I'm on the other end of the spectrum. I have a son who is 5 and always has to be moving and getting into things. We took a trip last weekend with SOs family. His family has been wonderful to my 3 boys. She calls them al her grand kids and is lovely about it. My family treats his kids the same way. But my 5 year old could not listen, sit still, or be good the whole time. I felt terrible and I'm a disciplinarian by nature but I haven't figured this kid out yet. LOL (I'm surprised SO hasn't jointed ST.org). But they didn't bat an eye and they were super nice to him. Maybe time with your family she will be on good behavior to impress? Maybe DH could have a talk with her? Just offering up some solutions.

Don't take her then. I cancel trips when my SO organises to have SS12 on the weekends I had anything planned. I cancel or go by myself. I am not taking that kid anywhere until he learns to behave. It's well within your rights to do that.

Tree huggers will tell you to set aside your own feelings or politics to save a tree, but my similar experiences turned into that tree scene from the Poltergeist. Yes, it will be all about her and it will suck. Everyone will feel sorry for her. Everyone will dote on her. Let her mother, father, and their families do that. The worst will be when your own family will cross-examine you in comparison and question your choices, your authority, your relationships. It's natural; they're passionately curious about what they don't understand like politics. But it will hurt your own relationship with your family. DHs in these matters are clueless since most men experience euphoria over multiple females doting on them. Whatever it takes, I agree with the above posters: hug her then ...reschedule.

Knowing what I know about your DH, he will also want to see her on her birthday and every weekend before and after it, including that weekend. While I understand he loves his daughter and wants to spend a lot of time with her, it has always seemed to me that he is always taking every opportunity, even when it should be your special time alone, to bring her in.

Have you talked to him yet about a need for clear times for alone time versus "family time" with SD?

Follow you gut. I hate having my SS over to visit my family's house. All he wants to do is snoop through people's bedrooms, leaves his trash everywhere, and isolates and corners my mother for attention. It isnt nearly as fun than when its just me and my man. When SS complains about not visiting my family I tell FDH that SS just wants to snoop and wants attention.
I also refuse to go on vacations with my SS, no way can I stay in the car with him that long nor do I want to stay in a hotel room with him. Thats just creepy.
Can you reschedule for a time when you dont have SD?

Ok I totally understand your dilemma, as I was presented with the same thing. Know what I did? I told DH he was more than welcome to come visit my family on MY vacation time, but since Stepdevil14 was so nasty with us, I would not be wasting my time with MY family having her join us.

I said that I was sorry that she didn't want to be an active part of our lives, she treated us like shit and she lied multiple times about us to her therapist, mom and grandparents - there was NO way I was sitting on a plane with her for 3+ hrs, driving in my rental car to and from my family and friend's homes with her pouting and being a brat the entire time.

I said you have two options being as how ALL of your family live in the same town as you and mine are 1300 miles away: You can come with me and leave stepdevil14 with her mother or another family member while we're gone or you can stay here while I go visit my relatives. Period. Dot.