Does you SK Stare at you?
Forums:
This may seem like a strange post,but my SD who is 12 stares at me all the time when she is around me. I can feel her staring at me and when I finally look at her she always says the same thing, HI! DOes anyone have any suggestions or ideas about why she may be doing this? It makes me very uncomfortable-I mean we will all be sitting down eating dinner and talking and she will be across the table from me just a starin! Has anyone else had this happen? She also says nothing sometimes and doesn't look away. Oh by the way-I have asked her several times to stop and told her it's rude to stare, but no cigar!
how long have you been
how long have you been together? She might just be studying you a little. Mine have told me that they think i am pretty - which makes me feel good - so when they stare I just ignore it.Maybe they are getting used to you, your mannerisms?
also, my sd is very nosy and is always trying to listen and/or participate in adult discussions. if she is caught, she will say hi! or divert attention elsewhere to get out of it. lately we have been telling her to go play or find something to do or ask if she is hovering. She gets the hint and moves along.
I have managed not to nag too much and now it is starting to bug my fiance - it's WAY more effective when he tells her that she is being annoying than for me to find a tactful way to tell her to go away.
I have been with him and his kids
for about 6 years and this is something that has just started recently.....not sure what's going on-she tries to participate in adult conversation all the time too and I have caught her eavesdropping-Do you think she knows it makes me uncomfortable and the is why she continues?
Oh man, can I relate!
I always chalked it up to my SS11 being a little boy w/a crush or tried to tell myself he does this because he wants my attention and isn't old enough to put that into words.
It is so aggravating after a long day...
What I usually do (which does and doesn't work...depends on the day, really...) is if I catch him staring at me out of the corner of my eye, I usually look down/away and then address him.
If we're eating dinner, I'll usually look down at my plate and say "SS, how was your day?" And then look over and smile. I try not to encourage the staring, but sometimes I find that if I ignore it, it gets WORSE!!
That drives me crazy!!!!!!!
My 6 yr old SS does the same thing he will stare at me and most of the time will not even respond to me. I practically have to yell at him to get an answer to a simple question. This boy will not speak to me, he can't even ask me to go to the bathroom if I am in there without first going to his dad and then his dad will tell him how to tell me that he needs to use the bathroom. There are times that I think my SS is slow (and that is not meant in a bad way) but all of his test scores at school come out fine, they say he is a normal child for his age. I get that from my two SD too, just not as bad. When my SS stares at me it drives me nuts, he makes me feel ignorant some of the times. I have discussed it with my DH but it doesn't do any good, he just tells me that my SS does it to him too. I think that it is very rude to just stare and not give a response.
I want to live, laugh and love again.
I don't know
sometimes I feel like it is about control-like she knows that it upsets me and that I am more than likely not going to confront her on it although I have a few times-so it's her way of having some sort of control over me. Like it makes her feel good to make me squirm. I know it sounds crazy but that's how I feel sometimes:)
Driving me crazy
is his favorite thing to do I think. I think my SS enjoys making me uncomfortable. There have been times he asked me what I am doing here, like I am a visitor in my own home. There have been many times that he has told me that he hates me. But most of the time he just stares at me, he does not try to communicate at all. He wants his dad to do everything for him, and if my DH doesn't then he whines and throws a fit. But I think BM has something to do with the problems I have with my SK, she is sneaky and manipulative, and she babies my SS.
I want to live, laugh and love again.
I know what you mean
I think she enjoys making me uncomfortable too. She also will lie-for instance I go to DH and tell him SD is staring at me for inappropriate amounts of time and he says she IS only 12 that's his excuse for all her behavior- But finally he took her aside last night and asked her why she was staring at me (he didn't actually see it himself until last night) and she said she had no idea what he was talking about even when he said he saw her she continued to deny it.......so I figured that will fix this she's been called out by Dad. Well I think I just pissed her off because sure enough this morning she came in the kitchen and started again, so I said what is you problem! And again she said she had no idea what I was talking about. That goes back to the fact the she sees me as an equal-not a parent. ARRRRRGGGGHHHH!
It's not just kids!
A friend of my step dad's got me a temp job at the company they worked for. One day I was typing away at the computer when the two of them stood in the doorway & stared at me, saying nothing. When I looked at them I said 'what?' They looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders & said 'nothing.' At that point I rolled my eyes & kept on typing, as if what they were doing didn't matter. They just kind of drifted away, because their attempt to push my buttons didn't work.
I think in your case, acting like you don't even care might just work.
Hipi
How about this one for fun
"ah you're watching me again. Thank you, I feel pretty too"
I love it!!!!!
I will have to use that one-it would completley throw her off her train of thought! HAHAHAHAHA
I guess you could always go
I guess you could always go for the "take a picture - it will last longer" line from jr high.
I used to feel like I was paranoid
My SD stares at me still after nearly four years. She did it a lot more in the beginning. I would be watching TV and feel her eyes on the back of my head. She would come into the room and not say a thing, just stand there waiting to be acknowledged. DH helped put nearly and end to it. She also said "Hi" every time she walked into a room all day long, "I love you" fifty times before going to bed. She hung on me too, and would constantly be hugging and giving me a kiss good night- often rushing up while I was taking a bite of food or something else like cooking. She would interrupt me mid-sentence talking to DH to hug or kiss me, etc. It's getting better but now she's made it clear that's b/c I'm always "rejecting" her by not constantly showing her intimate emotional attention. My theory is this is because her mom is unaffectionate (and has been her whole life.) Something sort of classically repressed in it- as if she didn't get enough hugs, kisses etc as an infant/toddler and is stuck in that stage of development.
I wish I could say I have an answer for you. But knowing that it's so common has to help. I thought for a while I was overly sensitive and that her mom's paranoia was contagious!
Peace, love, and red wine
Okay I will try humor
and see if it works -that way at least she will know that it's not going to work on me anymore. It's good to be able to get diffrent points of view on the behavior, but zenmom's post sounds like my situatuion. She also says I love you many many times a day and really wants my attention and gets very quiet or pouts when I don't give it to her......
OMG....I woke up one morning
OMG....I woke up one morning and SS (6 Yrs) was just standing there staring at me. I thought maybe a boob had popped out but I've noticed that he does it a lot. As does his little sister (# Yrs). Maybe this is natural, but it reminds me a little of a very scary movie....
Confusion
I think that they are so confused. If you are a child and say your friend told you that they couldn't stand someone but everytime you were around them they seemed nice to you...wouldn't that confuse you?
My sd I know is tormented. I love her so much and BM has called me the B*&%^ in front of her and I think sometimes that she wants to be around me because I know sd loves me too and is just so confused.
I couldn't imagine being in that position. SD must feel so guilty for even liking me if her BM hates me so much. I just try to always tell her that I and DH love her no matter what and if other people say bad things about us that it is okay because all we care about is how much we love her.
Don't get me wrong...we have to have these "little" talks often. Anytime we feel that there is something "off" about SD behavior and by doing so it seems to help. Maybe you could just try that and see what happens.
Sounds like something that all kids do.
Probably to their own parents, as well. My SDs come in and stare at me all the time. I think they just want my attention, so I just smile, open my arms for a hug, and say "What's up?" A lot of times they're just bored, and want my attention. What's so bad about that?
Nothing wrong with hearing "I love you," either. If it seems excessive, perhaps it's because they need to hear it back from you. We all need a little reassurance, and certainly step-kids do. They have very little control over their own lives.
I get stared at ALL the time
everyday at the dinner table, it's like clockwork....the only thing is..it bugs me...it's always bugged me when anyone is staring at me...I'm pretty insecure myself so when a kid is watching me eat it makes me feel wierd...my daughter is 6 and knows it's rude to stare, doesn't do it to anyone...my fiancee's kid has no table manners whatsoever so I wasn't surprised about the staring thing...I usually just stare back and he hates that...LOL
She tried it with me too!
My Unfortunately, my SD isn't the cutest teenager in the world. Her hair is short and nappy/her eyebrows are thicker than Ghengis Khan! so when I caught her staring at me one day fixedly, I dramatically sighed and said, Yes - I am beautiful aren't I? And I slowly ran my hands through my long silky hair. She tried it again and I said, I know it, it's tough being this beautiful - people stare at me all the time! Now, a year later, after moving from Oklahoma to Atlanta to live with us, she's begging her father to pay for fake hair and nails...and she asks me how I do it! I simply told her the truth - genetics!
Love that
It is just hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!
Me too...
My SS stares at me all the time too. Full on, mouth hanging open spittle on lips. It's really weird. Don't know what it's about, but it really annoys me for some reason. I'm a terrible person for feeling this way...but he really annoys me in general.
Next time he leaves his
Next time he leaves his mouth open, put your finger in it and remind him of teh consequences of leaving one's mouth open - anything can get in there ... flies, germs, fingers etc.
"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." ~ Abraham Lincoln
LOL
Yes, I think they all stare!!
Maybe b/c we're prettier than the BM's
All kidding aside, its the weirdest thing in the world, but yes I get stared at too. Especially when he comes back from the BM's house. Its like theyre hypnotized or something. Oh so strange.
My SD stares at me too. I'm
My SD stares at me too. I'm pretty sure she does it because she is extremely jealous. I love Cruella's advice! She cracks me up!
Maybe comparison going on
Perhaps the Skids are comparing you and BM's differences....eyes, hair, body???
Otherwise, I agree with lots of others. Kids being kids.....
But wouldn't you love to know what they're thinking. Their little wheels are always turning.
Funny!
Cactus I love that idea!
Not fair that you feel uncomfortable in your own home !
I do also feel a bit nervous when anyone stares. Makes me feel as if I have a bugger on my face or something. I think I would start a stare-down. She who laughs first. You can turn it into a positive moment or else you can say, where did you learn to stare like that? Do you have a question you want to ask? the word WHAT is helpful.
Love your photo - You remind me of me!
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
I know what you mean
Stepwitch, I shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable in my own home. Last weekend we went out to lunch and SD 14 started the stare down. I asked "is there something you want to ask me, that must be the only reason you have been staring at me like that for five minutes?" She was shocked-I have never said anything like that to her before. She looked more uncomfortable after that than she has ever made me feel
I have gotten somewhat over it
I just ignore her because I know she is trying to get my attention.
I still feel ill when SD comes in the door, but I have started to let her do more hanging out with friends, or putting that decision off on her dad (I even text him or call him at work to ask him if he wants her going, if it's a new friend outside of our allotment that we don't know the parents yet.)
Ironically, SD is getting mad and wrote recently in her journal (which she left out open on her freshly made bed- which is NEVER freshly made so was sure to catch my attention)
"Why does (SM) have to tell Dad EVERYTHING. She can't even make one decision on her own anymore she's become so dependent on Dad it's like she doesn't even know how to parent."
Ha.
Oh I have many tricks up my sleeve!
Ironically, when she had a "my best friend's crush asked me out" question last night, it was me, not BM she turned to. BM likes superficial conversation about fashion and making fun of other people, but when SD wants a sincere answer about something important, who does she ask? Guess I know a few things after all.
Peace, love, and red wine
DOH !!
"would you care for alittle food with that stare? Turn a bouts fair play !
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
When my SD10 stares at me, I
When my SD10 stares at me, I ALWAYS comment on it. Usually I just look at her and say, "Did you want something?" or "Can I help you?" She's doing it much less than she did 3 years ago when I first moved in.
My four year old SS stares
My four year old SS stares at me sometimes. Normally it's when he is getting tired. Not sure why he does it and depending on the look on his face it can get creepy as he sometimes gets a Damien type of look. LOL
Both my SS and SD has pointed out numerous times that I'm pretty than mommy, LOL boy did that make me feel good and made DH laugh his butt off.
OMG...
I had to chuckle when I read your post. My SS does it CONSTANTLY...like he's waiting for my approval or something. One time I was like, what are you staring at? And he said nothing and looked away. But it is soooo annoying and rude. I was taught staring was disrepectful and rude. But that's the main reason I'm on this website. I have some negative feelings (like resentment and annoyance) towards my SS for various reasons. I'm trying to deal with those via therapy and this site. But the staring is really starting to get on my nerves- LOL!!
Alexis G.
I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM WITH
I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM WITH SD AND I DON'T THINK SHE DOES IT BECAUSE SHE IS TRYING TO GET TO KNOW ME CAUSE I THINK 4 YEARS IS MORE THAN ENOUGH. ONE TIME SHE ENDED UP AT THE HOSPITAL AND HER MOM WAS THERE I NOTICED THAT SHE WAS ALSO TRYING TO GET TO KNOW ME CAUSE SHE STARED AT ME THE HOLE TIME I WAS THERE. IT WAS SO WEIRD TO HAVE AN ADULT(IF U CAN CALL HER THAT) STARE AT YOU. WHAT I DID NEXT WAS VERY UNPLEASANT FOR ME I STARED BACK AT HER AND THEN SHE TURNED AWAY. SO I THINK IT MIGHT ME GENETIC AND IN YOUR CASE I THINK SHE IS TRYING TO GET ON UR NERVES.
NEXT TIME SHE DOES IT TELL HER " WHAT ARE U STARING AT? IS IT THE PIMPLE ON MY FACE THAT LOOKS JUST LIKE THE ONE U HAVE ON UR FOREHEAD?