BM forcing BF to be a disneydad
(Just some side info-I am BF's girlfriend)...I am new here and need some advice or just other people's ideas on this topic because I cant find info on this particular situation anywhere....for a couple months now BM has been kind of forcing BF to be a "Disney Dad"...it started out that SD said she was bored here which is understandable because there are no kids in our neighborhood to play with and at the time it was winter...anyways because SD was not getting her way and I was not giving in to the constant nagging to "do something" she said she did not want to come over anymore and she didnt for a couple of weekends in a row but then finally missed her father and came...we are never mean to her but we do try to be fair and consistent with our rules....we think that she should be part of our normal lives and we should not have to always make every weekend a special occasion because we do not want her to become a spoiled brat...anyways lately BM has insisted on knowing what activity we have planned for every weekend and when we dont have a plan or do an activity BF is made to feel like he is a bad parent and doesnt care for his daughter...we happened to have activities planned for the last couple of weekends partly by chance and partly because we do want to see SD so we are trying to "play by the rules" but last weekend we were just going to hang out at home, play board games, watch tv, etc...we cant afford to make a trip to a movie, museum, arcade, show, etc every weekend....but when SD asked what we were gonna do and didnt like what she heard she had a fit and cried...later she came and asked me what we could do and I said we could just play in her room or play a game and she said that was boring so I tried explaining that we cant always have a big event and sometimes we just hang out at home....and she said "then whats the point?"....I am very hurt and I know that BF is hurt as well...we are both at the end of our ropes and are almost to the point where we are going to let her just not come anymore if she doesnt want to because we feel so used....we want to lay down the law and tell SD too bad this is how it is so we are not walked all over but BM thinks that BF should be a "Disney Dad" and should spoil SD and do whatever she wants...BM has also said that we should not worry so much about parenting SD and should just have fun all the time because she does all of the parenting...so when we have tried to tell SD "no" we are made out to be the bad guys....I need help cause I am sick of feeling liked a hired clown meant to entertain SD every weekend....I also think that it is not healthy to be forcing this type of relationship on SD and BF because she is starting to become expectant on stuff....someone please give me your thoughts, suggestions, sympathy, anything.....
First of all, do you have a
First of all, do you have a court order? If so SD can suck it up because your BF needs to just march right over there and get her on his court ordered days and too damn bad if shes bored. And second of all BM HAS NO SAY in what you do in your own home. If you are keeping this brat entertained just to appease BM then stop right now because you have nothing to fear as far as legal repercussions. And thirdly, good job so far, have a talk with your BF and tell him the disney dad bs needs to stop NOW. How old is your SD?
There is no court order....he
There is no court order....he does want to stop the disney dad stuff but feels sometimes that he has to keep it up to keep SD happy so that BM will leave him alone and not make him feel bad...if we dont keep SD entertained all weekend then he is read the riot act by BM....SD is 6.....
My only advice for you is to
My only advice for you is to record any time you have SD and then take BM to court and get a custody agreement filed by a judge....then what I said before will come into play. As of now you are pretty much screwed...sorry doll, legal action is always best.
I had this with my skids who
I had this with my skids who are now in their early 20s but whom we had in a similar setup to yours. I devoted my whole free time to their entertainment when they were with us -- and have virtually nil relationship with them now to show for it. I have two suggestions. One is, it's fair to say that some kids are easily bored and should be stimulated more than usual, but, if BF thinks his daughter is one of these and needs activities rather than just to hang out, then there are cheap ways to do this. Museums, walks, picnics, cycling, swimming pools, cookery and craft spring to mind. We used to do it all on a shoestring and especially at 6, there is a lot of free stuff going on out there. But secondly, and this may not be relevant to your situation, be careful you don't attribute the whole problem to BM. It took me literally over a decade to spot that actually, in my situation, BF was kind of part of the problem too and was effectively subtly getting me to run around doing childcare because of his own guilt and my own fear of BM setting the kids against me. This is not conscious in bio parents' minds necessarily but watch out for it. BF is actually the person who should be feeling pressured, not you. And maybe, if he does outings with the child himself just the two of them, it could save you a few bucks too.
Don't do it.If she gets bored
Don't do it.If she gets bored give her housework to do.this whole entitlement thinking sucks. understand where your so comes from but he needs to understand that it is like a bucket with a huge hole, the more effort he puts in, the more SD will want.Instead being BM's puppet she needs to learn that things are different in your house and she sometimes will have to entertain herself.If there is no court order unfortunately before you set one up, SD will maybe say she doesnt' want to come over for now.My recommendation is to sit it out.If BM knows that your SO is desperate and will try to do anything to keep SD happy she willenjoy having the brat by herself.If she gets he idea that you two are quite cool with SD not coming over for a while until her attitude improves she may understand that she can't manipulate you anymore and will very likely try to motivate her child to come to her senses, since she has then the 100% responsibility and no babysitter for herself anymore.
Does he pay child support? If
Does he pay child support? If so get so rights set down if not then it wont kill you financially to be disney dad and sm cuz that's all your doing ... bottom line find something she likes and do those things often then the few big things will stand out like diamonds in her memory