DH ex issues. What to do when he doesn't understand point of view?
My DH has 2 children with his ex (9 and 6). When his ex comes over to pick up the kids she walks in. (This used to bother me but I got over it for the sake of the kids although I would never walk into my ex's house because I feel that it's not my place). Now his ex is walking into our bedroom when we are in bed and giving him gifts. I've expressed my uncomfort that she does this to the point of tears however he feels that there is nothing wrong with this behavior. He actually is angry with me that I have an issue with this. I honestly don't know how to deal with it. He told me it's my issue and that I need to either get over it or tell his ex that it bothers me which I feel it's not my place.
I have 2 children with my ex and would never walk into their home let alone bedroom. I would never out of respect for them and their privacy. So to me it seems like she has no respect for our privacy.
I just want my DH to understand this, but he states that she is the mother of his children and it's good that she is comfortable enough to walk into our bedroom when I'm in the bed with him. To me it's so disrepectful and have no idea how to express this without my DH getting angry with me. I honestly don't want drama. So should I just let this issue go too for the sake of all of our children and relationship or should I say something to her which would make me severely uncomfortable?
I just spoke to DH about
I just spoke to DH about boundaries and told him that we needed them. I also said that if he wasn't going to do anything about it then I would have to. He said that I could do what I had to do but he was done discussing it and that his day was already ruined. He didn't even take in account that my day was ruined....it's Mother's Day after all. So now I have to go over to her house and say something to her. I'm having severe anxiety over this to the point of shaking. I just cannot believe that he's allowing this and that he thinks I'm overreacting and not taking my feeling into consideration. It's very frustrating. I'm not asking much.....I just do not want his ex in our bedroom. He's acting like I'm trying to bend his will.
I wouldn't go to HER house I
I wouldn't go to HER house I would wait for her to show up at YOUR house. If you go there you will be on her territory if you wait she will be on yours. I would meet her at the door and tell her right then and there.
No, don't go to her house.
No, don't go to her house. That's a boundary you would be breaking. The next time she comes to yours, you stand your ground.
What pp said. Be waiting for her.
OMG!! The nerve of that
OMG!! The nerve of that woman! No I would NOT let this go. This is a major thing, she is completely stepping over the boundries here. I would say something to HER, as much as it would make you uncomfortable, I dont think it would be any more so than her just walking into your bedroom. If after talking to her she continues doing it....I'd make sure to give her something to see. I'd be sitting on the bed naked, or doing something with DH..to put that "bad image" in her head to where maybe she wont do that any more.
Why not just lock your front door, or your bedroom door.
Since your hubby wont put a stop to it, it will come down to you to do it. If you want it to stop at all!!
(DH ex would never step foot on my porch let alone in my house or bedroom.) Neither would my exh
Totally inappropriate. No one
Totally inappropriate. No one I know would allow this from people they are on good terms with. My friends and family would never walk into my bedroom. Not even my mother would do that. Stand up to DH and set some boundaries or you will be miserable for a long time.
Just like fences make good neighbors, boundaries make a better blended family.
OMG NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT
:jawdrop: OMG NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT is Dh thinking??????
He needs a slap of reality right up the side of his head...No Im not saying hit him.....Im saying you need to get his attention! This is NOT normal behavior for ANYONE!! Much less an ex!!!!
Does his kids have the right to just walk into your shared bedroom when ever? MY kids Bio or Not MUST knock or catch HELL!!!!! Even if my br door is open!
DH needs to ge a grip! How to do that???.....the jury is out...funny idea: maybe you should just walk in on him while he is in the bathroom doing buisness on the thrown...no knock just walk in...do some other things like this a few days really play it up Open the public restroom door when you know hes there alone and ask a question...an any other time you can catch him with his pants down...When he's had enugh say smugly "well you seem to have no respect for my boundries why should I respect yours? NEXT it will be the repairman or neighbor UNLESS you respect our home and tell BM no more!!" Know it wont work in logic but funny to think...
Um NOOOOOOOOOO "I honestly
Um NOOOOOOOOOO
"I honestly don't know how to deal with it. He told me it's my issue and that I need to either get over it or tell his ex that it bothers me which I feel it's not my place"
Let me help you. This is your home too, correct? Yeah, its your place to tell her. Tell her that regardless of how things have been done, it is now going to be that she needs to knock and be asked to come in to your home. Explain to her that while this is her children's home, she is a guest and should behave as such. Also, that if she is invited in, your bedroom is off limits to guests. Your husband doesn't want to do anything (most likely because he is afraid to) So what, then you do it.
NO F'ing way!!!!!
BM's sister did this TWICE at my house. After the second time when I saw SO wasn't going to do anything, I did. ITS MY HOUSE
I can't believe this. How
I can't believe this. How inappropriate and a total invasion of privacy. I don't know why she would *want* to see you in bed with her ex. I'd tell him, either you stop this or I will. Ask him how he'd feel about your ex walking into the bedroom (can you get him to? hee hee)
NOT in this lifetime would
NOT in this lifetime would DH's X walk into my house, much less our bedroom. Actually, if I saw her in the driveway, I'd probably go out and stand on the porch to let her know that was as far as she was going to get! (bear in mind, all of our kids are adults, so we're not doing the drop off pick up thing) Your DH's X has NERVE to walk into your place like that...and DH has NERVE to expect you to put up with it. What the hell is WRONG with him?????
So, what kinds of gifts is
So, what kinds of gifts is she giving him while you are laying next to him?
No way would my DH's ex walk
No way would my DH's ex walk into my bedroom without me saying something. She has only been in my house one time. We do have kids that we drop and pick up but usually no one gets out but the kids.
On the other hand I do go into my ex's house. My older two boys live there....my ex is not involved with anyone....If he had a woman living with him I would not walk in unless invited.
When dropping my younger son off I sometimes have to unlock the door to his house to let my son in....so yes I have a key to my ex's house. If and when he gets involved I would feel weird doing that.
I am blessed neither my DH or my ex has a problem with this...My DH did say there is no way in hell his ex would have access to our house like I do my ex's.