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BM moving away - can she?

smokeyquartz's picture

I has a forum earlier about the weekend being a drama with BM making up lies and stuffing FDH around. Just found out the she is secretly trying to move across the country and take SD8 with her. I don't know what to do, life seemed like it was going so well and now it all seems to be falling apart very quickly. FDH has been deployed for the last 6 months and comes home in two days. I have been counting the hours for months and now I'm not even excited... How do you not let this stuff affect your relationship?

Im getting sick and tired of her lies and we dont want to tell her that BM is doing this and causing drama but we dont want to lie to her either. How do you tread this fine line of truth and integrity and looking out for the best interests of the child in these situtions? So many questions, just seems so unfair..

smokeyquartz's picture

Its difficult isnt it... trying to make things "fair" for everyone. She has already moved twice in the last two years, I think she just does it cause she is not happy and thinks changing scenery will magically fix her life. Ha, cant imagine her paying for airfares, she already constantly makes DH drive the 3.5 hours up and 3.5 hours back twice on many weekends cause she wastes money on smokes and junk for the kids (i.e. fast food all the time and plastic crap they look at once and never touch again)so has no money for petrol and says it is the only way he will see them. I worry that because he always tries to be flexible with her changing things all the time a court may think he isnt interested enough in SD8 and will be happy for her to just go. Has anyone had that kind of thing happen?

Oh, and 2-3 months would be ok! I am still new at all this and I do find it trying and stressful at times but at the end of the day its not SD8 fault this all happens. She is great when she settles back into being with us, the drama with her for me is me just getting used to having a kid in the house! But I love it whens she's here - I just worry she will keep picking up BM bad habits..

dontcallmestepmom's picture

I think it depends on the state/situation, but I do know that if BM shows a good reason for wanting to move (like a really good job), a judge could allow it. But, yes, your DH will have to go to court and get this all figured out.

Try not to dwell on it. Focus on you and DH. I know it is hard.

smokeyquartz's picture

Thanks - you're right. Focus on what we can change, not on what we cant. He and SD8 are worth the drama lol. I need to focus on FDH not BM - he will have to take the lead with this. Just hard when she was originally allowed to move for "work" reasons as there are not many jobs here (true, but she did get a few bartending jobs and then would leave them after about a week, but anyway). So far, after 4 years she is still not working at all. Trying to let go and not dwell, I should focus on DFH coming back!! Better work out a yummy dinner and clean the house haha. Reality is all about to set in again Blum 3

oldone's picture

I know a couple that got 50/50 when they divorced. The wife has wanted to move about 1500 miles away and the courts won't let her take the child. She finished school and claimed she couldn't get a job here - but the state she wants to go to has probably the worst unemployment rate in the nation and it's not bad here. Judge isn't buying it.

smokeyquartz's picture

Smile Of course, you are correct - I guess I can lose sight in this sometimes as she acts like everything is on her terms all the time and she is doing us a favour by open her front door to let SD8 run to the car. Will keep hope and let FDH know that he shouldnt dispare just yet.

Funny how complicated it is. My parents divorced when I was 3 and I have a SF. I never saw any of the drama and still to this day everyone gets on and talks. My brother and I never even knew that there could be dramas associated with parents splitting up cause it was handled so maturely!

Well, hopefully this all works out and she can't do this - it will break FDH heart and SD8's..

smokeyquartz's picture

I think the custody order more addresses the meeting place - cause she was allowed to move away on the provision they meet on time at the specified location. I'll have to get him to dig it out when he returns home. If this is the case and she did have to take planes etc I think excuses will arise all the time about why she can't come. At least now we can physically jump in the car and drive there....

So yes, back to basics - find the custody order and start from there. Dreading to hear how SD8 is dealing with all this. FDH has tried to call BM over the past two days and she does not answer the phone or get back to him. I wonder if BM even realises how this would all be affecting SD8?