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How old is too old to sleep with dad?

SittingPretty's picture

So my 10 year SD has recently started getting really upset at bedtime. She starts crying and saying that her throat/neck/back is sore. DH ends up sleeping with her (on the couch, it makes me uncomfortable when she's in our bed). Isn't 10 a bit old to be sleeping with your dad or am I being harsh? I don't remember sleeping with my dad after I was really little, maybe 4 or 5. I have no suspicions that anything weird is going on at all, just to make it clear.

She also just comes into our bedroom without knocking, even if the door is closed. I'd like her to knock but it's hard to enforce because I have a toddler too, so it's difficult to give different kids different rules. Does anyone else have different sets of rules for kids? I don't want it to seem unfair but I don't feel like I have any privacy.

Acratopotes's picture

Simply put your foot down Hon, SD is manipulating her father......

get the most disgusting medicine in the house, if she has a cough, she gets some and straight off to bed, explain that DH can't afford to get sick...... blablablabla... quarantine her in the room for the night...

Back is sore, oh dear, off to bed you need to rest, no one is rubbing it for you.

Your bedroom door is closed and she walks in without knocking, simply say SD leave, we do not simply walk into people's bedrooms, we knock and we wait till they say come in....

DH sleeping with her on the couch - simply wake him up...

stop taking it and start taking control

thinkthrice's picture

THIS! You have a budding mini wife on your hands. All 3 of my skids would bust in w/o knocking
The problem is with DH allowing the manipulation and failure to teach princess any manners.

SugarSpice's picture

a child should sleep on his own by the age of five. ten is way to old for this.

the child is on the way to being a mini wife. yes, sons can be mini wifes too.

Tuff Noogies's picture

exactly, brick. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

yes, 10 is too old to be sleeping with daddeeeee IMHO. i just don't get the concept of sleeping with your kids, it's not something i have ever experienced. h3ll, even as a toddler i knocked on my parents' bedroom door (yes, i do remember). i NEVER slept with my parents except ONCE, while visiting my bio-mom over Christmas Eve - she was living with a friend, so didn't have anyplace for us to sleep except in her bed, it was hilarious three people in a twin-sized bed. i was probably around 7 or 8, but that was one time and one time only.

Tuff Noogies's picture

echo - i 'started' and was wearing a bra at the age of NINE.

and yes, i totally agree - even a toddler can be taught to knock and wait for you to open the door or say "come in".

AshMar654's picture

She is too old for this. My SO does not let his son 8 sleep in his bed. Future SS8 has asked me multiple times to sleep in his bed with him when I have slept over I always say no you are getting to old for adults to sleep in the same bad as you. My SO totally agrees with me on that one because when his son falls asleep in his bed he will sleep in another bed or on his chair in his room or even move him to his own bed.

I know I have made weird faces when SS8 has told me that he slept in his grandmothers bed when everyone was gone. They have a king so no where near one another but still weird to me because his bedroom was right down the hall.

When I was sick it was rare I ever slept in my parents bed I would maybe fall asleep with them but wake up the next morning in my own bed.

momjeans's picture

Yeah, this sounds like a budding mini-wife. Gross.

How old is too old? I'm not sure, but I'd say around 3 or 4 years old IF it's a co-sleeping situation. And believe me, I'm all about that with MY OWN children - and I just recently moved our 3 year old to her own bed, in her own room, permanently and with no tears or drama. If it can be done at this age, it can definitely be done with a 10 year old.

DH was allowing skid to still sleep in his bed, during visitations, when we started dating. She was around 5 or 6, and it was because BM co-slept with skid at home.

So, obviously DH had to sleep with snowflake at his. Once we moved in together I told him NO WAY was skid going to sleep in my... our bed. Skid couldn't emotionally deal. So much so that she'd start having meltdowns before BM dropped her off. I distinctly remember BM calling DH and yelling at him, demanding he sleep in the same bed as skid. DH shut BM down and immediately stopped the co-sleeping. It was disgusting, dramatic behavior all around.

Nip that BS in the bud now.

Rags's picture

This is ridiculous and your DH is drinking this manipulative Kool-Aid hook line and sinker.

"Knock it off and get your butt back in your bed or get over here, bend over, and I will swat your butt so you have something to cry about."

Lather, rinse, repeat.

End of problem.

IMHO the rules should be common but applied in an age appropriate manner. What compliance looks like for a 10yo and compliance looks like for a toddler are two very different things. Do not let the 10yo behave like the toddler and do not expect the toddler to behave as a 10yo.

Pretty simple.

somethingwicked's picture

How often does this occur?
Find a bottle of Cod Liver Oil. Yes that nasty stuff is still out there and actually very good for health but tastes like shit.
Give her a spoonful of that nasty stuff every time she complains of a sore throat. Tell DH she needs to go to the Pediatrician . Maybe needs a flu shot? Or vitamin shots? Or some kind of shot. Make sure kid hears you discuss this .

See how fast she knocks that manipulative BS off.

She is getting 2 objectives completed by feigning illness at bedtime.
1) Gets Dad away from you.
2)Gains The Power in the relationship.

And buy and install a lock on you bedroom door. She is old enough for DH to explain that adults need privacy and she can knock
if she needs something. Set the rules that after she has gotten a drink of water ,a story, a tuck-in at 8pm or whatever her bedtime routine she is expected to get to sleep. Nothing short of a real emergency. She is old enough to comprehend this.
She's only 10.
Nip it or it will grow into an unwieldy elephant in the room.

SittingPretty's picture

lol!!! Love the castor oil idea! Our sofa is huge with the ottoman so no spooning involved thank god. I still think she's waaaay too old though.

She's not the nightmare skid that it sounds like some of you have to handle but it's happened a few times lately and I can't help but think that she got the result that she wanted the first time so it's getting repeated. I think it's just laziness on the part of DH, the last time was at 1am so I think he just found that the easiest solution. Agreed that it'd make me massively uncomfortable once she hits puberty and it needs to stop!!

Makes sense on making the toddler knock too. You're all right, this should be the rule all round. Thank you for the advice.

SittingPretty's picture

We do have a lock on bedroom door. I don't use it at night because the toddler isn't fully toilet trained yet so she sometimes needs help at night.

bowenw67133's picture

My SS still sleeps with his BF on his weekends. He's nearly 11. It creeps me out. We've asked about improper touching... No smoke yet. My SS is uncomfortable with it, but doesn't want to hurt his BF's feelings. I'm torn because I don't want to try to control their time together, but it seems really strange.

Sarahlee2417's picture

Both my stepdaughters up to ages 10 and 12 slept in the same bed as their stepdad. I've always thought it was bizarre!!