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On the fence on misinformation.

Rags's picture

My DW has a younger cousin.  A very beautiful young woman, three all oowl kids by two baby daddies.  Daddy #2 left her a year ago wham their youngest of 2 was about 2yo.  #1 is by a different baby daddy.

This young woman is very all about being an empowered mommy victimized by men.  She is also the niece of DW's unicorn cousin who passed after a long battle with cancer about 2yrs ago.

The crux of my issue is that she is exceptionally heavy and a master at photo shop and contouring makeup techniques.  She gets dates on dating apps then when she shows up for the date and does not appear as marketed, the men do not enagage for a second date.  She then goes all butt hurt sobbing men are evil sympathy trolling anywhere she can get hooks into the "but you're so beautiful, those guys suck," crowd.  No one ever tells  her the truth. 

She is lying to these guys before she ever actually meets them and expects them to continue to see hers as she photoshopped herself to be.

To me the sad thing is she is smart.  She was on her way to a BSN and decided she wanted to go the sugar baby/daddy route, got a dental assistant AS, and keeps thinking that labor types are her sugar daddy candidates after not being able to hook a dentist.

I struggle with her victimizing guys  that can't possibly meet her sugar daddy expectations and I struggle worse with her victimizing her own children.  While cintto market herself as someone she isn't.

DW is ultra quiet about it all.  As a former single teen mom who has made a career, life, and solid marriage she is both irritated by this young woman and trying to be emotionally supportive. I have to tread lightly in related discussions.



Rumplestiltskin's picture

You are in the position of a lot of stepparents on here. You see the slow-motion trainwreck that nobody else seems to see (or will admit to seeing), but if you soeak the truth you will be looked at as the bad guy. Nothing you can do and at least she isn't your stepdaughter. 

Rags's picture

If she were mine in any capacity, I would not stay quiet about her crap.

Fortunately, she isn't mine in any way, shape, or form.

Harry's picture

A lot I here.  People were burnet before by 10 yo pictures at 100 lbs. person  To find in reality of a 200 lb 10 years older person.  
'Yes they feel deceived,, If a person is deceiving you early on the relationship,  It's not a person you want to be connected with. 

Rags's picture

Definately not my monkey or circus. But... that branch of my DW's clan (her biodad's element) swarm around this person expressing devotionals on her beauty, amazingness, how sucky men are, etc.......

I bite my tongue with the broad family. But... DW knows when I drop an occassional "Holy, shit, here she goes again." what I am talking about.

This branch of DW's family has some mythic meaning as her biodad was killed in a vehicle accident a few days before my MIL found out she was pregnant with my DW.  MIL ascribes a holy state to her first DH, so does DW.  Sadly the family is extremely broken.  Generations of substance abuse, etc, etc, etc.....

ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

Yes I'd agree and masking the real problems by pinning it on how "sucky men are" - it's YOU my darling, you are the problem. That's what you want to say but yeah...not your circus Rags. 

ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

Yes Rumple* said it best- you're watching a slow train wreck and there's not much you can do about it. I really dislike when people make it look like they are someone who they are not. It's frustrating. There's a lesson in this for your wife's younger cousin...hope she figure it out. 

Catmom024's picture

Oh that's unfortunate.  Lol...maybe that should be your mantra when the subject of her unfortunate life comes up.  Just say "oh, hmmm... that's unfortunate...".  It covers things both ways.

CLove's picture

Yeah, well we have a LOT of that here in California, where its all about the filters and high angles.

Toxic Troll BM, several single women I know, as well as another friend who lies about her age. And then meets and shacks up with a guy who ALSO lies about HIS age.

Thank goodness Im not dating at this time. I do NOT EVER lie about my age (55 loud and proud) and my stats (5'5", such and such lbs) I dont even know how to apply filters. Who wants to deal with rejection? My friend sais that she figures that after connecting and textign and phone calling, they will care about her enough to not care about her age fibbing.

Rubbish. If you are honest about how you look, then you will have authentic people in your life, period.

BanksiaRose's picture

I have a friend (more like an acquaintance) that I have known since childhood, and can't seem to get rid of despite keeping contact to the minimum and living on the opposite sides of the world. 

She's a professional victim of everything: bad genes make her put on weight from eating only salad leaves, men are awful to her and that's why she's a serial cheater (her poor husband has been supporting her and her spawn, her mother and multiple cats + a giant mortgage for over a decade, while she keeps accidentally giving birth to more kids) every psychologist and psychiatrist she's ever met are evil and incompetent, and the only people that can help her are only social media influencers that charge a ton to give you recipes for dodgy "cleansing" diets and provide some weird hypnosis sessions. 
I have been tempted to tell her who the common denominator in these troubles is many times, but had to bite my tongue. Perhaps I will one day, once I become convinced that it'll prevent her from coming back like an evil penny.

advice.only2's picture

I’m sure the men who show up for the dates don’t live up to the 10-year-old photo they posted on their profile either.  The photo where they still had all their hair, teeth and weren’t sporting a spare tire you can ride to Cleveland on.

Rags's picture

No doubt. Though she and her two baby daddy's are no older than their mid 20s right now.  The first one was a slim nice looking kid, she was exceptionally beautiful when they coupled.  #2 was a fit for her post baby physique. Both of them are pretty heavy.   

I have no idea what her online dating targets look like. Only that they are not yet interested in second dates with her.   They very well may be crying about her misrepresentation as much as she is crying about them not calling her back for a second date.