I am angry at my fiancé
SO my step daughter turns 9 tomorrow. My fiancé and i have been together for a little more than a year. I have been involved and pretty much picked out all presents with for her…coordinated with my fiancés parents etc for holidays. Today my fiancé got her a present for her birthday, and chose not to sign my name on it…and argued when I asked that she open it with me there too. I am really upset. I feel like its sending a clear message that I am not included and I just don't understand. I have been involved in the gifts from the beginning. I feel really left out and I know that my step daughter is smart enough to see that I am being left out. As it is her mother already brainwashes her against me. Today she came to the door and I said hi to her (because I was raised to be nice to people) and she stared at me and FLAT OUT didn't respond. RUDE. Needless to say I think she has a screw loose. I just don't know if I am over reacting or not. Am I?
Really?!?! I would return any
:jawdrop: Really?!?! I would return any gifts I got her for her rude and snotty behaviour! I'd also tell DH where to go and how to get there! That or keep the presents and only sign your name to the ones you got for her! What an ass!
I did tell him where to go
I did tell him where to go lol. Definitely. I'm not one to keep my mouth shut. He knew he was in trouble. And my SD thought it was hilarious…she wants to know "Why is daddy always getting in trouble?"….because he is a dense idiot maybe?
We live together. I know she
We live together. I know she is coming to see her dad…but some of the time she asks to go do stuff with me alone. Yesterday she requested that we go to dinner for her birthday with my mom and my sister too. She likes being with my family (I am sure mostly bc they spoil the CRAP out of her). I just know that her mother is feeding her nasty information about me and it obviously upsets me. I don't want to drive myself crazy worrying about someone else's kid, but at the same time I want her to feel we are a family and everyone belongs…especially when my fiancé and i start having kids.
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Oh I did. I definitely did.
Oh I did. I definitely did. He said that it wasn't on purpose. He wasn't paying attention etc. etc. which is a distinct possibility…but I that is not an excuse so far as I am concerned. He did make it clear to his daughter that it was also from me after I almost killed him…but still. He needs to pay better attention. My SD also got me earrings out of the money he gave her, so I know that she knows that I wasn't forgetting her birthday, but he still needs to be more considerate.
I have to wonder - did he ask
I have to wonder - did he ask you to buy her gifts, or did you take it upon yourself? And who was it who was rude? (I read it as Mom, where someone else read it as the kid - the difference matters.)
He asks me to handle
He asks me to handle gifts…for everyone in his family…his mom, dad, sisters, etc. And I like doing it…I love picking out gifts for anyone. He just decided to give her cash and a card this year because we like to go antiquing and to flea markets and my SD likes to buy little things…so she would have money to pick stuff out herself. It was the mother who was rude. And I was NOT pleased. She was standing in my doorway acting like that. Ridiculous. My fiancé just turned around and rolled his eyes and grinned at he…he thinks she is certifiable too.
Ok well that's different
Ok well that's different then, if it was the kid I would say he needs to deal with it. If it's "just" the mother - meh who gives a flying you know what. Don't speak to her, don't let it bother you, move on.
You and her do not need to have a relationship in any way shape or form. She drops the kid, if you want to - tell him to meet her at the gate so she is not even on your property.
But really? Just don't be at the door. IF you have to open the door to her, open it and say wait there I'll get SO." No pleasantries - they are not needed. Just business like and brief, walk away (with the screen still shut and LOCKED!)
" Today my fiancé got her a
" Today my fiancé got her a present for her birthday, and chose not to sign my name on it…and argued when I asked that she open it with me there too."
So DF went to store and selected his own gift for his daughter (meaning only also his money), didn't put your name on card and isn't having her open it with you around? Hmmmm, could be several reasons as you were pretty vague on details of the actual giving to child.
1)he purchased something he knew you would disapprove of
2)the gift is meant to be opened on her birthday...is she going to be at BM's house for Mother's Day and perhaps a birthday cake?
Could be other reasons (flat out ask him instead of just being hurt and confused. It's a change in what usually gift giving consist of (you being in on it) so it's natural to inquire why. If it is perhaps #2 above you should ask why the gift giving and who it is this time only from is different this time. Could be BM might toss a hissy and ruin the gift for daughter by Dad by being an a^^hole and or belittling the gift or something uncalled for. BMs sometimes get all goofy when it comes to the smallest things or wild thoughts of a SM trying to compete.
No, you're no overreacting because DF has shut you out of this birthday with no explanation. You deserve to know the 'whys'.
Maybe. I know that my parents
Maybe. I know that my parents got the kids gifts and put my name on them with theirs (on their own). OK. But I would get gifts for them myself, from me. And no, my parents names would not be there. They could be as hurt as they wanted - I ddnt ask them to do as they did, nor did I ask them to contribute to my gifts.
It was a card and cash so my
It was a card and cash so my SD can pick stuff out for herself. SHe has everything known to man so getting her gifts has kind of become meaningless. She likes to pick stuff out herself so my fiancé decided on cash. Which he discussed with me first, and which is fine with me. My fiancé gave it to her when they had a few hrs of daddy daughter time yesterday. I know that BM does make nasty comments about what we get her. Always…sometimes she won't even allow the gift in her house…it depends on what the gift is exactly. She's not the nicest most sane person I don't think. My fiancé claims he was rushing and just forgot to sign the name. I did send him out of the house a half hr before he was supposed to pick her up to get the card. I've had been telling him to do it for days. So he was in a rush. But it is NO excuse.
Men are pretty dense when it
Men are pretty dense when it comes to things like this. But I'm not saying to forget about it either. I am thinking that he wants to make sure that the girl understands that Daddy and Daddy alone is truly thinking of her. He hasn't forgotten her on her special day. If she gets a gift from Daddy and kmigs26 that's fine also but he wants her to know that Daddy thought of her all by himself and got something special.
As for the kid of course she dislikes you, you two are not blood, you seem to be replacing Mommy in Daddy's eyes (and bed I'm assuming) and just not someone who needs to be around. As you suspect Mommy is probably prompting her as well. Wait until you get married. It's going to get far far worse just read around this site for awhile.
My advise to any woman without children is don't marry someone with children. It will bring in to a relationship another woman and child that no relationship needs and only on very very rare occasions does it work out well. Already the signs are being exhibited that this is not one of them.
A engagement is to give time for both parties to be sure this is what they want and its time to tell him that you've made a mistake and it'll be better for both of you if you part ways. I know you've invested a lot of time and effort in this but its not working. Far better to start over with a childless man than it is to try and make a unworkable situation work. It won't and you could spend decades trying. Don't do that to yourself.
I dunno, I don't think I'd be
I dunno, I don't think I'd be terribly upset about this one. Not ALL gifts have to be from both of you. (It seems like you said there were other gifts that you picked out that were from both of you?) As long as he wasn't taking sole credit for something you picked out (and cash doesn't fit that bill!) then I wouldn't bat an eye at it.
As for BM, ignore her.
There are BMs that do a LOT worse than just not say hi back! You might be better off the less she says.... 