Down the COVID rabbit hole *trigger*
Well, much like water things have a way of "balancing out".
- Munchkin SD13almost14 has been with us since April 14th, and Toxic Troll discussed and agreed that FOR NOW we can do a 2-week visitation schedule. She also discussed and agreed (FINALLY) that visitation schedul should change to week on/week off because 5 days on/off gets confusing. Because I am the only one that tracks anything on my calendar. And counting is HARD!
- Munchk and I have had many discussions and talks - she simply didnt realize that I needed that interaction from her (she was no contact leading me to think she was upset, which was not the case and she apologised.)
- Munchkin found nude photos of her sister, Feral Forger SD21, by accident, because there are multiple devices synched up at the apartment. Several. From the bathroom. Showing everything. Which lead to the discussion of what is appropriate within the confines of a committed relationship, and I just asked her about her feelings (no need to delve into that too much right?) I just do not know how that affects things from a legal standpoint with a minor...
- Munchkin and I FINALLY had the big discussion that I have been skirting for a long time - her mother enabling her sister and her sister enabling her mother. Its been months now, and I have grown tired of the whole "my sister bullies my mother into this and that" litany of stories. From "we only eat fast food because my sister always tells my mother she should buy it, because remember when you beat me..." to her sister going out to be with her friends "because Im young and want to enjoy my life NOW". The drinking that shes allowed to do - meaning drinking with her friends and doing other drugs, coming back the apartment high and drunk and throwing up...
I finally was able, in a non-emotional way to connect the dots for Munchkin:
1. Her mother is NOT a victim, in any of this.
2. Her sister is allowed to do these things which are OBVIOUSLY bad and OBVIOUSLY negative and unhealthy, because thats what MOM wants to do. MOM gets to go traveling down the coast to a resort town, obviously not alone, and goes places, so why would she keep Feral Forger from seeing her friends too. MOM is too lazy to shop, cook, and clean so she will buy the fast food as requested. Drinking? Well MOM drings ONLY 6 bottles in a week of wine so of course its ok for FF to do her own drinking.
3. They enable each other to do what they want to do, which is go out, be with dudes, drink and eat junk, and who knows what else...
To my shock and wonderment, Munchkin agreed and said "you are right, I can see that now..."
I am so glad Munchkin has you
I am so glad Munchkin has you in her life and as she grows I really hope she remembers and uses the wisdom you impart on her. I think you are the only sane chance that girl has at being somewhat normal when she gets older.
Its weird
To read that. I know Im good but I dont feel it sometimes.
DH, in his more lucid moments tells me that I am "her normal".
I fear that she will either lose hope of her life being better, or fall down the rabbit-hole of dark and easy.
Yeah it's hard I get it. We
Yeah it's hard I get it. We raised Spawn...okay I raised Spawn and my biggest fear was for her to turn out like her Meth Mom. I'm not saying I was perfect but I was the only one pulling for that kid. It broke my heart to watch her become a coniving lying victim just like her mom. My DH likes to play that he's so upset about Spawn and losing her, but he forgets I lost her too and I covered all of that with anger and scorn. Because at the end of the day I was just the SM the person who didn't matter and was just there to be blamed. So I understand just how much this hurts and why it's the hardest thing to deal with.
So true. My biggest fear as
So true. My biggest fear as a dad was that my Skid would go down the path of his SpermIdiot. Gangbanger wannabe, serial statutory rapist, kid after kid after kid after kid serial out of wedlock breeder, entitled to be supported by his parents and them raising his 4 out of wedlock spawn/paying his CS etc....
Not that we would have tolerated any of that crap if had tried it.
But it scared his mom and I to death that he might go the route of the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool.
Happily, he stayed far, far, far from that shit storm in his own adult life.
You guys got very lucky,
You guys got very lucky, unfortunately in my opinion Spaen turned out just as I suspected. DH is proud she hasn't had a child yet, but the men she chooses are all abusive drug addicts...so not saying much. I just pray she can't have children so she breaks the cycle because she is just like her meth mom and will destroy anybody who feels compelled to help her should she end up pregnant,
Yes, we are fortunate. SS really is a man of character.
I am sorry that you and DH have to deal with this crap.
An interesting segue for my SIL though. My DW had our son when she was 16. My SIL was all proud of herself that she got knocked up out of wedlock when she was 20 and was parading her status of not being a teen mom around to the family all through her pregnancy with her first. My wife and I made a trip to SpermLand to visit my ILs during SILs pregnancy. At a family dinner SIL was flaunting her non teen pregnancy at that dinner. I finally had enough of that crap and called her out on it in front of everyone. "So, what is worse, a 16yo getting pregnant or a 20yo? Who should know better, a kid or a supposedly grown assed woman? Yah, not so much to be proud of now is there? Be proud when you actually accomplish something with your life. Like graduating with your college degree with honors, an MBA with honors, obtaining a professional certification and having a successful lucrative career. No one gives a crap that you can have sex out of wedlock as a 20yo so quit trying to make your sister feel bad and grow up!"
Unfortunately none of my DW's three younger sibs took any lessons of value from her experience as single teen mom. Every one of them (DW, BIL1, BIL2, SIL) conceived their first children out of wedlock. For some reason the younger three all seem to romanticize their elder sisters experiences and learned nothing from it though all of them were old enough to clearly experience the tensions and challenges that the whole family had during my DW's 16 & pregnant/Teen Mom HS years. For some reason those lessons were lost on them.
Needless to say, when there is something hinky going on in the IL clan that everyone is trying to ignore or spin from a shit storm into a positive... I am not the guy who is particularly welcome at dinner when the idiot of the moment starts to target my wife.
smh
Sounds like your DH may be part of my IL clan. Woo hoo, my daughter hasn't gotten pregnant with any of her crack head boyfriends! I'm sooooo proud!
For far too many the bar for parenting success is so low of late that a license to breed should be required.
Ugh.