Do your older SKs have authority over your BKs
I have an emerging issue that I wanted to get opinions on. In light of my SD8 trying to turn a new leaf and become more talkative to everyone including her little sister, my BD8mo (see my blog for more info). I wanted to know your opinion on authority and the SKs. Yesterday after 9 months of not saying anything to my daughter, my SD said something to her like "Name, don't do that". And I perked up like.."what the" and my little one looked at her like who are you talking to me. So, I told my DH - I am happy for SD8 wanting to talk and everything however she is in no position to tell our BD what to do, if she has a problem with what she is doing - she can route her conversation to me. She can talk to her, but she is not the boss of her. I told DH that was my stance, and I hope he supports me. And of course, he does. So my question is, did I make the right call? I think I did for me, but wanted to see where you all stood on the matter.
SD reprimands BDs all the time
And I hate it! SD15 is a total s*&^. She has terrible manners and treats everyone like crap. This weekend BD5 colored a picture and tried to give it to SD15. SD refused to take it. So BD5 handed it to her agin, and SD15 threw it on the floor. I was so pissed! DH was right there but did nothing.
So no, I don't like it when SD reprimands BDs. BUT, I try to pick my battles. Franly though, it's about to blow...
My FSS6
reprimands his brother FSS4 ALL THE TIME and I hate it. I want to say, "I don't know who you think you are little man, but you have no business saying that to your brother. Quit being to bossy." I think he gets it from BM. BM even tries to treat my BF like she can boss him around.
HELL NO! Kids do not act
HELL NO! Kids do not act like parents, period. When they have their own kids, then they can!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
My SD13 does watch BD2 for
My SD13 does watch BD2 for short periods of time. So she has some responsibility and authority.
I was home and SD was watching another child about 5 (wife's friends kid) and BD. I was home while the kids played in the family room. BD starts crying so I investigate. BD is on the other side of the room crying. SD told me she put her in timeout for grabbing toys and not listening after being warned.
I said, 'So you set expectations, and when they werent followed you imposed consequences?" She replied "yes".
I replied "well thats irony for ya..." then told BD to listen to her sister. When she was done crying she could go back to playing...
So I know SD is aware of the concept of expectations and consequences but maybe only when they dont apply to her.
Siblings
Remember first that they are siblings, and I would step back alittle, even though she is your SD.. they are still sisters. I wouldnt not allow the sd to scold her but I would think that SD8 is trying to reach out to her. if now she decided to talk to her.
I think that she should be put in the big sister position and let SD know that she can show the baby new things to do, and show her fun things to do ..but her Mommy and Daddy are only people allowed to reprimand her. That is their job, not sisters. She can call you over if their is a problem
Big sister are for fun things,
In time Big sister will always tell little sister what to do, believe me... but at this time its not her place.
Let her bond in a different way.
There is a time and a place for everything.
And you are right, this isn't the time. I understand that at some point SD8 will have to implement some point of authority, but she is coming off of a lot of bad influences, and judgement and quite frankly - she has no place at the moment to reprimend someone seeing that she can't even be obedient, so - she can just focus on the fun stuff and I'm ok with that. Later in life I'm sure this will change, but right now, I'm not trusting of it.
I think it depends on what BD was doing
If she's pulling SDs hair, then of course SD has the right to tell her to stop. If BD's about to pick up a razor blade off the garage floor, then I think SD should tell her no. If BD is trashing SD's stuff, I think SD should be able to tell her to stop. We have this issue with all the kids. Because my SD8 was an only child for so long and used to bossing everyone around, it's been a tough adjustment for her (and us for dealing with her). My biokids boss each other around but they've had a lot of years to learn the boundries, when it's appropriate and when it's not. I wouldn't be too quick to label this a step problem and be hyper sensitive to how a step is treating a bio, because this is a problem that bio siblings face all the time. In our house, if it doesn't affect you, stay out of it. If someone is in your personal zone, you have the right to put a stop to it (no fighting, yelling, hitting, etc.) Just my 2 cents.
I agree
I actually like when you said "if it doesn't pertain directly to you", then route it appropriately. I also agree though that she would be able to say something if BD is picking up a razor. Thanks for your post, it makes me put things into perspective and I'll know how to address this the next time it happens. Like you mention with a step child that was the only child before the BKids, they have no concept of what the boundries are with me or with the new siblings. She needs to learn those, so it will be a little harder for her at first. This particular instance, SD said something while BD was in my arms, so especially me, I'm like - uhh, excuse me - I'm right here and it is not bothering me, so back off. But I'll know how to approach it "nicely" so she knows what to do.