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The Craziest od the Crazy

The Confused One's picture

I'm not a step parent, rather the live-in girlfriend of a wonderful man, who is currently going through a now NASTY divorce (even though they have been split up for almost a year, just too lazy and broke to put steps into motion.)
I have been friends with him and his soon-to-be ex for months, as they were in the process of splitting up (still living together, but finalizing new living and financial arrangements, and she was rarely in the home over night,) however she was my best friend, and he was my boyfriend. Let me explain that the BM is the one who fixed up her ex with me, and fully supported our relationship, giving her blessing on me moving in with him as soon as she could 'get away from him.' I was included at their childrens' (2 daughters, one 3yo and the other 5yo) functions, I babysat them, went through nightly routines with them when either parent was not able, even had the 5yo ASK for me to be the one to tuck her in at night, given the choice among myself, her father, or her mother.
The BM started getting more and more socially dramatic as time went on, excpecting me to side with her on trivial matters between her and her other friends, bad mouthing her ex (my current) and his parents, etc. Now, I have a low bullsh*t tolerance, and finally told her that I would have to distance myself from her for awhile, as her flair for the dramatic was just too much. That day, while packing her belongings, my ex went to the condo to receive the cable box (in his and my name) and she went psychotic to the point that he had to take her phone from her to have his parents remove the children from the situation. When he did so, she screamed to the children, "Did you see what daddy just did? That's STEALING, and stealing is WRONG!" She then began to scream that he was abusing her, that I 'won her life' etc. She called the police, who told her she had to vacate the premise immediately since she already had an alternate place of residence available to her. The landlord and police told my boyfriend to change the locks ASAP.
Now, I live in the condo with him on the nights that he doesn't have the girls, which is only 3 nights a week, as we don't want the girls to see a new mommy figure in their lives so soon after the traumatic experience through which they've just been.
My concern is that I am going to get dragged into court by their BM, who now says I am unsafe around her children, which makes no sense to me, as her children told me they loved me constantly, and she trusted me with their lives less than 24 hours before her psychotic break, and I'm also concerned about her bad mouthing me to the children, who lives I DO want to be in. She claims I'm unfit, however her behavior is highly promiscuous, she is an extremely filthy housekeeper, and she'll let ANYONE around her children.
Has anyone dealt with similar instances? I'm beyond drained from her antics, and I just want the munchkins back in my life with as little damage done as possible Sad

SMof2Girls's picture

This seems like a lot happening very fast for everyone involved. They've only been split up a year and part of that time they were still living together? I'm a litlte confused on the timeline here.

My guess? She won't stop anytime soon. Our BM and DH got along okay until I moved into the house. Then her crazy started. It hasn't stopped. It's been going on for years. Your best bet is to disengage from her. Let BF deal with her. You have no reason to talk to her, so don't. It only perpetuates the drama. She make all the claims and accusations she wants, if she can't prove it in court, it doesn't matter. If she's going to talk crap about you to the skids, then she will. You can't stop that either. But you CAN continue to be a positive role in the skids lives. You can be supportive, friendly, honest, etc .. they will see the differences between who you are to them and who BM says you are.

Good luck

Jsmom's picture

Honestly, you need to step out of this for your sanity. Stay away for awhile until they are completely divorced and moved on with their lives. You rushed this way too fast and now that is creating such drama. Not good for anyone, expecially children.

Anon2009's picture

It is always, always a bad idea to get involved with a friend's former partner. Even if she initially gave you her blessing.

My advice would be to take a break from BF while he gets his divorce finalized. Then see where things stand.

Maroma1984's picture

I honestly don't think she thought you would hit it off with her ex. Or maybe she could keep some form of control through you.

I can't even comprehend why you would date your best friend's ex. Anytime kids are involved , there is always going to be drama with them BM.

Unless you just really love this guy, I'd step away also. This is too much drama. And don't think by leaving, she's winning. YOU ARE WINNING. This will only get worse and worse with time. And IF you are lucky, maybe the kids will like you. If not , your life will become hell.