You poor thing! Holy moses. You're like Winnie the Pooh with the little black rain cloud. Where is Fearless, BioMom? Quick, ladies, say something funny and make Ms.NiceGuy laugh, she could use it!!

Frankly, your BF needs a lot more education on what it means to have a significant other in his life, when he is a divorced dad. Perhaps this might be one of those events where early in a relationship (I think a year is still pretty early, I know people will disagree, but just my humble opinion), and where you are not married, it makes sense for you to hold back on going. But BF should be pleased that you care enough about him to offer, not upset!! That's an unhealthy response, and a signal re: what you need to work on together if you plan to make your relationship more permanent, before you make it more permanent.

Honestly, it sounds like it's too early in his emotional separation from the old family for him to give proper respect to a new relationship. He's keeping them and you entirely separate in his head, and that's a problem. My now-DH was exactly the same way the first couple of years, only I refused to see the signs. My determination to "do it right" as by the kids contributed to the problem, b/c I'd never been in that situation before either, so I didn't know where to draw the lines.

As for never getting a break, I *totally* hear you. You just have to laugh or you'll cry. It will turn around though, it always does. (If you want tips on managing IBS w/out medication, let me know. 15 year survivor, no medication. I'll shoot you a private email.)

De inimico non loquaris sed cogities.
I don't have IBS, but I do have Crohns disease, which is very similiar to IBS, but unfortunatly alot worse. Believe me when I say you have got to find an outlet to the stress. Make up your mind to just back off for right now, when it comes to bf and his kids. The stress that you allow in only compounds the IBS, and in fact can make it so much worse. It is believable that you had an episode the night of the concert with the stress you were under the whole day. There are also alot of different things I do to manage my disease, and I would be happy to share if you would like. The IBS is controllable, but you are the only one who can control it..have to take care of yourself sweetie.

De inimico non loquaris sed cogities.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to try and eliminate stress as much as possible. Meditation, exercise, and counceling are a good start. Unfortunatly anxiety is a big player in IBS, try to eliminate all alcohol, caffine,(soda's, coffee, tea) and unfortunatly even chocolate. You need to watch closely what you are eating as foods high in fat(fried foods) will cause definate gastric upset.Milk products also have a high incidence in causing flair ups. You can add more fiber to your diet, veggies ect, but do it in moderation as too much at one time can cause severe gas pains.Think about adding a fiber drink or pill to your diet. Overall, if you can get on any kind of medical assistance this would be to your benefit as a doctor would likely prescribe a antianxiety or antidepressant, as these have shown to help abdominal discomfort and slow diarreha and help with alternating constipation and gas. There are also other wonderful new medications for the treatment of IBS. So check into your local health department ect. for some assistance. As for your other issues, believe me it is all livable and you are not cursed. My ex has chosen to not maintain a relationship with our children as well, doesnt pay support, my job sucks too, and to top it all off what income dh and I have set aside over the past three years is being quickly consumed by the attorney we have hired to take dh ex back to court. The only thing that APPEARS cursed about your life(as your life appears to have similar struggles to everyone elses) is that your b.f has a really lousey attitude, and some obvious road rage....Its all well and good that he can tell you in honesty that he doesnt feel like he can " do this anymore", but what about the things YOU are dealing with. Does b.f have no sympathy or empathy in that he cannot recognize that you are having to deal with HIS ex issues and a medical problem as well. Was his life going so well before you came along??If so why is he divorced? And what exactly is it b.f cant deal with? That he has a g.f. who loves him, works hard for him and family( without the assistance of her own ex!), attempts to create moments of FUN together, wants to be apart of not only his life but his childrens? To put the responsibility of his happiness on you is wrong to begin with,WE ARE ALL RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN HAPPINESS! Can you honestly tell me why you are so bothered that you looked like a jerk and party pooper? Honestly, it seems to me that your party was pooped on before it even got started by b.f and his attitude. As for your own personal happiness, look inward instead of outward...you obviously have two beautiful children that you love very much,( and that makes you a very rich woman) you have a job..yes it sucks and you get paid "peanuts", but you have a job none the less, and maybe you can put some time aside somewhere to look for something new.I am hoping other than the IBS, you are a healthy woman and that counts for alot.The fun we have in life comes in different ways, if you are seeking the fun that only money can buy, your sure to have many disappointments. Make a board game night with b.f and kids...movie night at home...start a small garden, take long walks on tree lined trails, take up sketching, painting, ect. There is so much joy out there, we must only look inside to find it.

I feel the same way. It seems that no matter what you do, the world is right there waiting to take a crap on your day. Keep your chin up, it has to eventually get better, at least that's what I tell myself. BF needs to be able to have the gonads to bring you around the kids with BM there. You have every right to be there for them if you are going to be a part of their life.

De inimico non loquaris sed cogities.
And while I am sure you mean that figuritivly speaking, just for you to even summerize life that way makes me hurt for you. Let me share a little something with you sweetie. This might be long so sit back and get comfy ok? I was raised by a single mother, at 7 months of age my father( a captian) was killed in Vietnam..(my mothers only true love to this day)My mother had no clue how to raise a child alone(at 20 and in the early 70;s with just a high school diploma)..she remarried to another military man and had another child..my brother. After a 6 year stint in Germany, when we got back to the states, my dad(as he was the only one I had ever known) decided to leave the military and become a minister..My mother used her widows pension to put him through Theological School at Emory University in Atlanta. A year after getting his own church he ran off with another woman, leaving behind my brother who he never agian attempted to contact.Now mom honestly did the best she could with no help from anyone in raising us kids..but unfortunatly I became her sounding board, and her hitting board..(which I didnt mind if it protected my kid brother)I grew up watching mom sell off things to just help us make it through another day, we moved alot,sometimes in with different men who promised marraige and a NORMAL life to my mother. When those didnt work out we moved agian. I married at 17, in retrospect because I needed to get away from my marraige to my mother( as I felt more like the wife/mother in the home, then the daughter) and I married the first man to show me the attention and Love? that I never had growing up. At 17, I found myself pregnant with his family telling me to get an abortion as we were to young to have kids..( unfortunatly I did follow this advice as I was to terrified to let my mother know I was pregnant anyway) a decision I regret to this day. I became pregnant agian at 19 and had my beautiful little girl. My marraige was already showing signs of the forthcoming abuse, mentally and physically I would come to expect, but the thought of leaving never entered my mind( I was in it for keeps as I did not want to end up like my mother) At 20, when my little girl was 2, I was taken in for exploratory surgery, where the Crohns disease was found.(This after about 4 years of cronic pain and about 20 misdiagnosis)It was after the surgery that the Doctors told me they had no idea what caused Crohns or how to cure it, but they could treat it..the bad part..expect more surgeries in your life. So far I have had 5 surgeries and have had over 3 1/2 feet of intestines removed. I have been on steriods and any other med that Doctors would prescribe to try and control the disease, which often did nothing and left me in pain. I spent the better part of 19 years of marraige in and out of the hospital for blockages, flair ups ect. My ex, though sympathetic in the beginning grew tired of having to deal with my disease(which btw cost me entirely to many jobs). To my regret, my daughter took over where he left off..she became caretaker to her mother laid up in bed in pain, she drove me to the hospital her first time at 13( yes no license) because my ex refused to. During all of this I had my son..who even at 2 knew when mommy was in pain and would curl up in bed with me and rub my forehead. I regret the responsibility's that became my childrens over the years, but in the end they are both extremley strong people for it..Mind you, I worked and walked through the majority of pain to make sure my kids still made it to cheerleading practice and games..having their friends over for many, many spend the nights, church ect....I have always done what I could through my physical pain, and emotional pain( from abusive ex husband) to ensure my kids had as normal a life as possible. After 19 years of praying, crying and yes even cussing God for mine and my childrens lives as we were having to live them, my then 16 year old daughter came to me one night while I was crying over yet another very emotional and mentally abusive argument with my ex and told me " Mom, its time to leave." I cried my eyes out and said" I didnt know how we would make it on our own" to which my daughter and 6 year old son said that "We would, that she was old enough to get a part time job and son even said he could help mow yards." Now I knew I wasnt going to allow the burden of taking care of my children fall on my children, but to hear such beautiful words made me so strong for them and myself.The next day, after ex left to work, we packed our cloths and pictures( things we could not replace) and left...this was 4 days before my 19 wedding anniversary. I had a wonderful friend who was a single mother struggeling on her own with her 2 children that took us in ( a single wide trailer with 2 bedrooms) Of course ex lost it, as I took all his power away...I spent the next 6 months in and out of court battleing for custody of my son..had DFAC called on me at every turn, found out in the process that my ex had sexually tried things with both my children...(this was found out by DFACS interviewing my children) to which I thought I would go and kill my ex, then I internalized it feeling like a bad mother..how could I not know??? During all of this I met a man whose wife had recently had an affair on him with his best friend/next door neighbor. We started out as friends, then saw each other through the finalaties of our divorces...A kind, strong, educated and yes gorgeous man..of course we fell in love, and my kids fell in love with him as well. HERE IS MY POINT...FINALLY RIGHT?!! We are all wonderful today..broke, yes(but our bills are paid) struggeling,yes, tired, alot...but we are happy. We finally have peace and stability in our lives, we love and are finally loved. Today my daughter will be 19 in 2 weeks, she is a strong, willfull, opinionated woman, she is engaged to a wonderful young man who comes from a good family, she is in college, and working full time. My son is soon to be 11, and he is a social butterfly, has tons of friends, is outgoing an A/B student, into sports, and starting to notice girls...uuuhhhggggg... my mother and I are now best friends, we moved on,cried,forgave. The struggles continue, dh and I are having to take bm back to court...costing over 3,200 dollars so far.Not a bad thing,but my ex has nothing to do with our kids, though that is as much their decision as his...(they truly see dh as their dad) DH has already been through 1 surgery with me, and loves my scarred up belly as it says to him that I am alive and here with him.I now recieve infusions( remicade) for my Crohns which has put it into remission for the past two years...( couldnt do this before as we never had insurance in previous marraige, and the infusions cost 17,000 dollars for each one, I recieve one every 8 weeks) yes that is the honest
cost!!! My DH and I no longer have the 128,000 and 170,000 dollar homes we left..we live in an aparment....we no longer have the brand new vehicles that were in the driveways, or the boat, we have bicycles on our patio and 2 used cars. We no longer have all the credit cards, we deal with cash and our bank card...Life has change in every way...DH and I lost so much materially that we had worked so hard for, but it was all just stuff anyway...things that can be replaced. We know where we are financially right now is not where we will always be...(after both of our divorces were final, we moved out of state with DH job...a voluntary transfer, so we had to pay the costs of the move...this meant living in a hotel for about 2 months..) Each and every day is an improvement..but we come to relize that what we now have together is worth so much more than either one of us or our children had in life before..we are happy..no matter the circumstances, no matter the trials, we are doing them together and that is what is most important. Have you heard Rascal Flatts," The Broken Road"? that is DH and my song..says it all. It has taken me 39 years to get to where I am now in life and love..was it easy? hell no! Did I have fun getting here? hell no! But each road I chose to walk is the road that brought me to where I am now, and has MADE ME who I am now, and for that I am greatful, are there some things I wish I could go back and change? of course, but the reality is I cant and for that I am wiser, stronger, and see life for what I can take from it rather than what I think I should just get out of it.Is your relationship with B.F./DH worth working for? Only you know. Does it suck to have medical problems? yes, but there are others dealing with so much worse. Does your financial status put stress on you? yes, but sometimes we have to forfiet the fun money can buy to pay for our previous financial responsibilities and mistakes, which we always have the ability to change that in time..which by the way we should always be greatful for, time that is.Is puttin up with the drama that the ex,s cause worth the struggles emotionally and financially in your life? I dont know about any one else here, but bm drama is about her..her misery, her feeling of injustice in life, her bitterness, her anger, her jealousy, her immaturity, her lack of control in her own life and most of all her inability to have gained any wisdom from anything that has ever happened in her life. I refuse to waste all I have learned, the love that I have found,(trying or not at times) to another person who in all reality only has power over me, my marraige, my home only IF I allow it. Life is soooooo worth living, struggles and all. And if I can only give you one piece of advice that I hope you take to heart, find your joy, dont wait for it to find you...Its in our childrens smiles, their laughter, their tears, thier successes and failures, its in the moments that your b.f or dh holds your hand, comes up from behind and puts his arms around you, tells you about his day,opens his heart and his pain up to you, its in the family that loves us, calls us , shares with us, its in the friends that care about us, its in the quite moments alone with your own thoughts, in the breeze that hits our faces in the sunshine, in the rain that falls on our heads, its in the people that we bring a smile to if only for a moment, its everywhere, everyday, if only we choose to see it.

De inimico non loquaris sed cogities.
My thoughts are with you too Lady.