hello step talk but its been awhile since I posted.please excuse any misspellings I am using voice to text while driving so I'm not typing and driving. this seems to be the only moment of clarity I have anymore. first off reading all the comments from before help a little bit with my wife in mcfatty and cry baby. Step song 13 and 11. good news since I've posted last is I got full custody of my 3 year old and his mom gets two hours supervised every week. The thing I am so frustrated about is it seems like for the past two and a half years with my wife all of my stuff has been put off from Dr bills to child support to pay my lawyer to see my other two children in Indianapolis and I am going through bankruptcy. Even fixing my truck has been put off to the point of its going to cost more to fix now that's what it's worth. When I left her lamp fall I basically got cornered by her and our pastor when we were supposed to get counseling about how I was. Biblically be a man and take care of my family and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. So we talked we moved in with my mother in law to buy a house. Well since my father in law is a real estate agent and my wife wanted to make your mom happy we follow the advice of one of her mortgage brokers. I kept trying to tell them the look I have bought two houses something is not right here. Long story short we ended up buying a single wide mobile home brand new instead of my house because of this guy's advice do to paint the wrong things off on her credit. Because we put all of my pills off and Dr bills. I even had to switch rheumatologist because I am I won $300 because I never paid the copays because we were always paying for her kids and her stuff. Her car that she pays $500 a month for blew the transmission in it because she didn't call a tow truck. She had to take out a $4000 loan and the only reason I did great boys because we use that to take my 3 year old to drop him off and pick him up from his green. And to drive our family around. Well the problem is I could do all of that in my truck but due to the cost of gas and all of the repairs it needs now due to the lack of maintenance in her controlling the budget it's impossible. dial get down to daycare I had to eat here we're down for a three year old she found a lady at her work to do it very cheap and then now try to throw it in my face that she takes him to daycare every day. I was like what I had it set up I could afford it if we were going off of my money for find cell but instead I am trying to raise a wife and two kids that are not mine and putting all of my paychecks into our family budget. of course she gets mad and upset. our new place doesn't even feel like a home to me stepson 13 has already mark up his door tore up the trip of his little brothers room and stain the carpet. Their bathroom is so disgusting I make my 3 year old use the toilet.I even went as far as to let her add me to her health insurance and still can not afford the co pays. I missed a doctors appointment yesterday to get a referral to a cardiologist because of severe chest pains and pain in my life heart. I had a mild heart attack about 3 years ago so yes I know what they feel like and it scares me. I'm not trying to make her sound like the bad guy in any way but I have just hit a point that I am confused and I don't know what to do because it turns into a huge argument anytime I try to bring up my palate feeling I get twisted and turned around I mean our whole house is decorated all herself she's had since she was a teenager got one. My two children in Indianapolis came up for a week to my parents house. I had not seen them in over two years. Due to a nasty divorce while I was in the Army and my ex wife getting pregnant.fast forward to my birthday which was the 20th of June and Father's Day not one present or card from my wife or my step kids oh wait a minute she got me a shirt and a set of CDs I was already going out by myself and gave it to me a week before that. But my to bio kids who are also 11 and 13 got me a card called me and everything. I'm not trying to sound like my kids are better than hers but I was with my children every day until I went to the army every both of my children are straight a students my 13 year old son carries a four-point know is we all star into soccer teams and basketball. My daughter is going to art and carries a and b. now that they have gone back to their moms I'm sitting here just thinking about everything and just kind of dumbfounded as to why I even tried to make this work again. I keep getting cut off the negated.I am always the bad guy with my step son because my wife says she works and she tired when she gets home and you know what we both are I go to bed at 11 and I'm up at 4 30 every morning because she gets upset if I go to bed at 830 9 o'clock at night and I have a very physical job. On top of having rheumatoid arthritis sincerely in my ankles wrist and fingers. I am always the one getting on the boys about chores not done back talk in their mom not listening. Not the old is very creepy like when he interacts with my 3 year old kind of Chester molester style. This boy was molested repeatedly by his bio dad who is now in jail again for failing to report as a sex offender.i am getting suedby a bank because of him doing credit card fraud and debit card fraud and jacking my account number over $300. He went through six months on probation and mommy and Grandma talked a good game when he would go in and see his probation officer. I have watched these two boys manipulate lie steal and yet stuck around trying to be a father figure and I keep feel like I keep getting kicked in the gut. it is to the point that I do not like even coming home from work and the only highlight of my day is seeing my 3 year old son. whose mom is now clean sober and living with her parents and I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt if she can stay sober and clean for longer than 6 months. Everyone makes mistakes and deserve the chance to make it right does not mean that I am NOT going to be guarded and watch her butI have come to realize that it is just a control thing for my wife and nothing more.I want to leave and get a divorce so bad but I have this huge guilt that we bought this place and now she'll have her car payment in the rent and the mortgage payment on the mobile home that I'm I don't want to do that to somebody but its getting to a point that I don't know what else to do. I was standing there cooking dinner like I do all the time because she does not cook unless you count boiling rice in opening a can of chow mein and she literally told her 13 year old son when he had an attitude that it did not matter if I was there they would still have his place. I stood right there just dumbfounded because it was all of my paychecks the last 8 months that paid off all of that not hers to bring the credit score up to buy this place.I'm sitting here almost to the job site and what just numb in severe physical pain because I can't even get into a Rheumatologist until the 6th of October because of my other bills. I am so sick of paying for s*** for her kids we spent almost $600 on glasses because those two together don't we are theirs and have broken their other peers and yet I can't get in to see the doctor myself by 3 year old went 6 months without a checkup at the pediatrician. I am just at a point that I am I don't know what to do. Everytime I try to have a heart to heart be serious calm discussion it turns into her crying accusing me of not loving her giving me the guilt trip of I'm the only dad these boys have ever known or anything like that. back to the first days her birthday we spent almost $600 between dinner and a hotel room. my 13 year old step sons birthday we spent $300. Bye bye old son I gave him $100 for a video game and he bought a brand new one and a used one. My birthday cost $40. I'm not trying to make us about the money but when it came to my son and my birthday I was literally told that we did not have the money. Wait a minute we had over a thousand dollars in the bank account. I'm starting to understand that as long as its her and her kids are taken care of then everything is fine. I think what I am going to do this weekend is find a date here that will allow me to pay cash around where we live and pay every two weeks. I am self employed as a carpenter so I going to draw either every two weeks or once a month. And then I think what I'm going to do is take all the bills in the house / 5 and then take that and two of them together in that will be what I owe for my son tonight and then she can pay the other three. And then buy my own groceries. Its either that or I literally tell her that I wanted to divorce and move because I cannot keep doing this. the funny part is which makes me really smile as I was a really bad alcoholic before I got hurt I got clean and sober and even with all of this dress I don't even wanna drink or nothing wife's awesome I take enjoyment out of going fishing with a coworker. My wife cannot understand why I let my 3 year old go to his grandparents every weekend. She hasn't figured out that the weekends he's not there I'm gone almost all day Saturday fishing.there is so much more but that is the gist of it. I am sorry to jump around so much I just don't know what to do. I mean for crying out loud that 13 year old literally still pee sooo bad because he is too lazy to get up and go to the bathroom. It is not because he has a medical condition it is literally because he refuses to get out of bed. When we moved out of the mother in laws I brought my brother in law and in the bedroom because my wife kept saying it was my 3 year old mattress that smelled like pee. so my brother in law even did the sniff test and oh my god his jaw hit the floor when you realize that was his 13 year old nephew but that stunk that bad. Its so bad that my step son 13 had a friend over last weekend. They went fishing by step son broke the kids fishing pole and had a huge attitude with the kids the whole time. It was so freaking sweet to see my 13 year old kick the living s*** out of my two stepsons against him in soccer though I have to admit I'm one proud dad but my son is the way he is with his grades in sports because I was up his butt and so is his mother about how important it is to get an education and they get good grades and I used to take him and my daughter to the job site with me all the time and the summer and teach them what the value of hard work is. instead my wife who wanted to come to my sons doctors appointment yesterday gets up late but to other boys get up late miss goes to the wrong doctors office and then stops and gets the boys McDonalds because they were too lazy to make breakfast real quick. but I'm struggling every day to find gas to work. I'm so sorry this thing is so scatterbrained but I am just at a loss like I literally think about how angry and frustrated I am almost all day and it blows my mind that I am staying here but I didn't I don't know why. I feel like everytime I try to talk to her everything gets twisted around and its my fault and it and I get a guilt trip and I just don't know what else to say or do. Even her family is surprised I've been with her this long and haven't left again. Honestly any advice would be appreciated constructive criticism anything I'm a dysfunctional veteran at heart so I can take constructive criticism.I know there is always two sides to a story and I am trying to be as blunt and honest as I can. I literally get up I go to work and I come home I don't even go fishing during the week I do everything with my wife and her two kids who literally I am to a point of cannot stand being around anymore and it sucks because I'm not like this I was a happy-go-lucky help anybody kind of person. I'm starting to realize my wife is one of these very judgemental angry nobody helps me but I help everybody kind of people when in reality I don't remember one time for going out of the way to help anybody. Even with my 3 year old she gets pissed if I go to do the showers or if I woke him up because he has severe eczema with his corn allergies yes he's allergic to corn trust me grocery shopping is a bitch.any constructive criticism and thoughts on this matter would be greatly appreciated I just don't know where to go or what to do anymore I'm just going through the daily motions of life with a fake smile and everything. Even her job has came and told her that she has a very b***** personality. and that is right from her boss. thank you guys for reading and taking the time to respond I hope to looking forward to hearing back