Why deal with them? Deliver misery for their crap and do not deal with them other than to make their lives a living hell if they do not behave appropriately. Do not allow any resources to go to spoiling them, and when they are snooty call them on it immediately and as publically as possible. Bare their asses. They will avoid public embarrassment at all costs.
Do not think about the why, just confront the what of how they act and make the consequences of their behavioral choices so painful that they would do anything to avoid the consequences of making idiot choices.
If the kids are old enough to be past the point of "fixing".. I guess the best course of action is to disengage. Treat them like that unpleasant co-worker you are forced to interact with... civility but don't go out of your way for them.
If the kids are fairly young.. perhaps there is a chance for your partner to make changes possible.. but it's up to them.
Remember.. that wonderful person you are with had a hand in creating these "monsters"... so it may be a touchy subject for them to hear their kids aren't wonderful.
Get out. Run!!! It only gets worse as they get older. Just wait until they realize they can cause problems between you and your SO. Spoiled kids will not hestitate to do this in order to have their mommy or daddy all to themselves and they can also get what they want. This will never be a peaceful life for you.
Thanks for all the comments..... The kids are 11 and 12... the 11 year old he is a bit delayed he is a 5th grader with the mental capacity of a 3ed grader but honestly I feel the kid just chooses to act like baby therefore he is treated like one personally I feel he needs a harsh reality of what is to come in the years to come... the 12 year old shit where do I start? The kid is egotistical selfish a manipulator a compulsive liar and he constantly seeks attention he doesnt hesitate to interrupt his mom while she is talking to someone he will do everything he can to try and twist everything to get his way... He is also displaying signs of controlling behavior he has told his mom in the past that he wants to hurt himself but I have learned that he blatantly says this in an attempt to get his way... He has alot of anger towards his biological father but he wont say anything to him cuz his dad is the adult version of him.... I have twice snapped and looked at him and that stupid look on his face and yelled at the top of my lungs at him and told him things I never have cussed at him but I did make him cry both of those times.... I've told his mom he needs to understand he cannot disrespect you or anyone just because he doesn't get his way and he has even told his mom he wants to hit her and I told him one night dont ever put your hands on your mother cuz if you do you think you seen me angry I will be 10 times worse if you ever do that just like I would be if anyone every tried to hurt you or your brother.... He acts like he is tough but he will only pick on people he can control the weak minded and the good hearted.... a few weeks ago some kid at school slapped him in the head and what did he do? He cried like a 5 year old girl for his mom..... I know its gonna get harder as they get older but I love her and she has been taking my side on most of the things about their behavior because I feel she is tired of it also but she doesnt want to do anything about it at least not in the way I would do it.
Wow, sorry to hear...sounds like hell. You're right...it's going to get worse. Does your DW even want the kids around? Perhaps you can try family counseling. They might be able to give you ideas on how to deal with the kids. Or maybe limit the time they visit. Or you can just try to wait it out until they are out of the house...but that will be tough.
You're doing the right thing on discipline. If they want to bully and act like fools, it would be Ike military boot camp at my house.
Good for the kid that slapped the bully in the head. Hopefully this is the first of a number of learning sessions for the bully/cry baby. Peers and school environvents tend to chew up these cowardly bullies and spit them out. They go from bullies to whinning and craying babies in a hurry. My college BFFs daughter is one of these types of bullies. She was a bully who was bigger, nastier and more agressive than the rest of the kids in her class. This year turned out to be the year her peers had enough and started confronting her in response ot her bullying. Now my friend's daughter is the one crying in the corner and my BFF is the one all upset that his daughter is getting her ass kicked. I had to remind him that she was the one who had been the bully until this year and that my BFF had been defending his daughter when she was a bully and now he was the parent wanting the school to punish the kids that are now bullying her. I told him that he can't have it both ways. He is struggling on what to do.about his daughter. I recommended that he let her learn her lesson.
I have told him for years that his daughter's behavior needed a firm parental hand and her bullying would come home to roost. He chose a different parenting path and to be a parent who justified his kid's behavior rather than applying consequences for her behaviors and she has now been identified by her peers as a coward who can't back up her status as a bully.
The perspective that parents who tell their kids to kick a bullies ass rather than be the victim of a bully are increasingly being labeled as the source of the problem. Nope, it is the accomodating parents who label their kids as special even when they are far from special and behave toxically who are the problem.
Bullies need an ass whuppin and it has to come from their peers. Parents who don't address the crappy behavior of their children should not be surprised when their kid's behaviors are corrected by their peers..
My SO has custody of both of them so they are with us during the school year and every other holiday year... Their biological father lives in a different state and they go.with him during the summer which is the best and most wonderful time when they are gone and neither of us have to deal with their crap.... I am an extremely patience person but the oldest the 12 year old has pissed me off a fair share of times.... I personally stay out of the discipline but once I feel they have gone to far with their mom or like the 12 year old likes to do he likes to be a smart ass and yap his little yap I step in.... They wont pull that crap with me and if he tries to be happy I raise my voice because I dont play those games I dont reward they just because they got an A at school.... I was raised alot different than them and I want they to understand life isnt easy yes be a kid but dont be a little punk because one day they are going to get themselves into trouble and no matter how much they want help me nor their mom will be able to help them.... I tell them one day acting like you a little tough guy you gonna be crying for your mommy cuz you gonna get yourself into problems and nobody will be able to help or maybe they will not want to help cuz they are sick of your crap
Why deal with them? Deliver
Why deal with them? Deliver misery for their crap and do not deal with them other than to make their lives a living hell if they do not behave appropriately. Do not allow any resources to go to spoiling them, and when they are snooty call them on it immediately and as publically as possible. Bare their asses. They will avoid public embarrassment at all costs.
Do not think about the why, just confront the what of how they act and make the consequences of their behavioral choices so painful that they would do anything to avoid the consequences of making idiot choices.
What are their ages? I think
What are their ages? I think that's crucial to the discussion.
If the kids are old enough to
If the kids are old enough to be past the point of "fixing".. I guess the best course of action is to disengage. Treat them like that unpleasant co-worker you are forced to interact with... civility but don't go out of your way for them.
If the kids are fairly young.. perhaps there is a chance for your partner to make changes possible.. but it's up to them.
Remember.. that wonderful person you are with had a hand in creating these "monsters"... so it may be a touchy subject for them to hear their kids aren't wonderful.
Get out. Run!!! It only gets
Get out. Run!!! It only gets worse as they get older. Just wait until they realize they can cause problems between you and your SO. Spoiled kids will not hestitate to do this in order to have their mommy or daddy all to themselves and they can also get what they want. This will never be a peaceful life for you.
Thanks for all the comments..
Thanks for all the comments..... The kids are 11 and 12... the 11 year old he is a bit delayed he is a 5th grader with the mental capacity of a 3ed grader but honestly I feel the kid just chooses to act like baby therefore he is treated like one personally I feel he needs a harsh reality of what is to come in the years to come... the 12 year old shit where do I start? The kid is egotistical selfish a manipulator a compulsive liar and he constantly seeks attention he doesnt hesitate to interrupt his mom while she is talking to someone he will do everything he can to try and twist everything to get his way... He is also displaying signs of controlling behavior he has told his mom in the past that he wants to hurt himself but I have learned that he blatantly says this in an attempt to get his way... He has alot of anger towards his biological father but he wont say anything to him cuz his dad is the adult version of him.... I have twice snapped and looked at him and that stupid look on his face and yelled at the top of my lungs at him and told him things I never have cussed at him but I did make him cry both of those times.... I've told his mom he needs to understand he cannot disrespect you or anyone just because he doesn't get his way and he has even told his mom he wants to hit her and I told him one night dont ever put your hands on your mother cuz if you do you think you seen me angry I will be 10 times worse if you ever do that just like I would be if anyone every tried to hurt you or your brother.... He acts like he is tough but he will only pick on people he can control the weak minded and the good hearted.... a few weeks ago some kid at school slapped him in the head and what did he do? He cried like a 5 year old girl for his mom..... I know its gonna get harder as they get older but I love her and she has been taking my side on most of the things about their behavior because I feel she is tired of it also but she doesnt want to do anything about it at least not in the way I would do it.
Wow, sorry to hear...sounds
Wow, sorry to hear...sounds like hell. You're right...it's going to get worse. Does your DW even want the kids around? Perhaps you can try family counseling. They might be able to give you ideas on how to deal with the kids. Or maybe limit the time they visit. Or you can just try to wait it out until they are out of the house...but that will be tough.
You're doing the right thing on discipline. If they want to bully and act like fools, it would be Ike military boot camp at my house.
Good for the kid that slapped
Good for the kid that slapped the bully in the head. Hopefully this is the first of a number of learning sessions for the bully/cry baby. Peers and school environvents tend to chew up these cowardly bullies and spit them out. They go from bullies to whinning and craying babies in a hurry. My college BFFs daughter is one of these types of bullies. She was a bully who was bigger, nastier and more agressive than the rest of the kids in her class. This year turned out to be the year her peers had enough and started confronting her in response ot her bullying. Now my friend's daughter is the one crying in the corner and my BFF is the one all upset that his daughter is getting her ass kicked. I had to remind him that she was the one who had been the bully until this year and that my BFF had been defending his daughter when she was a bully and now he was the parent wanting the school to punish the kids that are now bullying her. I told him that he can't have it both ways. He is struggling on what to do.about his daughter. I recommended that he let her learn her lesson.
I have told him for years that his daughter's behavior needed a firm parental hand and her bullying would come home to roost. He chose a different parenting path and to be a parent who justified his kid's behavior rather than applying consequences for her behaviors and she has now been identified by her peers as a coward who can't back up her status as a bully.
The perspective that parents who tell their kids to kick a bullies ass rather than be the victim of a bully are increasingly being labeled as the source of the problem. Nope, it is the accomodating parents who label their kids as special even when they are far from special and behave toxically who are the problem.
Bullies need an ass whuppin and it has to come from their peers. Parents who don't address the crappy behavior of their children should not be surprised when their kid's behaviors are corrected by their peers..
My SO has custody of both of
My SO has custody of both of them so they are with us during the school year and every other holiday year... Their biological father lives in a different state and they go.with him during the summer which is the best and most wonderful time when they are gone and neither of us have to deal with their crap.... I am an extremely patience person but the oldest the 12 year old has pissed me off a fair share of times.... I personally stay out of the discipline but once I feel they have gone to far with their mom or like the 12 year old likes to do he likes to be a smart ass and yap his little yap I step in.... They wont pull that crap with me and if he tries to be happy I raise my voice because I dont play those games I dont reward they just because they got an A at school.... I was raised alot different than them and I want they to understand life isnt easy yes be a kid but dont be a little punk because one day they are going to get themselves into trouble and no matter how much they want help me nor their mom will be able to help them.... I tell them one day acting like you a little tough guy you gonna be crying for your mommy cuz you gonna get yourself into problems and nobody will be able to help or maybe they will not want to help cuz they are sick of your crap