And at the point the little shit toxic spawn pulled that manipulative crap you should have resched down, grabbed his ear, twisted it, lifted him up, and marched him screaming to his own bedroom y his twisted ear while swatting his butt to the mantra of "you(swat) ..... will(swat)..... not(swat)..... ever(swat)..... speak(swat)...... to(swat)..... me(swat)...... or(swat)....... any(swat)...... adult(swat)...... that(swat)...... way(swat) ...... again(swat)....... do(swat)...... you(swat)...... under(swat)....... stand(swat)...... me(swat)......? Then dump him in his bed and close with "If you like to have your ear twisted and your butt swatted then get out of that bed. If you do not go to bed in your own bed tomorrow without being a brat we will do this again. Do you understand me?"

End of problem.

Not rude at all. Just countering the failure of a useless parent.

I agree with tommar, this is how your BF wants to raise his son. You shouldn't have to say anything, if your BF wanted things to be different, they would be.

It is just going to get worse as time goes on. The sleeping thing may eventually change, but other things that are equally as bothersome will take the place of it. BF has made SS #1 priority, you will always be 2nd at best. BF isn't going to magically change into a rule enforcer and he isn't going to suddenly start having boundaries for this child. He might "try", but that will last a couple of days at best. You have to decide if you want to live that life.

Oh my gosh rebelthor. This is long but bear with me. Your post caught my eye because SS was 9 when I started seriously dating BF, now husband, and his kid was a clingy, immature little brat. Honestly, I could have written your post 7 years ago (and I probably did several times in several ways over the years). Sometimes I wonder if the posters come back and read the replies. I really hope you do. I always figure if my experience can help one woman have a better life, I had some purpose on this site. If any women ever asks me for advice, I tell them never never never get involved with a man with children. I assume you have no children of your own? Me neither. The poor decisions I made by living with a man enslaved by his ex and kid took those dreams away. The skid you are describing was mine. SS was obsessed with his dad to the point that he literally would not let go of him physically. He clung to him like a toddler. He was still sitting on his lap in public at age 12. He still held his hand when they went to the mall at age 11. He would not (and I mean never) go to bed without at least a half hour tuck-in session with his dad. I lost count of the times I was trying to have a nice dinner with my husband but the skid would stand on the stairs and whine until daddy left the dinner table, walked him up to bed, and sat with him for an hour until he went to sleep. Guess who ate her cold dinners alone while the love fest transpired? This night time ritual went on for years, and I think my husband finally saw my point when the kid was entering high school and wouldn't go to bed alone. Even now at age 16, skid and my husband send lovey dovey good night text pages back and forth at bedtime, and half the time my husband finds some excuse to go to his room for a tuck in. Usually he acts like he is just taking his kid a glass of water, as if the teenager doesn't know how to use the faucet himself. They enable each other in their sickening dependence. Your comments struck home because if skid ever wanted extra attention, he would come crying into our room, tell daddy he couldn't sleep, and then daddy would happily leave my side and go sleep with skid on his floor or grosser, with him in bed. One day before we moved in together, I went to my then boyfriend's house and saw a stuffed animal in his bed. Turns out the kid was spending the nights with daddy in bed when I wasn't there. EWWWW. When I asked, hubby got defensive and said it was too hot upstairs so the kid slept with him in his room downstairs. Who sleeps with a 9 year old boy? By the way, he finally broke the skid of that nasty stuffed animal habit when he was 12. He is so emotionally delayed its pathetic. These things don't end by themselves when the dad has no balls and no initiative to change them. As the SM, you are powerless to change the kid yourself, or you will be called an evil child-hating jealous monster. I remember the days when skid was 9 or 10 and I dreaded the skid weekends. I would literally wait for the 30 seconds per day that skid you go to the bathroom to be able to say something to my husband in private. Skid would never spend one minute out of daddy's sight. Skid was the master manipulator, and all he had to do at bedtime was say...."but daddy, you don't spend enough time with me!" Then quality adult time was gone and my husband would cuddle on the couch until midnight with his kid in a pathetic attempt to repay him for the being so neglected. There was never a moment when skid didn't have his daddy's full attention, and as he got a little older, 13 or 14 and discovered video games (the best thing that ever happened to me) then hubby freaked at the loss of his clingy little monster and would walk upstairs at least twice an hour just to see if the skid needed anything or was feeling in any way neglected. Now skid is 16, two LOOOOOONNNNNGGGG years away from college and has much changed? Not really. Now my husband will make skid gourmet meals and deliver them to his bedroom so he doesn't have to interupt his video games by walking downstairs to the dining room. By some twist of nature, skid managed to get a girlfriend (I feel sorry for this poor misguided girl) and now my husband's job in life is to constantly drive skid around to various social events, picking him up at 1 or 2am or whenever he demands, despite the fact my husband needs to sleep and get to work every day. SS doesn't want to drive even though daddy bought him a car, because he is too lazy to learn or take the exam, plus daddy is the best chauffer, always on time with a nice heated car waiting at all hours...why drive yourself? My husband even drives the skid to school every day and we live one block from the school! You probably think I am making this up but sadly I am not. Skid refuses to get a job since daddy gives him all the money he wants. He has never made a decision in his life because he texts daddy about 100 times a day when an little issue arises. He probably sits on the toilet and texts dad to ask how many times to wipe. I go on an on and could go on forever just to show you your future. If the man won't see his child for what he is, and won't have any discipline and won't set any boundaries and won't value your role as his partner, things will NOT get better. They will change as the kid ages, but they won't get better. A kid like my SS who was a clingy little brat at 9, will become a manipulating clingy little demanding brat at age 16, just a lot more expensive with much more acne,a really shitty attitutude and a repetoire of foul language. They learn that they get whatever they want and they learn not to respect their push over pathatic dad. They have learned that you don't matter at all in the house because their dad has shown them for years that you don't matter. If they ever were cute, they aren't anymore as teenagers, just pure evil. Bottom line, if the man won't change, the kid won't change and your life won't get any better. As years pass, you give up more and more and then you hesitate to leave because you have already wasted to much time, so many years. It becomes more difficult to throw in the towel and walk away, a decade older. Then you get closer and closer to the kid shipping of for college and you try to convince yourself that it will all magically improve when the kid leaves. Will the years of being treated like a distant second be suddenly forgotten? Will you immediately drop the resentment and live happily ever after. Probably not, but I haven't gotten there yet. You know in your heart what to do. Don't be like me, posting on steptalk 7 years from now about how much you wished you had listened to yourself back then.

Omg I feel like I wrote this post 6 years ago. I thought (now SS12 ) would grow out of it too. Nope. SS12 almost 13 is still clingy, it's "daddy, daddy, DADDY. PLAY WITH MEEEEEEEE,,,," , EOWE 24/7! DH caters to him. It's like they're BFFs. I'm about to lose my shit!

Run. Run away before you're hitched. You can change the situation. It will continue and you will only be the third wheel !