CS Tear....
Fiance is on a tear over child support.
BM put in her vacation requests and informs him he'd like to take SD13 out of state for one of the weeks. This triggered some mega anger in my fiance because he is essentially paying for this vacation (BM voluntarily chooses not to work and lives off of her parents and the CS).
He's now being a dick to BM and denying the vacation (which he can do because its out of state, she needs his permission).
As much as i hate BM, it is what it is, and its actually my fiance's fault because he told her when SD was born that she could stay home. he basically enabled her laziness from day one. Not sure why he expects her to change now.
We have no desire to take SD anywhere so even if she tries to "get back" at us by denying us time, it wont really affect us.
Just not sure why he wants to start a pissing match unless there is more to it than him just being mad about her vacation. We are fortunate, we are still able take two nice vacations per year and do fun things because of my income and because we live cheaply - so its not like some of you were BM gets to have fun on our time and we go no where.
^^Agreed.^^ He needs to learn
^^Agreed.^^ He needs to learn to let this go. At least the bm wants to take her on vacation and not leaving her with relatives while she goes with her boyfriend. BM's can't win...
Having been a second wife/SM
Having been a second wife/SM and a single mom who has close divorced male friends, and as someone who pays close attention to the posts here, MOST of the problems are not BMs. It's all relative. If YOUR bm is difficult, they all are. There are plenty of bm/sms here who are not crazy bms.
The crazy bms I do know are instigated by the biodad's behavior at LEAST half the time. Stick your penis in a crazy person and your life is going to be affected. Dragging a second wife into your craziness at LEAST doubles your difficulties. The common person is biodad, not bm.
Are you looking for a way to
Are you looking for a way to get through to him? If so, you could point out that he's punishing his own child just because he's mad at BM. SD at 13 is old enough to understand that as well, and he could end up damaging his relationship with his daughter if he's more concerned with "beating" BM than he is with his daughter.
i feel like nothing i say
i feel like nothing i say relative to them ever sinks in, Ally.
i think part of him does want to punish his kid (and rightly so) because she's been such a d-bag to him. i think the relationship was damaged the day she crawled out of her mother. this kid has been alienated and pitted against her dad her whole life, even during their marriage.
BM is a clinger - this kid is the only thing she's ever accomplished in life (if you can even call it an accomplishment). she wants SD all to herself because its all she's got. No career, no education, no future, no home of her own, no friends.
my fiance is so bitter about so many things. his 18 years with her and her family was pure hell. it was pure hell before SD even came along (which was 7 or 8 years into their marriage. i think he has many regrets, and i think at times he resents and regrets his kid even tho he'd never admit it. he loves his daughter, but he sees that she resembles and represents her mother in every way. i swear if she didnt have his feet id be convinced she was someone else's kid.
at minimum we have 5 years of CS to go, at max 9 years. he's gotta deal with this and let it go.
i also think it would be
i also think it would be better to let her go, knowing that SD will have a total meltdown the in middle of the airport and refuse to get on the plane. And of course, whenever she "refuses" anything no one forces her. id love to see BM eat 2 plane tickets and im sure she is not traveling alone with SD because she BM go anywhere without her mom or sister.
i asked him last night about
i asked him last night about SD. i asked him if he wanted her to miss out. i asked him if he was going to be able to handle her pissy attitude and potential refusal to come on visits, etc. as a result of this.
his answer was "i dont care".
again, this is a girl who has tortured him since he left her mother. i think he's finally had it with her.