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How do I deal with my adult stepson's pranks?

SallyT's picture

Now he is playing games with me. It's been only 2 weeks since we moved in and I noticed the following - a caricature of me on the white board mocking me, an expensive delivery package under my name that supposedly got stolen, a suitcase with my clothes that has disappeared and a glass in my name that has disappeared. Now he is 24, barely has a job and plays music all day, leaves dishes in the sink and I have no proof of him playing any of these pranks. At our wedding he was caught on camera damaging the hall's grandfather clock for which my husband ended up paying 8k in damages the night of our wedding. I am pregnant and this whole thing is making me anxious. Any thoughts on how to deal with this? I am seriously considering installing cameras in the house

Aniki's picture

Why is a 24yo hoodlum still living at home? What does your husband say about his nasty son?

I suggest you install nanny cams EVERYWHERE. 

SallyT's picture

I will do it! My dh thinks it's an exaggeration but i'm done. He didn't know i was home and tried to go into our bedroom just now. Good thing the door is locked

MissTexas's picture

The behaviors you're describing are not age appropriate.

The no job, not doing anything all day isn't a shocker, as many in this age bracket are "on the same couch" with regard to not launching.

Seriously, he sounds like he needs a medical evaluation.

What does his father say or do? Nothing?

SallyT's picture

him and his 2 bros grew up privileged. My husband is a stockbroker and he hired him as an assistant but he literally shows up for 4 hours a day and plays music all day cos he aspires to be a DJ. His dad is trying to help him but has given him a fair warning that if he disrespects me he is out which is why he is playing all these pranks now

momjeans's picture

Forgive my ignorance, but does this vapid do nothing moron still reside at home? If so, kick his a** to the curb ASAP. He’s a liability.

And I agree, cams everywhere. 

SallyT's picture

living at home and paying zero rent lol. Im just hoping that when my baby arrives he kicks himself out with dignity

momjeans's picture

Oh wow. You’re a saint. I feel for you. I also worry for your emotional wellbeing and physical safety. He sounds like a loon. 

SallyT's picture

My heart is pounding so fast and I have locked myself up in the room and am just so agitated. Him and his bros tried to bully me before so I refuse to be a victim. Just need to gather some strength. Thank you so much for the responses. It tears me up to know I'm not crazy

momjeans's picture

You’re being the bigger and better proactive person, so you’re doing great. Just know that we’re here for you! 

Lollybobs's picture

You're not crazy and they're not pranks. This is potentially dangerous behaviour. Is your husband listening to your concerns? Either way, nanny cams are a must. If you need to go to the police, do it.

Aunt Agatha's picture

Congratulations on your soon to be little one! 

Please do not hesitate to call the cops if this idiot threatens you in any way.  Seriously, this is not how sane people behave!

May I question your husbands sanity?  His kid did $8k damage to a grandfather clock?  That delinquent should have been kicked to the curb then and there. Why did he pay?  His son should have!

please consider your and your soon to be baby's safety as first priority. Do what keeps you safe!

 

 

SallyT's picture

When the clock thing happened I actually demanded the son pays in installments and so did my husband but of course he could not consistently demand the payments. The bottomline is for the longest time my dh was feeling guilty cos the boys lost their mom 5 years ago. He now sees that they have been emotionally blackmailing him because I am an "inconvenience"

futurobrillante99's picture

If the son works for his dad, he can take the payments for the clock out of his check. LOL

ExcellenceToolkit's picture

His father needs to kick him out! He doesn't need to be  living there. Get him on welfare and subsidized housing 

SallyT's picture

In a fit his older bro left the house 2 months ago and rented a big place and asked him to move with him but of course my extremely responsible 24 year old stepson didn't see the need to pay rent and was perfectly happy continuing his bumming episodes in the house we're in. I think once my baby is born I will gather the strength to say we're done. 

Cover1W's picture

No - you need to do it NOW.  Why in the world would you wait until you are MORE exhausted and overwhelmed?

Cover1W's picture

The things you are describing are not pranks but malicious behavior and stealing.  Re-frame this.  And then have a discussion with your husband.  Put up the cams no matter what.  He's 24! Tell your husband you will call the police if needed and you must have a written and signed exit plan for the ADULT in your house who should not be there (i.e a written lease which also must contain eviction reasons and timeframe; protect yourself legally).  Likely either he goes or you will go.  Don't let them scare you or make you think it's just silly "kid stuff."

Exjuliemccoy's picture

These are not pranks. This adult male is making war with you, and it's completely unacceptable.

This entire set up sounds dysfunctional and intolerable. Where are your standards? You should not be forced to deal with such treatment, especialy since you're pregnant. One of you needs to leave immediately.

SteppedOut's picture

Agree with these ladies. These are NOT pranks. 

Where did you get that verbiage from? Please don't say your husband...

SallyT's picture

These are not pranks. I am falling in this trap myself and treating him like a teenager. I love my husband so much lol and am trying not to cause him hurt: he is a great and giving man who has been trying hard to unfortunately please everyone so everything's been a battle. He already kicked one son out cos he disrespected me but still feels responsible for this one. However having said that, I don't think this situation will last long and I'm gearing myself for an eviction because I deserve to be happy in my home 

futurobrillante99's picture

Exactly! What if he starts doing "pranks" on your new born infant?

Get him out of your house and change the locks before his "pranks" lead to "accidentally" harming you or your child.

SallyT's picture

If my husband doesn't become more proactive this would sabotage our relationship. 

ndc's picture

First off, stop referring to his criminal behavior as "pranks."  A prank is a mischievous act.  What your husband's son is doing is either cruel, deliberate destruction of property and/or stealing.   None of those is what I would view as a practical joke or mischievous act.   Why in the world did your husband pay for a clock he destroyed at your wedding with no consequence to his son?  That is ridiculous, enabling behavior.

Second, put up the cameras.  I think your husband knows the extent of what his son is doing but doesn't want to admit it.  When it's in black and white in front of him, either he'll have to address it or you'll realize he knew it all along and didn't care enough to do something about it.  

Something you said is odd.  You said your husband told him if he disrespects you he's out, and that's why he's playing the pranks.  So he WANTS to be out?  Or does he want to prove to you that daddy will choose him over you?  It's confusing.  Of course, this type of behavior by a 24 year old is confusing and concerning.

In any event, you are going to be anxious and your marriage is going to suffer until this jerk is out of your home.  At some point (hopefully when you have clear and convincing evidence, ala the grandfather clock damage, of what the little ass is doing), you'll need to have a come to Jesus with your husband and insist that his son be evicted.

SallyT's picture

The pranks part is more of the son doing things behind our back to annoy me cos he knows I have no proof that he took my glass or possibly threw my package. The grandfather clock uuuugh that was so awful. I kept footage of it as a reminder to myself of what he and his bros are capable of. I've been listening to ppl telling me to be patient and to understand that they miss their deceased mother for a long time. This is actually the first time my safety concerns are voiced by others and validated without me having to say much. I can't wait until those cams are installed and when the baby is here I will see what happens. There is still this tiny part of me that hopes my baby girl will be loved and cherished by her older brothers Sad

futurobrillante99's picture

There are a lot of people walking the earth of all ages who have lost a mother and they DO NOT steal or act maliciously towards others. Nor do they destroy property.

Losing a mother is NOT a valid reason for his behavior.

Cover1W's picture

"The pranks part is more of the son doing things behind our back to annoy me cos he knows I have no proof that he took my glass or possibly threw my package."

Again - not pranks.  Malicious behavior and stealing.

Ispofacto's picture

You shouldn't need cameras.  Given the history, your husband should believe you.  You know what?  Even without the history, he should believe you.  You are his WIFE.

 

atsecondplace's picture

I really don't want to stress you out further with a new baby on the way but I feel I've got to say this. SS sounds unstable as hell. Get him out of the house before your defenseless baby arrives. All the nanny cams in the world wouldn't be able to undo the harm of a "prank". It'll just provide evidence. Cold comfort after he's harmed your baby

shamds's picture

because we want to buy a home together in my country where our 2 kids are going to school. I told hubby I wasn’t gonna subsidise his kids for being lazy and entitled and when was he going to launch them??

eldest sd 23.5 after months no contact called hubby because her mum wanted to know if the home hubby bought after their divorce which both sd’s live in rent free, all they pay are the minor electric and water bills and the groceries was in their mums name as hubby made an agreement (verbal) that it was for her and her kids to live in. Hubby bought it so his 3 kids could live in it rent free and had privacy, the loan is in his name as hubby bought it but exwife thinks its hers and eldest sd23.5, do they want to contribute to the loan? Of course not!!

i want me and hubby to get our own place together so at least I feel easier saying adult skids will not live in the home or be spies for their mum, ss himself is a slob and disgusting and hubby just cowtows to their bullshite... Basically skids and exwife want exclusive things for themselves without having to do anything for it...

entitlement and stupidity sucks!! I would be livid at my stuff being taken by skid but you need proof (nanny cam the shit out of your house)

futurobrillante99's picture

wrong thread!

strugglingSM's picture

Your SS is well into adulthood and as others have pointed out, his behavior is neither age-appropriate nor harmless. 

As others have also pointed out, you will soon have a baby, who will not be able to move him/herself out of harm's way nor able to tell you if SS has hurt them or put them in harm's way for several years. 

Your DH needs to decide if he is interested in enabling his adult child or protecting his newborn. If he prefers to enable his adult son, then you and your newborn should move out. There are no other options for your DH at this point, since he's proven that he cannot manage his adult son and set boundaries to protect the rest of his family.

RAJ C's picture

You don't deal with your adult stepson's crimes, either your DH does or the police does. If "an expensive delivery package under my name that supposedly got stolen" then report to police, if  "a suitcase with my clothes that has disappeared" report it to the police...

Install nanny cams for your own protection and to have evidence next time

Penny19's picture

Your situation reminds me of some of what I've gone through. My stepson was not happy with my and my DH's relationship. He removed our wedding pic from my DH's wallet. His knuckle prints are still in the bedroom door where he punched it. We had to keep everything locked as he would ransack and steal from us. He would unlock the windows so he could get in when we were at work. So...we had to check every window in the house anytime we planned to leave. I could go on for hours.  Nanny cams weren't a 'thing' then, unfortunately. But, hey, now they can be put anywhere. Get proof of these so-called 'pranks' and get them on a flash drive. My fear for you is this guy's behavior escalating. 

Rags's picture

He has a history of this kind of crap and it has cost you $8K so far not counting the stolen package, clothing and other stuff.

You have a criminal 24yo in your home why?

Time to get some still pics from the clock vandilizing incident and put them up in the home and still pics from all of the security cams in  your home when SS-24 pulls his shit. See how he and daddy like seeing "caricatures" of the POS criminal 24yo all over the home. If you continue to tolerate his presence in your marital home. Which I recommend that you not do.

Ring door bell/camera on all exterior doors. Full security cam coverage inside your home, rekey the locks and let DH know of the list of crap that has happened and that his adult son is no longer part of YOUR household.  He only is in the home when invited and then only under sill web cam coverage. PERIOD!

Let DH know that if he so much as pauses when you tell him the new normal regarding his adult child he is out too,  and on the hook for 18 years of CS plus full meal deal college for your joint minor child.