Lazy and manipulative
So I picked up a side job that will easily get Christmas paid for us. I framed the house and the homeowner hired me to do the roof. Now mind you I have been working 50 plus hours a week on two other projects our company has and we start a huge custom house tomorrow. My ss13 and ss14 always tell there wife(mom) that I treat them different and never take them to work like I do my bio son 14 or spend time with them. Well to be honest it turns my stomach most times when I do things with them because of hygiene and attitude problems. Well ss13 blew me totally away yesterday. As my bio son and I were roofing ss13 cleaned all the trash up from behind the house and brought it to the front of the house to a pile big enough to fill a 10 yard dumpster and cleaned up the inside of the house in very deep wet clay mud. The kid worked his ass off. Ss14 was supposed to go in today with me and clean up all roofing trash today. He looks at his mom last night and says "I'm going to Grandma's instead". This after his mom made a huge deal about him going and treating him different. So now he s going with mommy insted of me. To be honest its a huge relief. Last time he went with me I had to tell him 3 times to put his phone away and work so he called mommy and she came and got him. I'm so sick of it. I had 6 hours off on Thanksgiving and she let him go to the in-laws in sweat pants and a T shit that he had on for 2 days with no shower or socks. So today I get to work all day then grab my bio son 4 from his grandparents then go grocery shopping then come home and do invoices. The bright side of today is I get to spend it with bio son 14.
On a side note she took h to the gym and he "ran" for 25 minutes yesterday then she promptly took him to taco Bell after yesterday. The end result is I know in my heart my kids will make mistakes in life but be able to adapt and overcome. I so don't want to spend my hard earned money on an ungrateful, manipulative kid but hey you win some and you loose some.
Somebody wise told me
Somebody wise told me something years ago, that I never forgot. If you don't like the behavior of a child (a Bkid or Skid) put a 1 in front of it (as in imagine your SS's now at 23 or 24 yrs of age.) and just imagine how their behavior and qualities will magnify given another 10 years. Parenting and step parenting is forever, we drag these Bkids and Skids with us into our old age. It sounds like your BS will be self sufficient in your old age. However, it sounds like your SS's are going to need support until you die. I would try to invest time and energy into SS's now because what you don't do now, you WILL pay for later. (Even if you don't think you will agree to that.}
My DH is in construction.
My DH is in construction. Both my boys have worked for him. Neither like it very much. DH didn't say much to me but I know my youngest and he is lazy.
It's no surprise to me that he was probably lazy on the job. He's asked if he could work again for DH, over school holidays, and was told by DH only if he carried his weight. Well, he stepped it up and actually worked hard, if he hadn't he wouldn't have gone back on day two.
I only found out about all of this after the fact, from one of our employes. My youngest and DH worked it out themselves, as is should be.
My oldest hated the hard labour. He worked half a summer and that was enough for him.
My SS, DH's son worked one summer with him. It didn't go well. He was late, he would leave to help BM or would call in and say he could work because BM needed him for something.
DH gave him one warning and then fired him. BM freaked out and DH told both of them that there was no way he could let his son get away with the crap he'd been pulling in front of his other employees.
He did hire him back and it worked out ok, SS showed up on time and stayed as late as DH.
I think when you are hiring family, any family, they have to be held to the same standards as the other employees, there are no free rides.
This is very easy to sort out
This is very easy to sort out - you work extra to earn money... do not spend it on them. Why would you, sorry if there's no gifts then so be it, world will not stop turning... it's time for them to learn..
Now for your bio working with you and for SS13, I hope you paid them for it... I mean SS 13 will come and work more with your and BS and I believe is a kid is working he should get paid for it... then SS pig can't complain you are being unfair... you are not you paid his brother, cause his brother worked... if Piggy wants to work then as well, once again easy - cell phone to be left home... and he will work, you only get paid for working not standing around..
Its so nice to hear that guys
Its so nice to hear that guys in construction still bring their kids around. I know with osha regulations its harder these days but its awesome for the kids.
I loooved going to jobs with my uncle when i was a kid. Even though i was only ever trusted with grunt work , it was still great watching him work and learning. I can spackle like a champ because of him lol
Its good that SS13 showed you
Its good that SS13 showed you a side you didn't know. This may be a turning point in your relationship. As for the other one, wtf is your wife doing with him? I'm sorry, I have a DS14 too and I know that if he is on break he won't take a shower for days at a time, just sits around playing video games if DH and I leave him alone. Screw that! I give him chores and he must take a shower daily. As far as him doing physical activity you can push him to work but don't ever say negative things about his body, as in he is fat/ugly. That is just cruel even if it were true. You're wife needs to put her foot down with him and make him take care of himself, not let him back out of commitments, and not be able to whine to her to go home. If she wants to see a difference she needs to start with her own relationship with her BS. I wish you the best of luck!
SS13 seems to be paying
SS13 seems to be paying attention on the example of character that you and BS-14 are setting.
SS-14.. not so much.
I dealt with the challenging SKid hygiene years by not allowing him to accompany me anywhere or be anywhere near me if he was stanky. There were many times he was rushing a shower and putting on clean clothes to avoid missing out on something or being left home alone while his mom and I went somewhere he was interested in.
14 is more than old enough to sit home alone with his stinky self or to be sent beyond olfactory range to another room while the rest of the family is eating or otherwise engaged together.