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DH eating BM treats

New second wife-step-mom's picture

Almost every visit with BM SS will come home with snacks, cookies, brownies, etc. Well, SS will always offer the treats to DH and he eats them! It just infuriates me that he eats the food she makes. I don't make a lot of those kinds of things because they are not healthy and so I only make them on special occassions not on a weeekly or daily basis. Am I wrong in being upset that DH eats her food? Am I being ridiculous about this? Why does it make me so mad?

SillyGilly's picture

As far as if you are being ridiculous or wrong - probably. But I would be mad too!!!! It just one of those things that would absolutely get under my skin!!!!!

Doodle's picture

Yeah, that's one of those totally unreasonable yet completly unstoppable thoughts, I completely understand. I hate the fact that BF even shared his sperm with BM! It makes me cringe inside.

Just throw them away when no one is looking, if they ask where the treats are rub your tummy and tell them they were really good! LOL Wink

LizGrace65's picture

I think it's normal to feel that way, possibly because many of us express affection with home baked treats. If we're accepting affection when enjoying the treats made for us by a loved one, does that mean your DH is accepting the treats SS shares as an expression of affection from BM? No, it doesn't. It's a nonsequitur based on the warm fuzzy association of home baking. Your DH just wants to eat tasty junk. It doesn't mean he cares about BM.

I would feel the same way you do, and I'd work on schooling my thinking to see it more as "guys like to eat junk." And then I'd try not to get annoyed that BM was capable of making tasty junk that my DH enjoyed.

Natural, and to be supressed. Smile

L

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

This is one of those situations to which I always refer to not being, "Natural."

It is a territorial" thing. All quite normal too. Why though does he not just let the child have it though and not eat it himself? That would tick me off too honestly.

on the fence's picture

Clothes I would draw the line at. Goodies are coming from the skid, really. My XH has a small farm and DS will occasionally bring some produce, eggs or something along that line. He asks if he can take some home because he's proud of his contribution in raising it and wants to show it at home, too. XH lets him sometimes and I think that's nice. I cook whatever it is and DS is happy because he feels it's from him. If I have just baked something, I might send some as a snack with DS, and he probably shares with his dad, but I don't know and really don't care. Just a look from the other side, I guess. Of course I have zero interest in XH aside from hoping to peacefully, cooperatively finish raising our son.

stormabruin's picture

Sheets & bedding hand-me-downs??? I could accept them from my mom or my sisters or something. BM's bedding...NO EFFING WAY!!! There's not enough bleach on the planet to get her crusty skin- scales & scum (not to mention whatever else)out of them! I wouldn't DREAM of offering those to an ex. What a tool! Uhhhg! That thought just makes me shudder!

TexasBelle_80's picture

SS6 sometimes brings back cookies from BM's. He said she told him she made them but they are soooo obviously Soft Batch from the package. It always makes me giggle.

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

In my case, BM tried to pull this on my husband while he was at work.

BM used SD6 to "go in to his office" and bring him an entire tray of cookies from the Starbucks next door. He accepted them but did not speak to BM the whole time as he said he was embarrassed by it all.

He gave it all to his employees, after she left. Mind you, it was a on our first anniversary as well. :O

tofurkey's picture

While the concept may seem a little petty to get upset over, I think it's just a natural reaction that you can't really control. See, when you decide to be with a guy with kids, no one warns you about all these little things that irritate you, nor could you ever imagine half of what may happen like this. I understand it's not a deal breaker for you, but rather just one of those little annoyances that drives you nuts! I would feel the same way you do. There is something about home baked treats knowing that BM made them that makes your skin crawl. Last thing you want is to see your DH enjoy and devour them lol.....It's a hard thing to bring up though, obviously your DH is going to look at you like you have two heads if you say anything. I'm sure that's not going through his head that "oh BM made these, stay away" he's probably thinking more of "oh brownies yum, yes yes give me!". Blum 3

skylarksms's picture

We were thinking of making a tray of snacks for skids to take home. Made with soymilk, of course.

Oops, BM is very allergic to soy...hope she doesn't indulge her sweet tooth!!

}:)

WifeVersion2.0's picture

We have been through this at my house. Last Christmas BM sent some goodies with the kids. DH said it was the one thing she ever baked that he actually like. It was irritating but I decided we would just make jokes about it instead of getting mad. We all had some and they were good and I was constantly ribbing my husband about eating BM's 'goodies'. It was fun to watch him wrinkle his nose when I said it. Smile I made sure to return her tupperware to her with goodies of my own that the kids LOVED. I often send goodies home with the skids and I won't lie I do get some enjoyment out of knowing that BM probably isn't thrilled with the idea. She never lets the kids have sweets or sodas in the house because BM has no self-control herself and will eat a whole package of cookies in one day while the kids are at school. I try to teach them that it's ok to have sweets in small amounts.

New second wife-step-mom's picture

I have to confess I have thought of sending some goodies the other way and see how they are accepted and maybe she will get the message. I have always been slender but am considerate about our health. We're not spring chickens anymore... Smile But I am planning on baking and splurging for Christmas!

T.O.'s picture

I use health as the reason treats from BM's house are not allowed out of SS's bag, or must be thrown out. I say, just like we have rules here, it seems that you're allowed to eat junk food @ your mom's but we don't allow this here as this is a very healthy household. This takes the pressure off his dad from having to reject treats - as they're not a part of this household and SS doesn't feel rejected and doesn't take it personal. He can make (with one of our help of course) healthy treats to share with his dad at our house if he likes.

They've pretty much stopped coming now & the odd time they do dear ole hubby throws them out himself Biggrin

Willow2010's picture

Yes, you are being a tad petty. BUT, I had to LOL, because I would probably feel the same way.

reeny511's picture

I'm always afraid to take anything from BM's kitchen because in the back of my mind I think "she's trying to poison us!" I can't even accept an offer from a pack of gum from her. What if it's laced????!!!!!

purpledaisies's picture

Bm tried this one time and time only! the first christmas she sent dh a gift bag with lots of candies and stuff. She said the boys bought for him, yeah right as the boys hadn't seen it before then. I told dh that he is to never accept a gift like that again. It only encourages the bm's into thinking she has hope. NOT!

tofurkey's picture

Haha, oh don't you love this? Ah, I love how they think if they slap the kid's name on it, it makes it "cute". Barf barf

purpledaisies's picture

I know right? It makes me sick! I knew it wasn't from the kids b/c of the crap she had said and done. She even went so far and left a mess (that our lawyer has) that she will stop at nothing even stepping all over her kids to make our life a living hell. Nice huh? So I knew that the kids had nothing to do with any of that.

skylarksms's picture

OMG - what a load of crap. Our BM is the same way. She denied visitation one Easter, saying H couldn't see skids until he got her the new insurance information. We have that on tape.

In court, she claimed that he just didn't show up for his scheduled pick-up :jawdrop:

Now, I understand that kids need insurance - however, the reason WE had not even been sent OUR information is because the ins. co. had sent BM some paperwork SHE was supposed to fill out that she had ignored!! :jawdrop:

stepmom31's picture

BM hand delivered some baked goodies last Thanksgiving (I doubt very much that she actually made them). DH didn't even take a second look at them. I, however, ate a cupcake. Then my MIL told me she hoped I didn't eat any of the stuff. DH's family would not eat anything from that woman. There was apparently some point in time when his sis would get sick every time she ate something that BM touched.

BM also never sends home-cooked food, if the kids come with food it's usually stuff that was bought or from BM's parents house.

I will confess, however, that I have, along with the step-kids, devoured baked goodies sent by BM's mom, and sent compliments with the stepkids. I doubt I'd have much compliments for anything BM made, even if it did taste good, it's just that "territorial" thing I guess. I have no doubt I'd feel the same way you do now.

stormabruin's picture

As petty as I have to say it is, it's something that seriously pissed me off when BM would send things like that. DH would go to her house for skids birthday parties & when he got home I'd have dinner ready. He'd tell me he wasn't hungry because he'd eaten hot dogs at BM's house.

Store-bought or homemade, as a rule if it comes from BM it doesn't go in my mouth.

StillSearching's picture

I would get mad too. No woman wants her man to eat his ex wife's food. That is almost insulting. LOL

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

3 Ziploc bags full of nothing but pure junk food that looked as if it had been allowed-eww-to sit in SD6's bookbag all week with the following contents per bag:

1 nasty Ziploc bag full of M&M's
1 nasty bag full of Cheez-its or whatever
1 nasty bag full of fruit loops

I looked at DH when SD6 was nowhere near and said, "What the hell do they eat everyday? My god, this is gross!"

He then told me that BM at one time had bought some "Land O Lakes" cookbook and that he kept getting sick not knowing that she was cooking EVERYTHING with that gross garbage. I now understand his phobia about butter and margarine.

bebegirl22's picture

This made me remember one year at Christmas my SDs brought home some baking from their Grandmother (BM's mother) and something bothered me about it. My husband was reminiscing with his daughters about past Christmas's with BM side of the family and it sucked. You feel so left out. I didn't realize it back then. At the time I was thinking I wasn't enjoying watching my DH and SDs sitting around and loving the cookies.

It is a bit ridiculous, but a very normal feeling. Smile

mom2five's picture

My husband's ex used to make him cookies all the time...she would even text him and ask him if he wanted nuts in them. My mother-in-law told me not to eat anything she prepared in her kitchen. Apparently, she was NOT a housekeeper.

ddakan's picture

well i think you should sent some treats back with the kid just to be nice! after all, step monsters bake too! and hay, ask her if she wants to go on vacation and share a hotel! we're all one big happy F-ing family!!