn't. When she is told off she behaves like a 4 year old having a tantrum and she is way behind at school which unfortunately is not her fault. I try to treat her as I did my own at that age but it doesn't work. If I tell her off my husband says I'm picking on her and I started to believe him but then I thought about it and realised if my kids were doing the things she is doing I would have been exactly the same with them. (She has difficulties which I would have addressed when she was little but he and his ex never did) I am so down right now I'm wondering if it would be better for them all if I just walk away. ( my mother and my children all tried to tell me I would be taking on too much so now if I try to talk to them about things I basically get, we did tell you! But not so bluntly)
Liking 2 out of 3 skids is
Liking 2 out of 3 skids is pretty much a SM success story for this site.
Don’t feel bad
I used to like my SS but now I don’t like him or SD16. They are inherently unlikeable individuals so why should I feel bad about it?
They are the problem, not me lol.
My advice? Have as little to do with her as possible and count down the days until she p1sses off.
Even bioparents go through
Even bioparents go through periods where they may not like their own child very much.
I heard "I love you but I don't like you very much right now" a few times in my brain fart rich teen boy years.
You have nothing to feel guilty about regarding how you think of your SD-14.