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how should we handle this? sd11 losing friends

startingover2010's picture

2 weeks ago, sd11 had made plans to go camping this week with 'friends'. bf had confirmed this plan with the mother of this said friend. sd11 was already packed today, as they were to leave tomorrow morning. we have been calling the friends mom for days to see what time exactly they were leaving. after many attempts, today we finaly get a hold of the mom, who told me that she had to think about it cause there were some inappropriate convos between the girls.

sd11 told them when she grew up she was going to be a stripper, and that she has been to the beach recently with some 15yr old guy, and that she is texting some guy a few years older than her asking him his age and whatnot. she also said that she never confirmed sd11 was going, she claims she told bf she would 'think about it'.

anyways, sd11 admitted to saying the stripper part but denies the beach part and texting. i had asked the mom why she didnt call us about this and she said she was 'busy'. yeah right. anyways i told her the girls were no longer to be friends because sd11 was devestated and they should have been adults and told us what was going on, not ignore us.

sd11's grandma thinks that we need to do something extra extra fun with sd11 to make up for her losing her camping trip and friends. she said we need to give her extra attention to make her feel better. the way i see it, sd11 pretty much brought this on herself. what 11yr old says they will be a stripper and thinks that its ok and no big deal? joking or not,that IS inappropriate, and if MY bd3's friends said that to her at that age, guess what, no more friendship.

i dont want to make sd11 feel like she is entitled to a funfilled day just because her plans failed due to her BIG ASS MOUTH. problem is, old hag is on our ass about this. what do we do?

ChaiLatte's picture

I don’t think what grandma wants should matter. How does DH think his daughters comments should be handled? Is he disappointed in her or one of those dads that just gets emotional and is down in the dumps over his daughter losing a friend? I agree that the daughter brought this on herself and should learn there are consequences for what comes out of her mouth. She should not be rewarded for being inappropriate. If you reward her, she will take nothing away from this experience and continue behaving this way.