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update "falling hurts"

fedupskiddad's picture

First off I want to say thank you to everyone for the prayers andwell wwishes. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy here when I'm at home. After posting yesterday I went back to sleep then sat around while she went to the gym. She got home and then I said hey let's go get ss12 his Christmas present. So o got dressed and we left. We got his present and her sister calls andwants us to come over. She loves 1/2 hr away. I said OK and next thing I know she's passed because I gave her a short yes to dinner their and going over their and went back to reading. We get their and ss13 and her get out going inside to leave me trying to get out and carry my stuff by myself. WTF. So we go in I'm in the recliner leg up and not only does she spill her pop all over their floor I asked if she could get m y sand which.(bro inlaw made killer Philly cheese steaks). She goes gets ss13's plate and piles a shit ton on hers and comes and sits down. I was very polite and said "hey can u please grab me one again.". She gets apologetic in a very snooty manner and gets one for me. Fast forward 20 mins she's laughing at something and slaps my right foot about sending me through the chair in pain. She giggles and says "sorry". I was more hurt than pissed. She's so abrasive and narcissistic that my BIL leaves for work 1/2 early. I end up having to drive home on back country roads with the seat all the way back hardly able to reach the steering wheel. She "can't drive at night due to bad eyesight" she says. By this time my leg and back are spasming. We get home I hobble straight to bed. She turns TV on in our room(which I fkin hate) and cable won't work. Old TV with no remote. So I spend the next 1/2 hr getting the cable to work. To boot she sosnt understand why I was upset that she came right out and told ss13 what he got for Christmas and lied to me about it. To be honest I keep questioning my own sanity and mind set lately. Her and her boys are so good at manipulating things and situations that now seeing why's she has no friends. I keep thinking the past three years is just a fluke but I'm starting to see they are not. Coming here and the therapy I went through for 2 years ate the only reason I stay sane. She has refused to get help. I'm slowly realizing why her x boyfriend was "abusive". I'm realizing that he just refused to be treated like shit. Thank you guys for letting me vent. The hardest part is knowing I'm a sub contractor so I have to go back to work tomorrow because we canceled our aflec becaus e according to her we didn't need it. Lmfao

Snowflake's picture

You really are in a toxic situation. Some part of you must know this. You do have a choice as to whether you are willing to put up with that situation or to just leave.

She is not going to get better. She obviously doesn't care for your wellbeing.

fedupskiddad's picture

I came back awhile ago under other understanding she was going to get counseling. Since then ss13 has had cups involved in an investigation with me as the perpetrator. He came at me for the 5th time in almost 3 years and I almost lost my 3yr old over it. Cps finally talked to the family and looked at his school record and seen he has a history. She was suppose to get help for herself but hasnt made the effort. I have realized over the last 3 years that everything is ALWAYS someone else's fault. She bitchs about not being able to get as help but spends most night on FB posting religious quotes. I did a Google search and sent her the links for organizations in the area that will help but that was 2 weeks ago and she has yet to call or email them. I keep trying but I've fallen into this trap of thinking maybe I'm the one that's being unreasonable or hard to get along with. I'm not perfect by any means sueu2 but going crazy. The last time I left she transfered my phone to hers almost costing myself and 3 other guys a really big contractor we do work for and she threw all my shit into boxes. Now mind u I was only gone for 12 hours. I feel trapped but its going to hit a point within the next month that it comes to me leaving again. She even went through my phone while I was getting xrays. I have never lied or cheated to her. I don't talk to my sons bio mom about anything but my son. Like I said I feel like I'm going crazy and questioning my own decesions.